My Ocean of life

Iran's bad situation...

2012-02-10T19:31:00.000-08:00

I just read on Google news that Iran has cut off internet and has left millions of people without accessing to emails and social networks. These days I am sad and worried about Iran's situation. What will happen to Iran and Iranian people? I heard from my brother that everything is so expensive and prices go up day to day. People are so scared by government and nobody says anything. They are just stealing from people and put everything (Oil, Gas, etc) on sale to China and Russia and other allies that they have.

I truly hope that there won't be any war. U.S is seriously avoiding it but how far this can continue? I think the only solution is people start demonstrations in huge groups like millions of people come to street and make government off guard. If they do that U.S. and other Western countries will support them and may be can over throw theses vampires!!

May god help these people. Amen.

New Post in New Year

2012-01-22T16:30:00.000-08:00

-This is my first blog post since New Year has started. As usual I am very busy. When I come home from work, I have to check my son's homework and give him some extra tests and work with him. Their school is the best in the County of San Diego and teachers make it hard for kids to keep the schools good rating up!! We have lots of Asians in our neighborhood and they work hard with their kids so our kids (all non-Asian ones) have to compete with them. Sometime I wish I could come home, lie down on the couch and do nothing. My real work starts when I get home! Parenting is exhausting sometimes!!

-As I said before my aunt has come from Norway to visit us, I took some time off around Christmas and New Year to show her San Diego and we also took her for a short trip to Las Vegas. My mom took care of kids. This was the first time that we were not with kids overnight! It was fun trip and my aunt liked Vegas very much. She took more than 300 pictures!! I think whoever visits Las Vegas for the first time gets so impressed with all those extra ordinary and fascinating hotels and Casinos. I told my aunt "You can do whatever you want tonight because whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas;)".

-I have to keep reminding myself every day to be more relaxed and take it easy but sometimes I get lost in my busy schedule and too many responsibilities… I keep meditating although sometimes I am too tired but I try to keep it in my schedule even for few minutes…

-I got myself iPhone 4s for New Year and I love it. It is so cool. God bless Steve Jobs' soul. I am wondering what he has come up with in heaven;)

-Last week Iranian movie "Separation" got Golden Globe award. I got so happy for the Director and whoever was involved in that movie. Now it is nominated for Oscar. I hope it wins. When Iranian people get their freedom trophy? When they can send the evils out and make the best movie out of that? I truly pray for my people's freedom…

Happy New Year

2011-12-31T18:20:00.000-08:00

I can't believe 2011 is ending. It was just a blinkof eye for me. It was a good year for me and my family but there was not a very special high light in it for me. Thank god we are all healthy and we are together. It was hard year for lots of people all around the world.
I hope that 2012 be a more peacful year. I truly hope that Iranian regime changes but not with war and changes for better not worse, although I cannot imagine a worse regime than the one that Iranian people are dealing with right now.
I hope President Obama gets re-elected and I hope global economy grows and unemployment sinks as low as possible.

May god keeps My family, me and every human being safe and happy in this new year. Amen.

Happy 2012, I wish you all a very healthy and joyful year.

End of the year

2011-12-08T20:17:00.001-08:00

-The year of 2011 is ending soon. Time flies so fast! They say life is like a toilet paper roll, when it is close to end it moves faster!!

We have already set up our Christmas tree but my husband is lazy to set up lights outside of the house this year. I have to ask him again this weekend. I love Christmas decoration as much as my kids do. They are so much in to Cars2 (the movie is very good) toys these days and I have bought some of cars2 toys for Christmas for them.

My aunt is coming from Norway to visit us for Christmas and I am so excited to have her here. She is one of the nicest people that I know in life. I will be off for about 10 days including Christmas and New Year's holidays to spend time with her. This is her first time in States.

-We went to Movie Theater last weekend to watch the Descendent. It was a very good movie. It was very real. Not Hollywoody type! Another good movie that I saw was conviction in DVD, a very touching movie based on true story.

-I read a good book recently from Paulo Coelho, "Eleven Minutes". The story is about a Brazilian prostitute and is a sexual book but it is very deep. It is amazing how this writer can touch every subject that he writes about so deeply. He says things and describes human feelings in a way that lots of us never mention it or discuss it in real life but when we read it in his book, make us think back about our own experiences, thoughts and hidden feelings. I really like his books. I think he is such a great author. He can write about different subjects and write them very well.

-I was so bothered with what bunch of idiot so-called students that we all know that they are not students, did to Britain embassy. It is a big shame, but what you can expect from one of the worst regimes ever. Whole bunch of idiots running a big country with more than 70 million population. They do whatever they feel like and have no decency or diplomacy at all. I don't know why now that different countries in Middle East have risen up for their freedom people are so passive in Iran. Are there all the brave ones in prison? I know that it is easy for me that am not living there to say why people do not demonstrate. But how much people can really bear with these idiots? I know that they have scared everyone to death but it is so sad to see that people are living under so much pressure and still silent. I hope something good happens for people in Iran in this New year!

Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T20:57:00.000-08:00

It is another Thanksgiving again tomorrow. This is my 13th Thanksgiving in this country. I moved to US right after Thanksgiving in 1998. Time flies. I think moving to U.S. was one of the best decisions that I have ever made in my life. At least I think it was a great decision at this moment. I am thankful for so many things in my life but most of all for my two beautiful children. The love I get from them is not comparable to anything in this world. Parenting is hard and challenging but it is worth it for sure.

We are invited to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow at my husband's cousin's house. She always throws thanksgiving party and hopefully I can go to shopping on black Friday with my mom. I know this Thanksgiving is not easy for some families, the ones in need and out of work. I hope that next year to be a better year and economy gets better.

I am worried about Iran too. I think the time of this regime is up but I hope there won't be another war. If President Obama gets re-elected, he will do something about Iran but not by war, at least that's what I think but if Republicans get the White house, most probably there will be another war. They love war.

I truly hope that god helps Iranian people and people all around the world.
Happy Thanksgiving to whoever that celebrates it. Even if you do not celebrate Thanksgiving, think about things that you are thankful for and let go of the things that makes you upset or worried. Remember that God is greater than what we think and he is in charge

Life and death

2011-11-06T10:24:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I am thinking about life and death a lot these days. May be I am dealing with mid life crisis. I am trying to understand the meaning of life, what is really life? why we are here? I feel like every day of life is like you are taken to a party that you did not want to go but your friends took you, now you can either sit in a corner and wait for time to pass by so you go home or you can mingle with people, drink, eat and have fun. How many of days of our lives we act like first scenario just are passive and wait for time to pass by and how many days we act like second scenario, we have fun and enjoy it. I think our daily life can be good, bad or just regular without any high lights. How many happy days of your life do you remember? Are there most of the days just OK without any highlight?
I read somewhere once that happiness is wanting what you have not what you do not have. May be that is true!
I become sad when I remember the dreams that I could not follow, things that I were capable of doing but did not try them. May be my life would be worse if I had followed some of those dreams may be not. You never know what is really best for you.
I at least know something, I have a good life with two beautiful kids that I adore and love to death!
I have to thank god for all he gave me and all he did not give me, because may they were not good for me any way!

Steve Jobs

2011-10-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

I am so sad that Steve jobs passed away. he was indeed one of the greatest geniuses of our time. If he had lived longer he could come up with more innovations. God bless his soul...
May be he comes up with iheaven in the other world...

Disapointment

2011-10-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

Last 10 days were not easy days for me. Every one that follows my blog knows that I have been working on a very important project and I am still working on it because is a huge ongoing project. I really put my blood and sweat in this project and did a very good job. The success of this project made my boss to get promotion!! He knew that I am looking forward to be promoted as well. I even talked to our CIO and mentioned my hard work and expectations. He seemed to be very understanding and told me that he valued my work so much and if there would be any opening promotion I would be on the top of the list. Long story short, the position finally opened because two people left and now they had their spots open (promotion in our department is very complex process) any way I was called to take part in the interview and I did very good job at Interview, there were other candidates too who had already applied for these promotional openings. Lots of people in our division thought this would be my chance but in to my surprise and some other co-workers surprise they picked two other guys because these positions originally belonged to their team!! I was so upset because I know that if they wanted they could move around positions and they had done that in the past, but this was a very political battle between managers and I was the victim of it. I am usually a strong person but I could not stop crying when I heard the result. I was so mad. I have been in this organization longer than those guys, I have a lot more experience and accomplishments and now because of some games behind the scene I could not get the promotion. My boss tried to calm me down and said that he had really tried to get the position for me but the other manager arguments’ was that I was not involved enough in contracting and working with vendors!! What a Bull Shit, since when a lead developer should waste her/his time doing contracts and paper work rather than creating new stuff so she/he could deserve a promotion.
Any way I am still mad and am already looking for opportunities in other places, but at the same time I don’t want to rush to anything and don’t want to go back to private sector. I feel that I was betrayed.

Good Book

2011-09-03T11:55:00.000-07:00

-I just finished Aleph, the new book of Paulo Coelho. The first book that I read from him was Alchemist, I read that book three times and every time I got a new message from it. Aleph was quite interesting and sometimes very deep and complex. I needed to think after reading some paragraphs, analyze what I just read and try to digest it.
I myself kind of believe in re-incarnation. My theory like lots of people out there is that god is great and there should be justice in this world that he has created so since there is no real justice at least for majority of live creatures in this world, the only explanation is that we come back again and if we are good people, in our next life we will have a good life but if we have done bad things to others, our next life depending on our pervious actions will be kind of like a hell! I think we come and go until our soul purifies and we do not need to come back again and go to another dimension that nobody really knows about. This can be another interpretation of hell and haven of prophets. Of course that it is just a theory and nobody really knows. As I wrote about it in my blog before, re-incarnation kind of makes sense to me. Any way the book Aleph touches this subject in a very deep and complex way which made me really wonder that who I really was in my pervious life. I feel like I have an old soul and I have been back and forth several times already!! What do you think??

-Email, text, social networks have made friendships a lot shallower these days. Lots of people think if they are friend with someone on Facebook for instance that is good enough for keeping in touch. I am an old school person I believe in real contact, like picking up the phone and do the real talk or meet a friend for lunch to chat, laugh or share some discomfort or happiness. I think two of my old friends from Iran that they live just 1 hour away from me are not real friends any more. They are just Facebook friends and I have decided to stop trying to care and contact (real contact) them. I am not going to break up or anything like that but simply have come to conclusion that they are not really caring anymore and may be they rather hang out with new friends. That is sad because we kind of grew up together, especially with one of them but she just recently did something that proved to me that we are just people that know each other from long time ago not close or best friends. For a long while (I have written about this before here) I was in denial and I could not accept that we are not best friends anymore because we used to have a great bound but now I am old enough and mature enough to digest that and I am happy with other friends that still care and still call even from other part of the world to say Happy Birthday or how do you do…

??

2011-08-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

Today I read in a Persian News Site (Balatarin) that a newly opened restaurant that is a roller restaurant, located on top of a big building in north of Tehran, serves food that cost about $280 per person. The shocking part was the price of Ice cream that is covered with some sort of eatable gold!!! and is $250. I don’t think, even the most expensive restaurant in New York or Paris serve an ice cream with this ridiculous price. Who are the people that eat that Ice cream? How someone can spend $250 on Ice cream while in the same city some people sell their own kidney to provide food for their kids! Or poor kids in Somalia die out of hunger every day. If I even own $500,000,000 someday I won’t eat Ice cream that costs $250.

Misc

2011-08-03T19:27:00.000-07:00

-Things are pretty steady in my life these days. Which is good. Kids are enjoying their summer time, some days go to summer camps some days staying home with my Mom. Last Friday I took off and took them to the beach with a friend of mine and her sons. They played for about 6 hours in sands! Making sand holes and sand castles. I don’t know what is about sand on the beach that attracts kids so much and keeps them busy! If you have free time and live in a beach city and want to be able to relax and keep your kids busy just take them to the beach!! I have to say that I am glad that I brought my second son, I was not really sure that I could handle two kids but now when I see that they play together and keeps each other company I become very happy.

-I am still practicing meditation and it has changed my life. I can see the change in myself and even my husband has noticed it too. I am more calm and relax and also more present. I use any opportunity to relax and meditate even if it is 5 minutes. I really have to visit the surgeon that recommended me to read “Full Catastrophe living” I have not finished the book yet but it has changed my life I have to stop at his office and take him some Chocolate and thank him to give me such a great guidance. It seems Westerns are more and more realizing the value of meditation and Yoga these days, when I go to my Yoga class on Saturday mornings, in 5 minutes class gets full and that shows much people are interested in these practices that Easterns have followed for thousands of years. We all should learn from each other and make the best of all cultures. That is the key to a better world for sure.

-I read in news today that the Iranian girl whom was a hatred victim of an idiot who spilled Acid on her face forgave him so he would not face the same punishment which by Islamic law would be Acid on his face too. That is real forgiveness, I pray for her to get better. She has a great soul something that lots of people are missing these days.

-US government was like a real circus in last couple of weeks for passing the law to raise the debt ceiling, it was very frustrating process and I like many other Americans am so mad at republicans and those idiot tea baggers! They have no shame and they just want to save the rich people ass. They don’t care for Americans and I truly don’t understand how people voted for them to have the majority of congress again. Don’t they know any better! Wake up guys, these Millionaires and billionaires that you have elected to decide for your life are bunch of selfish and ruthless people who just work for the top %1. That’s all. Let the top %1 vote for them not us!

Summer

2011-07-14T21:59:00.001-07:00

It’s been a while that I have not written any post on my blog. Busy life is the only excuse.

-We went to a cruise vacation the week before last week and kids loved it. My older son asked us to pay more and stay one more week!! It was nice and relaxing but sometimes challenging with kids, especially at formal dinners!! I think cruise vacations are the most convenient and relaxing vacation for families. American cruise lines are pretty good and have excellent service, huge ships with lots of entertainment and really good food. I highly recommend it to everyone. We were ported at Cobos San lucas in Mexico and also Puerto Vallarta. I had been to Cobos before, Puerto Vallarta was really beautiful. Anyway it was a good vacation.

-My cousin whom I have tons of childhood memories with and we were best friends when we were kids has just moved to US. They came last week and are already looking to rent a place and trying to settle down. She is in so much rush to settle down and does not want to check different option for example for buying a Laptop or renting a place. It is interesting to me how energetic and rushy rushy she is. When you are far from your relatives and you grow apart from them, and then become close again, you see lots of things that you did not know about the person. I really like her; she is very nice and fun girl. She has moved here with her husband. I truly hope that everything works out for them. They are super excited!

-I got a fantastic massage at my lunch time today. I have recently discovered a place just 5 minutes from my work that has eastern massage. It is just $20 for one hour!! Regular massage places charge something between $60-$150 per hour! This is a great deal and it is great massage! The owner is Chinese. I heard they bring the masseuses from China and provide them room and board so they can make them work for a very little salary. I think poor masseuses make more money out of tips. Americans are very good about tipping I think better than any other place in the world. Anyhow Massage is one of my favorite things in life and I am so happy that I can get massage during my lunch hour sometimes. I need it for sure!!

Have a great time and enjoy summer.

Before I die ...

2011-06-08T20:20:00.001-07:00

I got an email few days ago showing a big wall in a city in New Orleans U.S. that had a big title on the top as Before You die, under the title were prepared lines like the ones that you see in notebooks for people to write on them. There were interesting comments written by people like:

Save a life
Finish school
Make a difference
See my daughter graduate
Etc.

I thought to myself what I like to see or do before I die, here is my list, if you like share yours:
-See my kids graduate from college and be healthy and happy
-See Iran free of this regime with a real democratic government
-See a more peaceful world, especially Middle East.
-See cure for cancer or at least ways to detect and control cancerous cells.
-Africa free from hunger and more prosperous.
-President Obama second term
-Travel to the following cities/countries for the first time or again: New York City, Paris, Italy, Austria, Tahiti, Australia, News Land, London, Iran.
-Write a book
-Win the lottery…

Misc

2011-05-18T20:55:00.000-07:00

-As I wrote before, I am meditating these days. I try to do it at least 15 min per day. I just close my eyes pay attention to my breath or scan my body. I try just pay attention to the moment and my breath or inner body, whenever my mind flies toward a thought I try to catch it and bring it’s attention back to the moment. It is hard but I keep trying and I feel that I have become calmer and I let go of useless thoughts even when I am not meditating during day. Most of the time when I think about something negative or useless I remember to let it go and tell myself that I should not waste my energy on that thought. It is a hard practice but very helpful. Most of the time, when I get exhausted because of the kids, husband or other routine stuff and become angry I remember that I should let go of that angry thought which is really necessary for me!! I hope I can continue like this and it becomes my habit. We human beings become excited about something new
and peruse it for a while but later on give it up and go back to our norm. I hope this is a deep practice for me and I need to remind myself every day to follow it.

-There is lots of different news these days from killing Bin Laden (which is still covered in Media) to IMF chief sex scandal. It is very weird world. Evil never ends and due to big media coverage, satellites, social networks and Internet we all hear about all these things almost as soon as they happen. I was happy that they finally found Bin Laden, although there are lots of different theories about the whole thing but at least there is one less evil person in this world. I hope at least some of his followers realize that his way was not really the right way to fight any thing and anybody or any injustice that they believe in. They have to know that he was using them to satisfy his own evil wills. He could use his wealth to educate his followers to become doctors, engineers, scientists and they educate more people and in this way help people in poor countries to become stronger and gain their rights and stand up for themselves. Terrors and wars are
never solution to any problem!

-I saw a good movie last week, Limitless. It was interesting, one of those movies that make you think about it for couple of days. At least I found it interesting.

-I just finished reading les Miserable’s originally written in French and translated to English as The Miserable one. The Farsi Translation is Binavayan. I saw the movie in Iran translated to Farsi and also have seen the Cartoon, translated to Farsi as well When I was a kid, but I never got chance to read the book. Last year when I was in Iran I bought whole bunch of books, I found an old set of The miserable ones or Binavayan and bought it right away. I started reading it couple of months ago and finally finished it. It is a good book. I enjoyed it a lot and while I read I would remember the cartoon characters and tried to match it with the book characters. It is nice to read old novels sometimes. It let us realize how much world has changed and lots of these changes may be are good for us, especially in democratic countries.

I am still around

2011-04-30T22:00:00.001-07:00

I have been very lazy to update my blog recently. I wanted to but got caught up in different things.

-I had some health issues recently, nothing very serious but bothersome. Like a dental surgery last week! I am OK now. I am practicing Meditation every day. I have just started it recently. It is very helpful to get over stress and body pain if you are dealing with any of that. My doctor suggested reading Full Catastrophic living book to learn more about meditation and practicing it. I am reading the book and am following it’s instructions. I think everyone needs to dedicate few minutes of his/her time every day to just sit somewhere quite without any distraction and just paying attention to breathing flow of body. It is not very easy because we always have so many thoughts in our mind but the point of practice is observing the thoughts and guide back the mind to breathing flow. So you practice to be mindful, that helps to release stress very effectively.

-I am going to be 38 next Friday! My god not much time left to 40!! Sometimes it is so hard to believe that we are aging and getting older…

Happy Nowruz

2011-03-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

Happy Persian New Year to all Iranians and whoever that celebrates Nowruz all around the world.
This year I really wished that I was in Iran for Nowuz, I wished I would go to the busy streets and watch people shopping and would have fun with my family and relatives.
This year New Year was on last Sunday in the afternoon, 4:19 our time. We went to my hysband's cousin's house for dinner and it was fun but Monday we went to work as usual :(
President Obama's Nowruz messagae for Iranians this year was wonderfull, he even mentined the names of some political prisoners and he said he is with people with young generation who want freedom. I truly hope that we see the change that we are looking for in Iran this year.

I wish the whole world a better year with peace and freedom and more prosperity.

Misc

2011-03-07T20:17:00.001-08:00

-I have been very busy as usual recently. I needed to finish an important and complicated piece of our project for a demo to Microsoft. They wanted to make a video from our achievements using their products and technologies. Any way I could finish it on time and my boss was very pleased. He was bragging about me to everyone and explaining how fast and efficient I was!! I always get uncomfortable when people admire me especially professionally. I just keep remind myself in my head “do not get too proud and always stay humble”. I am kind of superstitious about becoming too proud, I think when people become too proud and snob about their qualities that is when a something bad happens, some sort of lesson from up there to remind the person that nothing lasts forever and god does not like snob people any way!! I think we can even see that in history, lots of powerful leaders lost their power after they became too proud and snob. By way I am not that
special and am just doing my work but I am kind of quick and I hope I can always stay that way.

-It is very crazy in Libya and I feel so sad for their people, it seems that Ghazafi is even crazier than Ahmadinejad, or may be Ahmadinejad and his gang are crazy as him but they are not that threatened yet to show their depth of craziness. I truly hope that Libyan get a better government and better life and of course Iranians too. I think Iran needs bigger and more often demonstrations to get a result, although it is easy to say that for me that not living there. It is very hard for people over there when such a savage government arrests and kills people and then denies it completely but the only solution would be huge demonstrations like millions of people get out in to street and make government off guard and dysfunctional.

-My friend from Italy came and visited me here in San Diego for three days, it was nice to see her again after 10 years, when you do not see your friends especially childhood friends and then you see them again after a while, you feel that the time has changed every one but there is still connection there. Last weekend I drove to Orange County to see her and my other childhood friend, we, three of us used to be very close back in Iran. We went out to a bar restaurant with another friend of my friend. I was the only married one. They are not married and no kids. I felt I am not really missing singlehood, at age of 37 I would not enjoy being single any more. Sometimes I get too overwhelmed by my busy life and responsibilities that I have as a wife, a working mom and all that but that night again I felt happy that I was married and I was a mom. It is well worth the entire headache, although I am not as free as a single person but I feel that I am more
filled with love internally and that keeps me going in life. At least having a family is what would be right for me in life may be somebody is single and enjoys it very much which is great. Everyone is different of course but it is good to analyze ourselves and our life style every once in a while and see where we are standing and if we are happy with that…

Let’s pray for peace and freedom for every human being, internally and externally. Amen.

Freedom

2011-02-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

I am home today because my younger son is sick. I am following up on Iran News. Is it possible that this movement continues like Egypt? The whole world is still in surprise and amazement of what happened in Egypt. U.S. had a big role, if U.S. had not supported Egyption movement, things would get bloody there too and it would not be easy for people to successed. I give lots of credit to Egyptions for their strong will. Good for them. I hope things move forward towards real democracy for them not any kind of Islamic regim. I hope U.S. supports Iranians more and people in iran can see freedom that they deserve soon. Although Iran situation is different and is much more difficult. Iranian regim is very wild and rutless. I pray for the whole world to have freedom and equal opportunity. Every human being deserves that.
Happy Velentine's day to every one especially people who fight for freedom.

Just another post

2011-01-29T15:43:00.000-08:00

-I cannot believe that the first month of 2011 is ending in couple of days and my younger son turns 3 years old on Sunday. He is fully potty trained now. For people who have kids know how big of a challenge is potty training. Any way I cannot believe time flies this fast. He is very cute boy and very talkative, speaks both Farsi and English very well.

-My older brother is getting married for the 4th time!! I cannot believe him, he is a risk taker for sure. We are so different from each other. He is marrying one of my cousins in Iran!! He just went for a vacation and now we hear they are in love and they are planning to get married!! That is kind of crazy to me. My cousin is about 17 years younger than him and they are a very rich family, I don’t think she is marrying him for green card! But what is the explanation to this kind of marriage, plain love? I hope this time he will be happy and they live happily ever after!!

-One of my friends from Iran that I know her since elementary school has come to U.S for visiting. She will come to San Diego to spend few days with me next week. Last time that I saw her was 10 years ago, I am excited to see her again.

-The world news is very rebellious these days, demonstration and riots in Tunisia, Egypt and now Yemen Good for Tunisians, they could get rid of dictatorship, I hope they don’t fall for any kind of Islamic system, like what Iranians did 32 years ago. When we are going to hear this news again about Iran? With all these execution news these days from Iran, It needs lots of courage for people to go to the streets again. I truly hope that Iranians become free again.

Happy new Year

2011-01-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

-Happy New Year to everyone. I hope that this New Year is a better year for the whole world, more prosperity and more peace.
My husband and I took some time off to spend time with kids during holidays and 3 of us got sick :( but in overall it was good to be home with kids. It was so hard to go back to school and work on Monday though.
My resolution for this New Year is almost same as last couple years. Be more present and easy going. Life is too short and it is not worth it to worry too much especially on little things. I want to be kinder and more patient than ever especially towards my loved ones. Recently I feel how life is too short more than any time in my life. This New Year was the first New Year that I asked my husband how many more New Years do you think we will see? So just live life to the fullest and do not worry too much, bring more smiles to other people faces and let go of little disturbances of life.

-I heard very sad news yesterday about Prince Alireza Pahlavi and his suicide, I got really sad. Especially for his mother. I think she is one of the most unfortunate queens of history. She lost her crown, her home, her husband, her younger girl (she committed suicide 9 years ago) and now her younger son. How much one can take in a life time? I am so sorry for her loss.

Life + Underestanding God

2010-12-22T19:47:00.000-08:00

-I watched the famous love story movie when I was just about 16 years old. I remember that I cried so hard at the end of the movie. When my parent came back from shopping and saw me crying like that were shocked that what happened and I told that I was crying because of that movie ended so sadly!
Anyway, Yesterday Oprah had interview with both Ali McGraw and Ryan O’Neil, the stars of love story movie. That was a touching interview, they played that movie about 40 years ago(1971) and it was a big hit at that time. They both have grown old now, and you could see change in their faces and as they said in their personalities and life style, the actual love story happened to Ryan O’Neil in reality. He lost his wife Farah Faucet after 30 years that they were together last year. She had a long battle with cancer. Watching that interview made me thinking about how fast life goes by and youth ends, we all grow old and our era ends. While we are young most of us think that we are the center of life but we are just a drop in the ocean of life and when we disappear nothing really happens and life goes on and on.
We all know these facts more or less but we are so attached to this temporary life and youth and at the same time don’t use it to the maximum and waste big chunk of our time in getting upset about little things, thinking about past, planning about future and other useless stuff.
I am learning more and more every day to try to be more present and enjoy little things here and there. Try to just let it go and forget about little unpleasant things. It needs lots of practice and I am not a very smart and fast student in this specific important course of life but I am trying…

-It’s been raining crazy in southern California in last few days. I have not seen such a heavy duty rain and storm in last 12 years that I have moved here. Last night while it was raining so hard I was thinking to myself that I hope all the homeless people can get a place in homeless shelters and stay safe and dry in this rain . Winter is the worst time of the year for them. While I was thinking about homeless people I turned to my husband and said if I were god, I would not let any poverty to exist. Everyone would have at least a minimum for living (that would be everywhere on earth, not just socialist countries). Everyone would have a roof on top of his head and enough food to eat. There would be differences in people life style and amount of their wealth but no poverty. I would let every human being to age up to 60, so they would have enough time to experience life at some extent. Nobody would die from a very painful and long term sickness. It
would be a quick heart attack or accident. I would not let any child to be born handicapped or retarded. I would take a way greed, jealousy and violence from human kind. So there would not be any war. I would not let human beings to discover that they could use narcotics for fun and enjoyment. I would disable that part of the brain that enjoys drug…
May be god has reasons to have all this going on in our life but we are like a kid that do not understand his parents when they say you cannot have more chocolate or you cannot play with fire. May be we just cannot understand god. I know that he is grater and nicer than what we all think but I am too little to understand his policies. May be he gave us enough choices and brain and that’s all up to us to lead a good life… who knows…but something that I know is not every one get same equal opportunity since he/she is born…

I wish everyone who celebrates Christmas, a very great Christmas and great New Year full of joy and happiness...

2010-12-06T17:37:00.000-08:00

There are few blogs that are mostly Persian and I check them couple times a week. Some of them are very informative. Recently I see lots of bad stories that happen in Iran, I know it is not a big surprise but I get really upset when I read these stories. Here are two recent examples:

I am sure you all know and have read enough about Shahla Jahed that got executed last week. She was convicted to murder, murdering her rival. The wife of her lover, she actually was second temporary wife of a famous Football player. She had confessed in the beginning of the trial that she had killed the victim but later on refused it and said she was under pressure. Lots of people say the guy, that was her temporary husband and the whole thing happened because of him had asked her to do that confession. Any way although they did not have enough proof they executed her. The worst part is that they hanged her and the little son of the victim threw the hanging stool!! What kind of adults can take a little boy to an old age way of execution scene and let him throw the stool?? Do they know what they have done to him for the rest of his life? They killed any kind of mercy and forgiveness in his little heart and grew hatred and violence seeds instead. I read incomments of lots of blogs that people say the “killer” (which is never proven was the real killer) deserved it because she ruined some body’s else life and had affair with a married man. I agree that having affair with any married person is a big sin and is very immoral but executing someone while her guilt is not proven is a huge sin. The thing that I did not see anybody to mention is the coincidence of this execution with all the fuss in international media for execution sentence of another woman Sakineh Ashtiani because of having affair while she was married. Don’t you think that they executed the first sentenced woman to redirect attention from second injustice and unfair sentence?Why everything about Iran is so wrong? What kind of justice system can execute a person when there is not enough evidence and the person herself says she did not do it! I know that there is no perfect justice system in this world but in modern western countries at least they try to follow certain regulations. There is Jury duty, lots of factors are considered and without enough evidence the suspect does not get such a harsh sentence like death penalty. I know that in lots of European counties there is not such a sentence as death penalty and in U.S. in some states it is banned. Believe it or not it is more expensive to execute a person in U.S than giving the person life sentence (being in prison for life). The reason is that Human rights organizations appeal every time and the case should get reviewed all the way and sometimes these appeals happen multiple time and it costs the judicial system lots of money to review and reevaluate the case each time…

Another sad story that I just read in a blog was about a poor constructor worker that died while he was at work and there was no help or support from government or the employer for his family. His wife had such a hard time supporting her kids. She could not provide even foods that kids wanted from her. Long story short, her son asked her for rice and meat one day, she tried to postpone his wish because did not have enough money to buy meat and asked him to get “20” in his test (20 equals A+ in Iran) so he would have rice and meat as his reward. When the boy comes back home with 20 and asked if there was rice and meat for him. Mom was so upset because she could not give him his award and pushed him out of the kitchen, but poor guy slipped and his head was hit by a sharp thing and died. Mom ended up to mental hospital for two years. This story was told in national TV of Iran as the blogger said.How such a thing can happen in a country that is second exporter of oil in the world?? They say U.S. is a capitalistic country and social benefits are not good comparing to European countries which is true. But if a woman or man has low income (make less than $13000 a year) and has young kids can get free health insurance from government and child support for kids up to the age of 21. They can have a low income rental homes which are available in every neighborhood even very nice neighborhoods…

Oh well these stories truly break my heart and I hate that system so much for all the injustice and corruption…

Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T21:00:00.000-08:00

Today was my 12th Thanksgiving in U.S.

I think this is such a nice and meaningful holiday. I always enjoy it. It is really good to think about our blessings and thank god for it. I have lots of blessings in my life, the most important one is my beautiful family. I am so grateful for having my sons they are every thing to me. My husband with all the ups an downs in our life is always my best friend, the best friend that you get mad at some times. I am also grateful for having my job, I always enjoy it. The most important blessing of course is my health and my family's health.
I have had a health issue recently which is not critical but caused me some pain and I am still under medication for it. Since I got this health problem I appreciate healthiness a lot more.

I encourage every one to sit and just think for few minutes and count what are the blessings of their lives, it is really good for your mood and is great encouragement tool.

Bad Election

2010-11-03T21:25:00.001-07:00

I cannot express how disappointed I am at the election results in U.S.What do these people think? They showed again like 2004 how idiot they are and how easily they can be fooled by just empty promises and big lies. They really think that all the problems of this country is because President is not doing well and democrats have not been performing right. Don’t they remember what republican administration did to this country and the whole world in 8 years? Do they really expect to be all fixed in less than two year?

Oh, well If majority of people were smart, we had a better world to live in, in the first place!

At least California stayed blue, with Democrat Senator and Democrat governor!

Election Again

2010-10-14T21:52:00.000-07:00

-I wish I could go on another vacation! I am already tired and need some time off. In US, you are lucky if you have 3 weeks off yearly; in some companies employees have just 2 weeks or even one week vacation per year. Since I work for government, I have 3 weeks and 2 days. When I work for 15 years (I am working for this government agency almost 8 years now) then I will have 4 weeks and 2 days!! In most of European countries people have 5 to 6 weeks vacation per year which is great! Now American people sit there and worry that your country is becoming socialist under this president Administration, what is wrong with being socialist after all? Having more vacation? Having free health care? More unemployment money? Being taken care of at retirement?

-November election is coming up and I am going to mail my ballot today. I truly hope that Democrats can get majority of house and senate again. Unfortunately there have been lots of negative advertisement against them! in last 2 years president Obama and his administration have worked so hard to save this sinking ship, people have already forgot that Dow Jones went down to 6000 point when the pervious president was leaving the office and now is passed 11000 point. All those big corporates that don’t want to hire unemployed people so can cash more money have had profit since last year. This president kind of got rid of the unnecessary expensive war in Iraq and is trying to settle down in Afghanistan and end that war too. He and this Democrat congress and Senate tried so hard to pass health care reform that has lots of benefits for regular people, one of the best benefit is to stop insurance companies from denying people with pre-excising condition. Insurances could drop you off if you had cancer!!! He has modified the student loan process so it is going to be cheaper and more convenient for students to get loan. He has started the financial reforms to stop banks and financial companies from some maneuvers that they would play to put more money in their pocket and sock more blood from people and some other reforms that he is still working on it like clean energy and so for. Any way unfortunately people in United States can be easily manipulated by media, the media that get most of their money and fund from rich people and of course rich people don’t like these reforms! I truly hope that people come to their senses and don’t let Republicans take over congress and senate. Then we would definitely go backward again.

-I saw Social Network (the movie about Facebook inventors) over the weekend. It was a good movie. Not everything in the movie is true though but I liked it.

Dreams!

2010-09-24T18:34:00.001-07:00

-Recently I have been very busy and at the same time lazy to update my blog!
I am fine these days. Now that both boys are in school our schedule is more crazy. The little one has adjusted to school very well. He is such a good boy, as much as my older boy is challenging and difficult the second one is easy going and easy to deal with!

-How much do you believe in dreams and their meanings?
I have a dream experience that I want to share with you.
Sometimes people that are in long marriages like myself, get bored, when I feel bored of my marriage, I think to myself may be I am not that excited about my husband any more, or I ask myself if I feel the same passion and chemistry that I felt when we were newly married! These feelings and questions are usually temporary and then I forget all about it in couple days, but the interesting thing is whenever I think that I am bored or if I were single I would have more fun, the very same night I have a dream that I am single and very lonely, I cannot find or meet anybody and I am very sad in my dream. When I wake up in the morning and I see my husband next to me, I say to myself thank god that I am not lonely and I have him next to me!! The weird thing is that every time that I have these kinds of thoughts I have the same dream at night. It is like god wants to give me a message that I should appreciate my life, my marriage and the fact that I have a man in my life who cares about me!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you think?

schools

2010-09-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

-Schools have started in our School district from last Monday. My older son is in Second grade now.
I have put my little one who is 2.7 years old now in pre-school since Monday as well. Monday and Tuesday I took off from work and went with him to pre-school for couple of hours so he gets used to the environment but since Wednesday he is on his own. He does not like to get separated from me in the morning and cries but teachers told me after half an hour he feels better and starts playing. Poor thing, he is having hard time but I think he gets used to it and it is good for him to be around other kids. My Mom was very tired recently and I could tell that she wanted to be free of babysitting. She volunteered to pick the little one and older one from school in the afternoon so they would not be at school for long hours which is great. Thank god that my mom is here and is so helpful.

-I got a bad news from one of my close friends, she has got breast cancer. She had operation last Monday but the Pathology result says that the cancer is a progressive one so she should have another operation and radiation afterwards. I am so sad for her. She is a sweetheart and I always feel so close to her. I hear lots of people get cancer these days and I think it is all because of our stressful lives. They say the first reason for getting cancer is stress which makes the immune system weak and let cancerous cells attack our body easily and just grow! I recently try to avoid stress but sometimes it is hard to avoid it. My friend is one of those people who always eat healthy and exercise but she had a stressful job and recently lost her job and she was very stressed. I truly hope that she gets better, please pray for her especially if you are reading this post and you are on fast due to Ramadon.

New Post

2010-08-07T17:24:00.000-07:00

When you are single, you can do whatever you want with your life. You can quit your work. You can move to another country. You can sleep in the park, you can change your career, etc but when you get married and especially when you have kids, you cannot make any decision without considering your spouse and more importantly your kids! You are not one individual only responsible for yourself you are 2, 3, 4,… people! Although some people always think about themselves and what they want in the moment even if they are married and have kids but in my standards those people are selfish!
Sometimes, just sometimes I wish I could be only me for only one week and could do whatever I want to do! Is it too bad?

Back from Vacation

2010-07-18T20:44:00.001-07:00

I came back from my big vacation! I and my family traveled to Iran. My husband was visiting after almost 30 years. He was excited and nervous as well! Every thing was smooth at the airport except the fact that none of our luggage was there. We received them the following day. I was seeing my brother and his family after 9 years and he was seeing my family for the first time.
First few days was very shocking to my husband, everything had changed to him, all the street, their names and even people. His Mom still lives in the same house that he used to live before leaving Iran. He was very emotional when he first entered the house.
I had mixed feelings in first few days, I was happy to see my brother and his family but was disappointed about Tehran, it seemed dirtier, more populated, very expensive and very unorganized!! I have to apologize to Iranian readers if I am hurting their feelings by saying this but I found Tehran worse than ever. The driving violations were crazy and unbelievable. I don’t know how people can afford this city any more. Most of things were more expensive than U.S. like grocery items, meat, some restaurants and Clothes. I was sad to see that most of people were not happy and were complaining about everything I saw lots of frustration among people.
Any way after staying one week in Tehran we traveled to Isfahan, one of my uncles and his family live there. I think Isfahan was a lot better than Tehran. The city is very clean and is beautiful. You see parks everywhere and people really care about their city. My husband liked it there a lot. Our next stop was at Shiraz where most of my relatives live. Shiraz is not as clean as Isfahan but is better than Tehran I think, and is more affordable. I visited all my uncles, aunts and cousins. We were invited for all the lunches and dinners and in between we would go for site seeing. We visited Persepolis, Hafezieh, Saadi, Baghe Eram, Baghe Afif abad and my husband enjoyed it a lot. After 6 day staying in Shiraz we went back to Tehran and now I was more used to everything. It was very hot especially towards the end of our trip but it was a good trip and I am so glad that I could visit all my close relatives. Traveling with kids was not that easy but it was a good experience. They both enjoyed it a lot. My older son liked Iran very much (I guess more than me!! He said he would move there!!!!!!! ) I think the reason is all the attention that he got.
Any way we got back to US on Monday night, it was a long way to go but thank god that everything passed well. Now I am back to my routines and have started working from Wednesday. Everyone at work was concerned about me and were happy that I got back safe. People here do not have a good image of Iran especially these days, they think it is not safe and every one can get in to trouble with government. I tried to explain that it is not that bad and Iranian people are strong and they try to make the best of every thing as much as possible!
I truly wish that everything gets better in Iran and people get their freedom and all the good things that they deserve back.

vacation

2010-06-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

My life is as busy as always. Even busier.

My son’s school ended yesterday which is a relief. He had few little issues lately at school. I think towards the end of the school year kids get tired and bug each other more, but as usual stressed me out .At the end it was all fine and he got a good report.
Last week after years I decided to spend a day just on my own and do whatever I like to do so I took off from work and did not even tell my Mom about it because she would plan things for me to do! Any way I had a nice breakfast I got an amazing massage. I met my friend for lunch and we went to Movie Theater to watch Sex and the City 2. It was a good movie I could relate to it a lot especially with one of the actresses “Charlotte” who has two kids in the movie!! Any way it was a fun day for me after a long time. I think I have to do this every few months if I can.

Tomorrow I am going to a big vacation that I will write about it when I am back. Wish me luck please…

Busy

2010-05-27T18:00:00.000-07:00

I am very busy as usual. Too busy. I wish I had more time for myself! two kids, full time work and a demanding husband is sometimes very overwhelming.
I am working on my goal to be more calm but sometimes it is so hard to stay calm like today that my son drove me crazy for doing his homework. The worst part of my day is when he should his homework!!I become mad and then I hate myself for it. I wish my son was a better listener!

3... Birthday!!

2010-05-05T17:02:00.001-07:00

Wow! I am turning 37 in two days and it is hard to believe it for me. I still feel like I am in my 20’s!!
My big resolution for age of 37 is to stay calm. I am always so inspired by calm people, who are so strong that nothing can really change their attitude and behavior. A very good example is President Obama. He is always facing whole lots of different challenges and different criticisms but he is always so calm and together! I don’t think that I can ever be a very calm person because part of it depends on one’s nature but I can practice it and learn it to some degree for sure.
Although I still feel that I am in my 20’s but I know that personally I have grown since I am in my 30’s. I am more open- minded about lots of different aspects of life. Less religious and more liberal. It is interesting that people become more conservative by aging but I am becoming more liberal by ageing.
May be the environment that we live in has a big role in our beliefs and perspectives. I am not religious any more but I my god is greater than ever. I am more environmentalist than before and I really do care for a green earth, I cared about it before but not that deeply. I am not prejudice about any religion, sex, nationality and life style and I mean it. This is something that I have learned in last few years by being exposed to all sorts of people from different religions, nationality and sexual preferences.
So after all, aging has not been a bad thing for me. But still there is a lot to learn and improve…

To be on FaceBook or Not!!!!!!

2010-04-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

It is so interesting that people re-connect through social networking web sites these days, especially by Facebook which I think is the most popular one! I myself did not want to be on these sites and once opened an account on Orkut but soon closed my account. Since I am a Technology person I know that these sites although they have some level of security but they are not really secure. For example Face book owns your data and even if you deactivate your account they still have your data like pictures, etc. Any way most of my friends were on Facebook and suggested that I join to. I decided to join when my cousins in Iran and Europe encouraged me to have the account so we can see each other’s pictures and be in touch easier. Lots of my classmates even from elementary school found me on Facebook and also my collage classmates found me as well, which is interesting. When you see their pictures with their kids, husbands and wives is really entertaining. Most of my classmates and friends do not even live in Iran any more.

Three weeks ago I had a request from a friend who is a guy and was my teacher’s son back in Iran who madly fell in love with me at that time. I was 16 and he was 18 or 19 but I was very young, not really ready for having a boy friend, especially because I was from a restrict family and I also liked another guy so I hurt his feelings. He was such a good guy but I did not treat him well. Later we were just friends and by the time that I was graduated from high school he moved to Europe and I never heard of him after wards. Now all of a sudden he found me on Facebook and wanted to be added to my Friends list. I sent him a message and mentioned that I am married and have two boys and he wrote back that he is divorced and no kids. Any way I did not want to hurt him again and I added him to list of my friends. He had seen my kid’s pictures and wrote me how cute they are. He sent another message which I did not respond! I don’t know how right it is to add people that they had some sort of romantic role in our lives at some point, especially if we are married now. Although it was nothing serious and I never played the role of his girl friend I am still skeptic about having him in list of my friends in Facebook and be in touch. My husband told me once that a serious girl friend that he had when he was younger like 20 years ago wanted to add him as a friend but he did not add her which was impressive to me. Now I think maybe I did not do the right thing but on the other hand I was not really serious with him any way but what if he still has some feelings for me, usually when you love someone when you see them or be in touch with them again can bring memories and feelings back to you, even if it has been a long time!! May be I am just making it a big deal! The thing is that I don’t want anything affect my loyalty level towards my husband and my family.
Oh well may be being on Facebook is not the best idea for me after all!!

Just another post

2010-04-16T22:03:00.000-07:00

-I have been very lazy for writing in my blog recently. May be I do not have much to say these days. every thing is just same routines of life, no extraordinary high light!

-Weird things are happening in the world. Earth quakes (we had one in San Diego 2 weeks a go a big one but thank god no damage!), Volcano disaster in Iceland. God saves us all!!!!!

-I saw a movie Chloe last week in movie theater. it is good to watch, especially for couples it shows how much communication is important in any relationship and every couple should be very careful about their assumptions about the other half!!

- I am reading a very good book "three cups of tea" I highly recommend it.

Health care bill passed

2010-03-23T21:04:00.000-07:00

Finally congress passed the Health Care reform bill. I am so happy about it and President signed it to the law today. This was indeed a big victory and a major change. I was really hoping that this bill would pass and I am glad that I supported it from the beginning and helped the Health Care campaign a little. Although my help was really small but I did what I could by donating some money here and there, sent some letters to opponent representatives, made some phone calls and etc. I did these secretly and just tried to be helpful. I and my husband both have very good health care plan because we are both government employees but I felt so responsible for all those people who cannot afford health care or those poor kids that their parents cannot buy them insurance. Besides the high cost of health insurance in U.S. the worst thing was that insurance companies could drop someone’s health care plan just because the person had cancer or an expensive disease. What civilization can accept such a cruelty? I really do not understand all those republicans and some traitor democrats that were and still are against such a humanitarian reform!! Any way this is a huge victory for people who voted for change and god blesses President Obama for all his efforts and persistency for this bill. He is the man with high integrity, who does what is good for the people of his country not caring about stupid polls or re-election. I believe that he is the best president of our time and I am sure that history will say that too.

New year is coming

2010-03-12T17:46:00.000-08:00

-Persian New Year is just around the corner. I want to do the major house clean up (khooneh takani) like every year but my house keeper stood me up yesterday! Hopefully she shows up tomorrow! For Iranians, New Year without a real clean house is not a real new year!! As usual every year around this time I review my memories of the New Years back in Iran. I and my cousins used to get very excited about the New Year, new clothes and gifts that we would get. When I was grown up we used to go to Shomal (north of Iran) and we had so much fun to go to meet up places that all young girls and boys from Tehran would gather! When I think about my life back in Iran is like I think about another life time in another planet. My life has changed so much! I am a married woman with two kids and a professional job in U.S now. I am so far from a care free girl who did not have any worries rather than studying for exams and sometimes dramas with boys!! DO I want to go back to that time? Not really! Although was fun but I think I am happy with where I am and who I am now!
-I am reading a book (Shohare Ahoo khanoom) these days that is Persian story about a house wife whose husband decided to get married with a younger woman and brings the second wife to the same house!!The story happens around 1940’s (Reza Shah time). Obviously the whole story makes me so frustrated about women rights in Iran. Unfortunately men can do the same thing today in 21st century in Iran and some other countries too. Since I am reading this book I thank god a lot for being an independent woman living in United States and have a husband that I know that so far has been very faithful to me. It is so painful to see that men can be so cruel to their wives who has been always there for them and who is mother of their kids. Women in civilized societies like US take all their rights for granted and some of them do not appreciate it that much, although they are right, having proper rights is the normal thing not the other way around! Even here woman are not 100% equal with men and still there is room for women right improvements. Seeing so much injustice towards women in other parts of the world makes me so grateful for being part of this society who protects me from those kind of injustice. I can confess that since I am reading this book I am nicer to my husband(it is a secret between me and you) because I compare myself with the woman in the story and I feel so blessed! I guess we all need to read these kinds of books every once in a while to appreciate what we have more!

Employee of the quarter!

2010-03-02T20:34:00.000-08:00

Every quarter in every division of our department they ask employees and supervisors to recommend a person as employee of the quarter based on the employee accomplishments and performance. The people that recommend an employee should write their reason and bring some good examples to justify their recommendation. Any way I got that award for the last quarter today! it was so unexpected to me and I was close to miss the whole thing! I was busy working on something and my co-worker told me are you coming to the award announcement in the conference room? it is always a surprise. I was debating with myself to go or not and I thought I had to go! I was not prepared for any speech and I came up with a lame one!!
The award includes Recognition letter, $200, a day off, Pin, Pen and personalized mug with my name on it!
It feels good to be recognized but I feel that I have to work even harder from now on to deserve it now!

Long Weekend

2010-02-16T19:35:00.000-08:00

-We had a nice 3 days weekend because it was President Day holiday on Monday. The weather was so nice in Southern California. About 25 C! When I saw news weather about east coast with all the snow and trouble I truly thanked god for leaving in this part of the world! We took kids to the beach yesterday but there were big waves so I did not let them play on sands, just in play grounds next to the beach.

-I have finished a very important piece of our ongoing project last week and it was successful, hopefully I can be successful for the rest of it too. I know it will be challenging like this one but at least I am more confident now. I remember how nervous I was last year about this time for this project! Time really heals things.

-My Mom brought me some good books from Iran, some of them Persian stories some are translated to Farsi. I just finished one, which is original written in French and was translated to Farsi. The translation for the Farsi title is The tears of the Clown. The book is half fiction have non -fiction and is a story about one French kings, his too much appetite for being with different women and things that happened in his palace between him, his palace crew and a group of rebellions of Paris towards the end of his life. The writer whom I have read books from before. He writes his stories with lots of excitement and adventures. He covers lots of different details and his books have so many characters in them! The name of the writer is Michel Zevaco. Any way there is a part in the book that a very powerful priest, uses the king to kill a very open minded writer that he did not like and he was scared of the impact that his books could have on people. He made the king to write the order to arrest the innocent writer and they executed him in the fire!! I think the story of the book is about at least 300 years ago! But When I was reading that part of the book I thought to myself god, this is what is happening today in Iran and some countries, they execute people just because they afraid that what they say or write can make their power more fragile! That is a pity that what happened more than 200 or 300 hundred years ago in for example France and made its people to protest against the dictatorship and formed a revolution is still happening now in 21st century in some counties!! Unfortunately dictators do not read history books, if they read even the fiction ones they can get some good lessons from them!!

New Goal

2010-02-04T18:08:00.000-08:00

I am in tired mode these days. When it is morning and time to get up I have hard time to get up and it is very hard for me to get ready and go to work! I know that I have to be very grateful to have job. In this economy and job market some people dream about having job like mine! I have to just keep reminding myself that it is a prosperity that I have to wake up and go to work!
I have to work on myself a lot these days. I easily get disappointed and angry, especially my older son and my husband can push me to the edge most of the time. I am trying to be more patient with them but sometimes it is just so hard to be patient! My son goes to a cycle all the time for a short while he becomes a good kid, listens to me and is good with his little brother but after few days of being good all of a sudden he becomes so difficult and does not listen to us and give us hard time for everything from doing homework to eating his meal! I think the main reason is, that he is jealous of his little brother and whenever he becomes more jealous he acts out more. Any way the only solution for me is to be more patient and do not get angry with him. I have decided to just go for a walk whenever he or his dad make me upset or just go to another room and wait until I feel calm again.
My goal for the year of 2010 is to become more calm and patient. After all I think with all I have in my plate! My life is not that simple and I should change the title of my blog from my Simple life to something else!!

New Year so Far!!

2010-01-21T19:01:00.000-08:00

-This is the first time that I am blogging in this New Year. It has been very busy last couple of weeks for me. We had nice a New Year’s eve, We spent time with friends and enjoyed it a lot but as soon as the regular work days started I got really sick right at the night that my Mom came back from Iran. Poor my Mom did not get chance to rest a little. She stayed at my house to help, this was one of the nastiest sicknesses that I have ever had. After I got better my younger son got sick, although I tried to be very careful to not passing the germs!! Any way it was not a great start for New Year but we have the whole year in front of us hopefully things will be fine. Now I am back to normal routine again which is my usual busy life, but as long as we are all healthy I don’t complain.
It is very rainy in our town these days which is good because we had a dry year last year.
-I got really upset that Democrat candidate for Senate seat lost to the republican Candidate in Massachusset! This makes things even more difficult for President Obama, I don’t know why people don’t get, He is trying so hard to change things for better and he definitely needs people support but lobbyists who are in favor of insurance companies ,“fat bankers” and basically rich people try their best to create as more obstacle in his way as possible! Another problem is Democrat party itself, they have to be more united and act stronger! Oh well, I guess in every society no matter how democratic or civilized it is there are whole bunch of idiots that don’t read between the lines and always fall for advertisements and political lies!!
-Another tragedy of this New Year was Haiti Earth quake. It is so heart breaking to see so many people lost their lives and the ones that are alive have lost almost everything! I pray for them.

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T10:25:00.001-08:00

-I have been home with kids since last Wednesday and it has been better than I thought. We had fun together and I enjoyed spending time with them. They are the most precious things that I have in life! I took them to Lego land on Tuesday and other days we played, read together at home or went out for shopping, playing at park and etc.

- I cannot believe that 2009 is coming to an end (in some of the parts of the world already ended at this moment) it flew so fast! I wish that we will have a more peaceful world next year and also economy picks up all around the world. I truly hope that all those people that are looking for jobs can find their suitable jobs in 2010.
-My family and I have been blessed in lots of ways in last year. Thank god we all have been healthy and we both of have had our jobs. I was moved to my new team last year in January and i was not happy about it in the beginning at all but now I look at it as a good opportunity and I learned so many new Technologies in 2009 which was worth learning them. One more time in my life I learned not to be too judgmental when it comes to new things and changes and look at the positive side of things more. My husband and I had out ups and downs but overall we still love each other and we love to keep our family as it is now.

-Another great thing about 2009 was US election and presidency of President Obama. I believe that he is a great man and he already has initiated so many good things not just in US but in the whole world. I have a great faith in him and I am sure that he makes thing better, just needs more time. I am a big fan of him and have high respect for him.

-I feel that I became even more liberal in year of 2009 and look at lots of things differently.

-I truly wish that Iran's situation get better for people and Iranian movement can continue until people can get their rights and freedom.

I wish you all a very happy New Year full of joy, health and happiness.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2009-12-24T16:56:00.001-08:00

-My Mother-in-law changed her plan again and did not come, so I and my husband had to take more time off and since he already had taken 2 weeks off I took more time off and my brother-in-law and his wife helped us on Tuesday! It was a disaster, she just told us on Friday night that she would not be here on Sunday! how unreliable!! any way I am home since yesterday and next week. actually this is the first time that I am alone with kids the whole week except my maternity leave time. Whenever we take vacation we take it together and we do something together with kids but this time I will experience life of house wives with two kids for 10 days!!

-I wish every one a Merry Christmas and I hope that where ever you live, you have a wonderful New Year full of happiness and prosperity.

PS: This is my house with Christmas lights decoration!

Too much work!

2009-12-17T20:25:00.000-08:00

As I wrote before my Mom Has traveled to Iran for a visit. It is almost two weeks now but it has not been that easy on us. Since she left, it got really cold and rainy, so I had to take my older son to school so dad did not take the little one out so I needed some change in my work schedule then my little one got sick (although we tried to be very careful )and had fever and cough! We took him to Doctor and he had his first Antibiotic of his life! I needed to stay home with him for two days! This week my husband has got tired of babysitting already, so as soon as I get home he starts nagging me a lot, last night I could not control myself when he said I have been taking care of your kids all day now it is your turn and it was just 10 minutes that I had got home from work! He talked like I had these kids when I married him!!!!!!!!!! So you can guess that we got to a fight!
I am tired of running around and hearing nags all the time too. I know that babysitting is hard especially for men but I go to work and I am very busy at work!
Any way my Mother-in-law is finally coming hopefully this Sunday, so I stay home with kids (schools are off from this Monday till after new year) on Monday, so she rests and little one gets used to her. I have to be at work rest of the week because we have a very expensive consultant from Scotland on the site and I have to be there! I hope that would be easy for my little one to get used to his grand ma! The week between Christmas and New Year I have taken off so it would be smoother hopefully! My mom comes back after New Year.
It is indeed hard to have young children and be a professional woman! I have to play so many roles in life! Sometimes I wish I was a cat in a rich family so I would sleep all day long!

Missing Mom

2009-12-04T22:01:00.000-08:00

My mom has traveled to Iran for a one month visit. She had to take care of some paper works and she missed my other brother and his family there a lot too. On top of all these she was tired and needed a break. Any way she has gone and I already miss her. My Mother-in-law was supposed to come and help us with kids but she called and changed her plans. She says that she has some important legal matter regarding her propertires that she should take care of. Any way I did not want my Mom to change her plans so we decided that my husband takes off for two weeks and then her mom comes and helps out for few days and I will take off from work between Christmas and New year. Hopefully it all works out.
The funny thing is that my husband should play house wife role for two weeks, may be that is a good experience for him. Now he will appreceite my mom's help a lot more!

Wish us luck!!!!!!!!

Cultural Heritage!

2009-11-18T21:15:00.001-08:00

-Days pass by so fast and I do not get chance to update my blog! I have been busy as usual with work home, kids and etc.
My project at is going well. Things at home are Ok too, sometimes challenging but I handle it fine. Thanks to the therapist and her good tips and advises!!

-I was talking to one of my best friends from Iran on Sunday, she lives in Italy but travels to Iran at least twice a year, She was telling me that how much things has changed in Iran, she was saying that if you go to Iran now you will be amazed! I have missed Iran a lot, if things go well may be I will have a trip to there soon. I miss traveling a lot but traveling with two kids is not easy at all!

-My son has a project in school that every child that has a foreign heritage like his should make an art project that on a piece of paper shows the cultural dull of his origin country! And explain a little bit about the country as well. Now I have to find a Persian symbolic dull to get some ides! When I and his dad explained about the project, he said “but I want to make an American dull! Like Teddy bear! I am born American!! Why should I make a Persian dull!!?” I and Dad were surprised and a bit upset! Why he feels that American that early!! We do not even speak English at home! Oh well, I think US is the first country in the world that no matter what cultural heritage you have you get fully absorbed in to its culture and adjust so quickly! I have a co-worker that he is born and raised in Germany but both of his parents are Iranian and he considers himself fully Iranian, he has not even been to Iran yet and he speaks Farsi as good as me. He says all of his friends with Iranian background born in Germany are like him. He explains that the reason is that you don’t feel part of German culture and society even if you are born there so you prefer to attach to your origin culture but here in US, Kids easily adjust themselves to the culture and society and become part of it. It is good and sometimes sad! I don’t want him to forget where he is coming from though, May be this is a childish reaction and he will change in future!!!!! I have to take him to Iran definitely! I understand that he is born and raised here but it is good to absorb the good thing of both culture and be proud of it!

Taking care of myself

2009-10-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have not blogged for a while. I miss my blog! I have been extremely busy at work and at home but I am doing fine.
I have been going to the therapist every week and it has been so helpful for me. I talk about every thing to her even the things that I have never shared with any one. You know that we all have some emotions, experiences and things that we don't like to talk about but I have been very open with her and talked about any thing that has bothered me in life. Childhood related, teenager time related, etc. She is very good and analyzes every thing very deeply and gives very good tips and guidance. This was the first time that I went to a therapist for myself and I think every one no matter how happy or successful in life should go to therapy every now and then and it is definitely helpful. In today's world with all its complications and stress we all need some ear to listen to us, someone not related to us and who is a professional listener!!

Another good thing that I am recently doing for myself is going to Yoga once a week which is the best thing that I am doing for myself recently. I highly recommend Yoga to every one. It is absolutely beneficial for your body and soul!

Any way I am taking care of myself more these days, Something that kind of had forgotten since I became a mom, but all of a sudden I realized for being a good mom I have to take care of myself!

Happy Halloween, Every one !! I am going to dress up tommorow night! what about you?

Happy

2009-10-07T20:08:00.001-07:00

-Today was one of the happiest days of my Professional life! I have been working on a very complicated and critical piece of the project that I talked about here before (the one that I was not very fond of before). I had to develope a solution that would work with three different products and technologies and there were some incompatibility between them in regards of their versions and supporting each other (I know I am talking too technical here). I was very frustrated and at the same time very motivated to find the solution. I told myself that I won’t give up. I have to make this work all by myself. Any way after few days of researching and experimenting I could make it work today. When I told my boss the news he was so trilled! We had a conference call with one of the product teams about new upgrade and when my boss told them what I did, the lead developer of their team said:”just one of our customers had to deal with such a complicated process like yours , our engineering team developed a custom application for them to resolve the issue. Can you send us your application so we have it for our record!!!”. I was so happy to hear that, and I could see the happiness in my bosses face, he was so proud!
I have to confess that when I was moved to my current team to work on this project I was very upset and did not like this change. My blog readers most probably remember that I used to nag a lot about this change but now I think that was the right move for me and I am learning a lot. I liked my pervious team a lot but my work had become too routine and it was not challenging enough for me. My lesson in life from all this, is most of the times change is good although it appears tough in the beginning!

-I see the therapist once a week now and she has given me good advices and tips. I have to work on them but I already see some progress. I think it was a good idea to talk to a therapist. One thing that she said to me yesterday about the guilt feeling that I always have because I work and am not with my kids full time was “you have to make a decision in life based on facts and be comfortable with your decision you cannot change your mind back and forth and feel guilty when you made a decision”. That was another good lesson, I think I am too hard on myself; I try my best at work and at home but I always look back and think maybe I did not make the right choice and that pressures me. If I decided to be a working mom I have to remember of positive side of that choice and be comfortable with it. I think this applies to lots of our decisions in life. Some good characteristic that I see in lots of western people especially Americans is they don’t give themselves guilt trip like us (eastern people) all the time. Even if they make not a very good choice, they say” I did whatever worked for me at that moment of my life and I am in peace with it! “I have to learn to be more that way myself and be more in peace with my choices in life. Bottom line is nothing is perfect and neither am I. I just to have to try my best!

Better

2009-09-27T10:37:00.001-07:00

-I went to Psychologist and I think it was definitely good for me. I talked about everything that has bothered me, even things related to my childhood and she let me talk as much as I wanted. I told her things that I had never told anyone and I feel a lot lighter now. I will go next week too and may be after couple of sessions I will take my husband as well.

-Ahmadinejad came to UN this week and I could not believe how rude and confident he is. How could he come and lecture the world about, justice, human rights, etc when he is president based on a big cheat? And he has killed so many innocent people. So many young people got arrested, tortured and raped because they could not accept him as president and they wanted justice! I am so happy that lots of UN members including Lebanon that this regime gave them so much money left the meeting. A big high five to all the Iranians who went to New York and showed the whole world how Iranian people are separated from Iranian government. Be honest with you I was worried that President Obama would stay for his speech or would have any kind of contact with him even a smile or saying Hi ( like what happened with Hugo Chavez), although I knew that he is smarter than that but still was worried. Thank god except few African counties and few other countries who get big donations from Iran no body stayed for his speech. Or maybe they felt so bad for him and stayed out of mercy!!

Tough time again!

2009-09-23T21:01:00.001-07:00

It’s been a year or so that every now and then I get very sensitive, negative and disappointed in life. Whoever has been reading my blog frequently can notice that. The whole summer I was Ok but since two weeks ago I am on and off down and depressed. I had some big arguments with my husband recently and my older son as usual is a big source of stress for both of us. Thank god, he is doing fine so far in school but at home he is very challenging. He challenges us for everything from doing home work to brushing his teeth. Sometimes I think to myself that I always was a very good child to my parents why should I get such a challenging kid? Any way the negative feelings push me on and off these days and sometimes I do not fight it and just give in! May be I am in mid life crisis mode! But it is kind of too early for that! I guess.
My husband became so unbearable last week by the comments that he gave me left and right. He expects to go to sport every day, watch TV since he gets home and I take care of kids, house work, etc all by myself. If he helps, he will nag that he is doing everything and he blames me for not letting him go to gym, soccer or volleyball every day. He goes to gym, Soccer and volleyball games, two to three times a week but he wants to go every day!
Saturday he started by nagging again and I exploded really badly. It was a long time that I had not become this angry. I could not stop yelling! I felt that I had enough of him, I left home and drove around for one hour, he called me at least 10 times but I did not answer. I did not want to go back home again, but it was around lunch time and I could not leave kids without lunch. So I went back home, he tried to apologize and said: “I was just kidding you”. Can you believe it? Someone nags you all the time for not letting him be free and pushes you to the edge and then say I was just kidding. Any way we had another argument again and I even said: “enough is enough, I have to get separated from you, so you can go sleep at gym and exercise every day and have the all fun that you miss now. The biggest mistake that I made was fighting in front of kids, I know how bad it is, but I could not control my anger any more. Any way I tried to calm down and he is trying to be all nice again but I am still mad. Last night he asked me if I still love him, I did not have any answer to that. I am so confused these days. How much do I really love him? I know that I am used to him and I still care for him but I feel so un- appreciated. I work 8 hours a day. I have two young kids to take care of. I have my Mom who is a great help for me but I have to take of her needs as well and then I have a husband that blames me and thinks that I am pressuring him and he is not free enough. Who is really pressured in this life? Me or him? I don’t even have one hour for myself. I exercise in my lunch breaks at work, at most twice a week. I f I want to do for example my nails I have to do it in my lunch break too because I want to spend all my “free” time with my kids and family!
Any way the only solution that I could come up with is going to an Iranian female psychologist, maybe she can understand me and help me out. If that works I will take my husband too. I think we both need counseling! I am going tomorrow. Wish me luck!!!

9-11

2009-09-12T21:18:00.001-07:00

Eight years ago when I was driving to my work, right at 6:40 am I opened the Persian radio in the car and heard about 9-11 attack. I could not believe my ear. That day was one year anniversary of my job at the company that I was working for. It was company’s tradition to call all the employees to that big back yard and announce work service anniversaries. Our company was not doing very well financially, although it was a big corporation and we all knew that they were struggling but nobody would think that there would be layoffs. Any way as soon as I got to work, we all were called to gather in the back yard. We thought that they wanted to talk about 9-11 attack but the president of company announced that there would be %10 employee lay off on that day. I was one of the people that got laid off because was with company not so long. I remember that I was very upset, one minute I would think about 9-11 attack and another minute would think of my lay off. I was shocked and very disappointed. The layoff was a good thing for me because I ended up getting a better job, but 9-11 was not a good thing for the whole world and we are all still suffering from that event. That changed the history and lots of other things. There are lots of theories behind that event and people analyze that evil event in different ways.
It is so sad that we human beings make the world worse and worse every day. We are destroying ourselves, our earth and future generations as well. What can really change us? May be more equality in the quality of our lives, more education and being less greedy can help a lot!!

Snake and Life

2009-09-04T17:24:00.000-07:00

-I got really shocked when my Mom told me over the phone that she saw a snake in our back yard. We have been living in this house about six years now and I never saw one! I have a big phobia over snake. I am very scared by it and I have never seen one, just in TV!! I am stressed out and every time that I go to the garden I am scared to death and look around very carefully. The bad thing is that we have a slope right in front us in our back yard and behind it is open space. I think that is how the snake has gotten in. When I told about it to my co-workers they all said having snakes in garden is very common in San Diego!!! I even thought about selling our house!! My husband has talked to our gardener and he is supposed to come and setup snake proof fences in the back yard and cover all holes. God, even thinking about it makes me shiver!! This is like a nightmare!!
-I see that recently most of my blog readers or at least commenters don’t update their blog often. I have been lazy myself too. Why everyone has become less motivated for blogging?
-If you could rewrite your life’s events how much would you change? What would you fix? I am sure that everyone has thought about it before. I think the person who wouldn’t change anything at all is the real happy person! How many percentages of people in the world are really happy and love to live? Recently I notice that there are lots of people even around me, that they live just because they have to and the strong instinct of surviving keep them alive but deep inside they are not happy and they are not motivated. I hope none of you that read this post have such a feeling. I myself to be honest with you sometimes am happy sometimes not, and I think most of people are like me. May be I am considered as moody or manic depressed!! Any way recently, I don’t like the fact that we have to do lots of things just because we have to do it but deep inside we don’t want to do it. For example, I have to work on a project that I really don’t want to work on, or I have to compromise with my husband all the time and sometimes I really don’t want to. Sometimes I just like to relax all day along but I can never do that and may more… I don’t even remember the last time that I did everything that I felt like to in one day. At least since I have kids I have never been able to do whatever I want in one single day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer

2009-08-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

-Summer is coming to end soon. We had a nice summer except the fact that Iran news made me very sad and still every day I check the blogs and web sites to get updated news about Iran. Some of these news are so sad and shocking like raping the arrested girls and boys in jails and torturing them so violently. Even the worst regimes in the world avoid these kinds of torturers in today world but it seems that these criminals do not have any shame what so ever. I just pray for people and especially all the young people that are suffering so much.

-These days Health care reform bill in U.S. is big subject and unfortunately republicans are spending so much money for their negative advertisements. I cannot believe that some idiot people fall for these craps and are so furious at President Obama over this bill. Don't they see the benefit of this reform? He is offering every one health care and they say his taking away our freedom and forcing socialism to our society that is a big B.S. indeed!!! U.S. is the only industrialized country in the world that does not have universal health care and there are 45 million people in U.S that currently do not have health care!! I hope this bill passes; it is good for every one.
The reason that republicans disagree with it so much is not because of its cost or the quality of health care but because they don't want president Obama to win on this! Politic is a dirty thing and unfortunately there are lots of idiots everywhere in the world that get fooled by it easily!!

Summer post!

2009-07-30T20:41:00.000-07:00

Although it is not a long while that I took vacation. I feel tired again. I have been in training all week this week. The trainer is from Scotland and has a very heavy accent. The good thing about living in U.S. is that you get used to every one's accent after a while but this guy sure has a heavy accent. Any way I am very busy at work and I feel like I have been bombarded by new Technologies and information in last couple of months. Learning new things is always good but some times newer technologies are not necessarily better technologies and they can be buggy, troublesome,etc.
Any way I try to hang in there and I pray to win the lotto more than ever!!

-I follow on Iran news every day and hope to hear that people are still trying to push this "government"!! When I see they have plans for new demonstrations, I become happy. I truly hope that they get a result out of all this. Some news about the arrested people is so scary and sad. I am truly sorry for any one who gets arrested by these devils!!

-Here in U.S. President Obama is pushing for health care reform and I completely support him. I hope it happens that would be a great reform for sure.

I hope every one is enjoying summer. I enjoy the weekends by going to the beach or pool with my kids. I hope you do too.

Vacation

2009-07-16T17:15:00.001-07:00

-We took off from work for 10 days to spend time with kids and rest a little bit. Although you cannot really rest when you have two little boys. They wake up at 6:00 or latest 7:00 in the morning and your off day is not different from working days in regards of morning sleep!! We went to Catalina Island for two days. That is a little cute island between San Diego and LA. It was nice and peaceful. My older son liked it a lot. Rest of our time off we went to the beach, parks and etc. I really needed this break and was not really ready to come back to work!!
-I watched the movie Hang Over last weekend and it was hilarious, if you need a good laugh, go watch it!
-I follow up on Iran news every day hoping that a miracle happens and people get rid of this regime but it will take time and it is not easy at all. Deep in my heart I feel that this regime has come to the end of its era but on the other side I see that they still have lots of power and don’t care to kill as much as they can! God saves Iranians and Iran. I pray for them from bottom of my heart.

Brave people

2009-06-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

-What has been going on in last couple of weeks has been so important to all Iranians all over the world, no matter what political beliefs they have. I have been worried, concerned and at times excited myself. Basically I just watched CNN and some Persian satellite channels to get new about Iran and surfed Internet mainly for getting news about Iran. It seems that things have gotten slower but it does not mean that the movement is failed or ended. I think this brave movement of people in Iran is like a fire that is not going to cease that easy and that soon. I truly hope that people get a positive result out of all this and the blood of those innocent people that got violently killed does not get wasted.
I truly admire those brave young people in street or on top of their roofs speak up and ask for their rights! I never had that guts myself and I know lots of people around me that have never been this brave in their life. I hope this new young generation can really change things.
CNN has been covering Iran news very well but since last night the news is focused on Michael Jackson sudden death and people are redirected easily to another subject. Something about American people or may be most of the people in the world is that they have a short attention span and as soon as something new comes up every one just changes gears! Any way I hope that the whole world still pay attention to Iran news and what government is doing to innocent people!!
I have to say that I admire Mousavi for not backing off and still be persistent against all the pressures!

-I got sad when I heard about Michael Jackson death. He was a very talented artist and he did not have a very happy life especially last few years. They say that he had issues with his own identity and his look, he was a depressed person and used to take lots of prescription drugs which is very sad. When I heard news of sudden death of people especially young people I just think to myself that nothing is really worth any stress or worry, we all go sooner or later and what are these all the fuss about?
I have very happy memories of Micheal Jackson songs, when he became very famous I was 10 or 11 years old and almost everyone in Iran knew him, even people in far villages! I and my friends would try really hard to copy his dance moves and would watch his videos that were illegal in Iran over and over again! God bless his soul.
God bless the soul of all innocent Iranians (like Neda) that got killed for freedom in last couple of weeks too!
I wish there was no dictator in the world! What a wish?? But I am sure some day world would be free of dictators, they cannot last forever. People of the world are getting closer every day and they have examples to look up to and compare too. They just need to have a click on Internet to see if they are free enough or if they have enough rights!!!!

Election

2009-06-13T14:33:00.000-07:00

I am vey surprised and updet like lots of other Iranians in the whole world because of the election result. I feel so sorry for people and especially young ones who were so hopeful that they could make a change by their votes! poor things they thought they could do what young people and liberals did in US just few months a go! Change!

Debate!

2009-06-05T17:29:00.000-07:00

The Project that I am working on is in a better shape these days. I have to confess that we are making progress and now that I have learned the new technologies more I am more comfortable doing it. The Microsoft consultants are a lot more helpful than the beginning and I and my partner have got lots of good feedback from them. They say that we have been learning fast and we are right on top of our timelines. Any way although there are still lots of challenges ahead of us and we have to meet the deadline of July 1st for our big demo, but I feel less stressed!

-My older son turned six on Wednesday and we went to Disneyland last weekend Friday and Saturday to celebrate his Birthday. I enjoyed Disneyland a lot as usual! We took my Mom and the little one too and it was not bad at all with the little one. He is very good kid and he enjoyed few rides with us without getting scared!! It was my Mom’s first visit to Disneyland and she liked it a lot too!

-I and my husband watched the presidential debate between Ahmadinejad and Mosavi last night. It was interesting and crazy. Ahmadinejad is unbelievable. I don’t know how he could be a president of Iran (which is not a small unimportant country) for 4 years. How people can put up with all his B.S. He just goes on and on and the way he talks is like a very average uneducated, unpolitical person talks about different subjects!! Since Presidential debates were pretty recent in US and I followed up all of them I could not stop comparing the one that I saw here with what I was seeing last night. Comparison between Ahmadinejad and president Obama is like comparing a 10 year old goofy kid to a 47 years old Harvard law professor!! I truly hope that he does not get re-elected for the sake of the Iranians especially the ones that live in Iran. Mousavi seems a smart guy although he is not the best in talking and reasoning which is very important for a president but still way better than Ahmadinejad!

Busy Busy but alive!!

2009-05-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

-I have been too busy to update my blog recently! My work is crazy these days. I hate every thing about the project that I am working on. The whole planing is wrong and the Microsoft consultants are not really the best. Not much guidance from them and every thing is new and we have to learn so much in such a short period of time and the project leader is not really experienced enough for the scope of this project. I can tell that this is the worst project that I have ever been involved with and I wish I could just get a way from it but no luck! I am deeply stuck with it!

-My Birthday party went well, we had about 65 guests and every one seemed to enjoy the party but was too much work for me and my Mom. My perfectionist side made me really tired because I just wanted to make sure that every thing was very nice and every one was having a good time, I was the one actually needed to have the good time but oh, well, I tried to be a good host and if you want to be a real good host you never really enjoy your own party!!

-We just came back from the movie theater, we watched Angeles and Demons, it was a good movie but Tom hanks was too smart and Americans as usual were the heroes and saviours!!!!!
It was an interesting story about catholic church and the corruption that is going on with it, some how was the continuation of Da Vinci Code! I have to confess that day by day I believe less in religions but my belief in god is as strong as ever! may god save us all from the "religious" men on earth!!!!!!

Crazy bithday!

2009-05-07T21:03:00.001-07:00

-Yesterday was my Birthday and was the craziest Birthday ever! I was in the meeting whole day and I could not answer my phone! I had so many calls from my friends and family and lots of nice emails!
We did not do any thing special but we are having to have a big party over the weekend, we will have over 60 guests! Hopefully every thing goes well!! This was my husband's idea to throw a big party for my Birthday. We have not told the guests what is the occasion, some of the close friends know but not every one!

-My son is very happy that does not go to after school, he comes home with grand ma and does what ever he wants until I get home. I guess it is not a bad deal for him.

I cannot believe that I am getthing this old! 36 wow, when I was 18 I would consider a 36 years old woman a very grown up person! am I very grown up now??

Busy as usuall

2009-04-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

-Last couple weeks were not that easy with my son, we gave in finally and he does not go to the after school any more. Right after her school my Mom picks him up and he comes home. We saw that he was really stressed over going to after school (He would spend about 3 hours there, mostly doing fun things!). There were two boys bullying him and although those boys will not go to the after school program since tomorrow, he still does not want to go. SO we are giving him a break. I think it is more than just being bullied by other students, that is why that I have found a good psychologist to work with him for few sessions so I make sure that this is just a phase. I don't want him to hold any thing inside and then sufferes from that for a long time! Hopefully he will pass this stage and get back on to the track. He is fine now for going to school but he asks us several time every morning if we will pick him up right after the class ends!
Any way I was very stressed about all this myself too.

-I am better now. but extremely busy. I have to learn lots of new things at work and I have been making lots of progress. My boss is pretty impressed but there is a long way to go. I cannot believe that Microsoft has produced so many new technologies for programming and they are so different than what we have been doing so far!

-My little boy is the source of joy for me and he is the only person that makes me release some stress and bring the real smile to my face! He is so cute and very smart! He already understands every thing that I tell him. For example when I ask him where is your book? he goes and finds the book and brings it to me!! I love him so dearly. I love them both very much and equally but the baby is less trouble at least for now!

-I watched the movie State of play over the weekend and I liked it a lot. I really like Russel Crow and he was great as usual. The story was very interesting too.

-Last but not least I wish I would win the lottery and would buy a winery in south France and would enjoy my days by lying down under sun, reading books and travel!!!!!!! is it too much to ask for???

Tough day!

2009-04-14T21:15:00.001-07:00

-I am having hard days these days. My son has become very difficult again. Every couple months or sometimes weeks he should put me through hell! Last week was spring break and right before that he started complaining in school that he was sick and he wanted to go home so on the Thursday and Friday before spring break we ended up picking him up in the morning. He was not sick, he just wanted to come home and this is first time we had such an issue with him. I had signed him up for 3 days to a day camp so he could have fun and learn new things in spring break week. He went first day and refused to go for the next two days and I did not want to push him. He stayed home with my Mom and his little brother. Yesterday Morning he started crying very hard and begged us not to go to school just for yesterday. I knew if he would go to school they would call us later to come and pick him up again so we kept him home again but he promised that he would go today. I took him to school myself (usually his dad takes him in the Morning and I pick him up in the afternoon) and he was crying again. I talked to the teacher and she said since he got in to trouble because he did something bad and they were strict with him may be that is why he does not want to go to school. I tried to talk to him and find out what really bothers him but he just does not say it. I talked to the therapist and she said kids go through separation anxiety between 4 to 6 years old and that can be normal. He has been going to preschool since he was 2 years old and we never had this issue with him before. He never refused to go to school. Any way there is lots of pressure on me. He is my number one first source of stress. I thank god that he is healthy and smart but he is such a difficult child. I am worried that he gets worse when he grows older. I have been trying to follow psychological advises and I always read books and articles about kids and how to raise them but it seems that we have done mistakes in our parenting and we have a difficult child. I have to be always worried when I see an email from his teacher. As soon as I see it in my inbox, I tell to myself now what again?
I wish we could have control over our kids’ brain! I wish I could program him like the softwares that I program every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-I met with the Therapist that I talked about it before. She was telling me that I should make some time for myself she believed that I put everyone a head of me in life. She said that I need to have some personal fun, some time alone just for myself; otherwise I won’t be able to function in near future! She said “you have too much on your plate!!” I am trying to do something for myself but not got a chance since last week that I saw her. I have to d something this week, something for me! Before I go to her for my next appointment!

Busy!

2009-04-02T19:04:00.001-07:00

-I am very busy and overwhelmed these days. There are always whole bunch of things in my list that I want to do on a day off or weekend and I just cannot do all of them. I finally have decided that I need to see a therapist. I need some professional stranger to listen to me! I don’t know why but although I try to play cool and be relaxed I am not really relaxed. Hectic job, two kids, etc just don’t let me be relaxed. I have to play so many roles at the same time, be a professional woman, mother of two boys, wife to a not very easy husband, daughter to a mother (that although helps me a lot but I have to take care of her personal stuff, like Dr appointments, insurance renewal, bank stuff, etc) and sister to a broke divorced brother who needs help and support too!! I have lost 9 pounds (almost 4 kg ) in 5 months without trying to lose any weight! This is not bad but shows that I am under stress! Hopefully an extra ear like a therapist can help me to go through this stage; I know this too shall pass!
-If you like to watch a good movie I recommend the Reader! It was kind of sad but it was a good movie.
-I hope everyone has started a very good Persian New Year!
Obama’s Message for Iranians for New Year was impressive although some people believe Iranian government does not deserve it and he should have not done that but I admire him for his good intensions.

Just a new post!

2009-03-14T14:36:00.001-07:00

-I have been very busy lately at work and at home. I have started learning new technologies that we are going to use for the new project. It is a challenging process. One of the issues with being an IT specialist, especially a programmer is that we always need to learn new stuff and it seems that it never ends. More complicated products come to the market and you have to learn otherwise there is no growth in career. Any way although it is challenging but deep in my heart I like the challenge. Sometimes I wish I was a musician or I had a winery in south France and had an easy life!!
-My son had some issues at school last week and it stressed me out as usual, I really have to learn to be more laid back, I try but sometimes I just forget it and over stress myself. After all life is too short to be stressed all the time. I have to be healthy and alive for my kid, they will need me at least up to 18 years old!! My younger son has recently started walking; he is so cute and walks like a penguin!
-We watched Slum dog millionaire 2 weekends ago. It is such a good movie. The scenario is brilliant and I really liked it. If you get a chance watch it.
-Nowruz (Persian New Year) is coming and this year I have started to do the deep cleaning (khaneh takani), I asked the house keeper to come one extra day this week so we clean inside all cabinets and closets as well as other places (this a tradition in Iran to do the deep cleaning before the New Year).
I wish everyone a happy New Year and I hope that the economic crises will end or at least get better by the next spring!

New Project

2009-02-27T02:54:00.001-08:00

I have started working on new big project that I mentioned before. Our division has brought a team of consultants from Microsoft to build and set up the new environment and train us to build and develop the project. The scope of this project is very vast. I have never worked on a project as big as this before. I am kind of nervous. For example today we had our first meeting with Microsoft team, they were using some terminologies that did not sound familiar (some of those abbreviations) for me in the beginning, but when I came back to my desk and researched them I realized the things that they were talking about we are actually doing or using them but when they use those terms sometime is hard to understand what they exactly mean by the term at the moment. I think I have to work on my technical vocabulary!! I am a hand on person who does the actual work not really the meeting person who knows all the buzz words. That’s why I was bit of nervous in the meeting; I did not want to look dumb! I know when it gets to the point that we do the actual work I will do better but now that we are gathering and transferring information I am nervous and I don’t want to make mistake. This is a big job and I hope it goes well. Our work reputation will depend on the outcome of this project and that is scary. Another thing is that we are not a big team but the job is big!! So I hope we can deliver what we are expected to in a timely manner. Any way the whole new team, new project is overwhelming for me! I will learn lots of new stuff and it is a good opportunity but I know that it will be hectic too. Is it really better to be low key and do easy stuff and be relaxed or be under spot light and do big things and get credit?! If we get credit!!
Wish me luck!!!!!!

Bad Economy

2009-02-14T07:48:00.001-08:00

-Economy is so bad here in US. Lots of people have lost jobs, home and etc.
My brother’s business is very bad and as I wrote here before he is going through his second divorce, he stopped paying his house mortgages due to the bad financial situation and he lost his house to the bank. He used to be well of f and had a very nice life. I cannot believe that this is happening to him. Part of it is his own mistakes and his wrong marriage with that Russian woman and part of it is the bad economy. I offered him to stay with us in our guest studio for a while until his business gets better. It’s more than a month that he lives in our studio which in the back yard and is private. I am glad that I could help him a little bit! I hope everything gets better. Everyone is in panic mode these days even people like us that still have jobs!
I cannot believe that with all this mess, no republican in the congress voted yes to the stimulus package! They are the ones that created this big mess and now they are doing everything to stop Obama from cleaning their mess!!!! Idiots!!!!!!!!

-I wish everyone a very happy Valentines day. I truly hope that we see better days in the whole world

Mixed Feelings

2009-02-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

It’s been a while that I am on and off unhappy or may be depressed. I try to fight with the negative feelings and focus on what I have and the good things that I should be thankful for. But sometimes I just let the negativity to stay in my mind and I don’t resist it!
I heard if we make a journal and list everything that we are thankful for in the journal every day that helps us stay positive. I have a quite long list of all the good things that I have in my life but the feeling of being trapped just comes to me every now and then. I feel that I am trapped in my marriage and because that I have two kids that I love them to death I have to get along with this trap! I know in every marriage there are things that bother both sides but sometimes things that bother me bother me too much!
May be I need to talk to a psychologist but I know how I exactly feel and what makes me sad or happy so I am not sure that psychologist can really help me. They are usually good for people that don’t know what exactly bothers them and how they can overcome the issue. The problem with our marriage is that both of us have a short temper and easily get mad. Usually the things that we fight for are not really big deal but our impatience makes things a big deal. I think I should have got married with a calmer person, who could make me calmer too. I think I should have married a guy that could provide the comfort level that we have right now without my help so I could stay with my kids and be a full time Mom. These are actually the biggest things that bother me the most. I like my career and I like to be a professional woman but the guilt feeling of not being able to be with my kids full time is bothering me and is hurtful. This guilt feeling does not go away and every now and then shows itself more.
When I was just 21 years old a very nice guy who was very well educated nice and calm gentleman liked me a lot but he was not quite “my type” and I refused to be his girl friend and we stayed just friends. He was the type of person that everyone would like to be friend with, very social very knowlegeable and may be one of the calmest person that I have ever met. He is a very successful Doctor now and has his own faily. I a have lost touch with him for a long time but we have still some common friends. Any how whenever I am upset with my marriage I remember him and I think maybe I should have given him a chance, may be if I had stayed with him and got married with him(he was looking for long term relationship and was in to marriage) I had a happier life now! I know these thoughts are ridiculous and we could be girl friend, boy friend and would not get married or maybe I would marry him but I would not be happy but I know we all have thoughts like this, we think if I had picked the other guy or other girl how my life would be now! And this is absolutely wrong because going to the past and imagining unreal things just pushes us more away from the present and that is not what I learned from The New earth ( my favorite book) but why although I know the right thing and I know my answers I still think this way sometimes! Is this some type of masochism????
I just wrote the naked truth about my feelings and thoughts today. I know that I will get better soon and become more realistic. I just wanted to write about things and get them out of my chest to feel better. After all my blog is my best psychologist! and my virtual friends are honest and underestanding!

Obama became president!

2009-01-20T19:57:00.000-08:00

-Obama became the president of United States officially today. I was at work so I could not watch the inauguration ceremony live but I recorded the whole ceremony and watched it partly on Internet. He has such a tough job a head of him, the toughest job ever may be but I truly wish him luck. His success will impact the whole world for sure.
Destiny is an amazing thing, when he was born from a black African father and white mother in Hawaii, no one would imagine that he will be the president of US someday! As Napoleon said: Some people are born to make history” that is indeed true. I think Obama is one of them!
His speech was excellent and his humbleness is really respectful.

-There have been lots of changes for me at work recently since last week. I mentioned here that I finished first phase of an important project which was originally started by another co-worker of my team but since the lead team who started this project were not happy with some bugs and interface they asked me to change, enhance and finally finish it. I was not comfortable doing that from the beginning because I don’t like to take over somebody else’s job while he is here and can do it. Morally I think it is not right but my boss said since this project has been ordered by our CIO and now he wants you to work on it just do whatever they ask you. I successfully finished it in a very short time and they were so happy. I already had been assigned to the big new project for the same team but I was supposed to stay in my team and just help them out for new project but when they saw my work, they asked CIO to move me from my team to their team!! Which I was not really happy about, I like my first team and especially my boss who is Iranian too but I could not argue about that because that is the CIO’s decision and in this job market and economy it is not very wise to argue and complain that much. Any way from last Friday I belong to another team and they have made me the lead developer of the new huge project which will start next week. It is a good opportunity for me but at the same time scary because it is too much responsibility. Sometimes it is good to work just behind the scene and not under the spotlights! They have got a big budget for this project and in this economy we are responsible to have a very useful product otherwise the whole money is wasted and it is not good for our division at all. It will be lots of pressure on me! I thought about this a lot and I think I have to try my best and use this opportunity to grow in my career. It will be a tough work but not tougher than Obama’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wish me luck!

New Year and new resolution!

2009-01-05T19:11:00.000-08:00

-First of all, I wish everyone a very great New Year. It seems that the whole world needs more peace and prosperity this year more than any other year!
-I am very sad about what is happening in Gaza these days. I wish there would be no war what so ever in the world!
-We had an OK New Year’s eve, we went to a family Friend’s party, I barely knew anybody, just knew the host and one of our common friends.
-I watched a very good movie that I highly recommend it, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons”. It was such an interesting deep movie, it sure deserves several Oscars.
-My biggest resolution for this year is to be more patient with my older son (he sometimes drives me crazy!!) and try to help him to behave better. He is a good and smart kid but his listening is bad and sometimes he acts out too much. I have been trying every psychological techniques with him sometimes work, sometimes not But I think we ( I and my husband) both need to be calm and at the same time firm with him, saying it is easy but in action it is not that easy!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2008-12-24T12:31:00.000-08:00

-Tomorrow is Christmas and majority of people are celebrating it here in US. For some reason I feel it more than every year and I pray for all the families to be able to provide at least minimum joy for their kids. I tried to help a little bit more than previous years. I was thinking to donate some money or food to the food bank the other day (that is an organization that provides food to poor people and I heard in news that they have provided several times more food to poor people this year than every other year) but got caught up in other things and postponed to later but yesterday I got an email from Micelle Obama ( I am in the email list of Democratic party and also Obama Campaign. Most probably these emails are not written directly by President or First lady, their team sends them out for them) that was asking to donate to food bank and had written the link to donations in the email too. I thought now that First lady asked me to donate, I have to donate. It is so interesting that they are in touch with people like that. I don’t think other presidents, First ladies or their teams would send emails to their supports! This is another amazing thing about Obama. Right before the election speech I had an email from Obama, Thanking me to be his supporter! I know that he sent a generic email to all the supporters that was signed up to his campaign but that is a great idea to send emails like that under his name. I receive emails from his team almost every week with new updates about his plan and Cabinet. I think he is really different from other presidents that US has had so far!

-I finished the first phase of my important project yesterday and it was demonstrated to our CIO (Chief Information Officer). He loved it. He stopped at my desk and gave me a box of candy and thanked me for he good job! I was speechless! I did not expect him to bring me candy and thanking me in person! I hope other phases go well and I stay in his good list!

-The highlights of 2008 for me are as follows:
1-Having my beautiful baby
2-Obama got elected
3-Still having job!
4-Feel more grown up and mature! I have learned to forgive more and let go more!

Merry Christmas and I wish every one a wonderful new year full of helth, peace and prosperity.

Christmas Lights

2008-12-18T20:50:00.000-08:00

-It is Christmas time again. This year we decided to decorate outside of the house with lights and bought a big Plastic Santa with Christmas three to put it on the lawn. My husband went crazy with lights and we have so much lights flashing at night. The funny thing is none of us are Christians but we sure like Christmas a lot and we wanted our son to enjoy it. He loves it and every night he goes outside and watches the lights for few minutes. I have to put a picture of the house with lights at night here! His little brother is growing fast too. He stands up, crawls and I think he will walk pretty soon. He is just sooo Cute!
-I am assigned to a very big important project. A little bit scary though! It makes me very busy these days but if we can accomplish it we will be the first Law enforcement agency in the country that has done such a thing. I hope it will be a success!
I wish whoever that celebrates Christmas a very happy and nice Christmas time!

Bad economy

2008-12-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

Economy in US is very bad. I know that it is bad almost everywhere in the world these days, but people say that it has never been this bad since depression time (1930’s) in US. Just in November 533,000 people lost their jobs. Social benefits for unemployed are minimum here and most of people lose their health insurance as soon as they lose their jobs. The self employed people who have their own business are doing really bad too. My brother has his own business and it is very bad for him too. He is going through another divorce as well. When he was marring this woman every one told him that she just wants to get green card and use him but he did not listen and now his wife left him after using him the most. I know that is his fault and he acted so irresponsible and has spent too much money for her but how some people are that ruthless, they come and use someone and right at the time that they see there is no money left they leave too. She was Russian and Russian women have no good reputation here just my brother was too naive! I don’t want to say all Russian women are like that but we have heard lot of bad examples of them here and in Europe. Any way I feel so sorry for my brother and all the people that are losing their jobs, home etc these days. I and my husband both have government job and we are safe for now but even our jobs can be at risk if it goes by like this until next year!
On Friday afternoon when I was going back home from work, I was listening to the radio and they were interviewing people that have lost their jobs recently, I felt so sad for them. Especially in this time of year it is so hard to be unemployed and having kids who are looking forward to Christmas. For the first time in my life I wish I were god and I would eliminate poverty, sickness, war, injustice in the world and would make every one healthy and happy!

Girls out night!

2008-11-24T16:28:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday was my friends’s Birthday. The Friend that I know since we were in fifth grade in Iran, and I have written about her here. She and other friends of her wanted to celebrate the Birthday party at a club in Newport Beach area and that would be just ladies!! Since I have been very exhausted by kids, house work, Professional work, husband, Mom and etc. I decided to go and have some fun. This was my first time in my almost 9 years of marriage that I would go out at night with a group of friends without my husband. My another good friend that we know each other for a long time too and is married was coming so I was very encouraged to go. We were about 10 women and just 3 of us were married the rest were either divorced or never married and all above 35 years old. It was a fun night but I and my other married friend figured out at the end of the night that we would not want to be single!! I myself feel that I have passed that stage and I don’t want to go back to it! I think it is fun to be single when you are in your 2o’s but after certain age which can be different for everyone and it really depends on the person being single is not as much fun as lots of people think!
I am very happy that I went that night because it has been a while that I have been tired and exhausted of playing role of mother, wife, daughter a professional woman all at the same time and I have been thinking recently that it would be fun if I were single , be on my own and would go out party and enjoy my life, now with going to that Birthday celebration I could sense how lost the single friends were and how they all wanted to hook up with someone and some of them even looked desperate to me. My friend herself have just broken up with another boy friend recently, this was may be the fifth serious guy in her life after her divorce and it seems this cycle is going on in her life, meets someone gets serious, have fun in the beginning but after few months or in some cases a year there are lots of conflicts and everything ends. I myself cannot live like that for sure!!
It seems day by day people get more lost in their lives and don’t know what they are really looking for! And that is sad, that’s why there are lots of divorces, alcohol, drug usage and dysfunctional families in all societies these days. People are not real any more; they don’t know what they want and what their priorities are!!
Molavi (Rumi) says: the biggest advantage for someone is knowledge and the worst thing is not knowing!! ( Bozorgtarin Fazilat agahi va bozorgtarin moshkel jahl ast).

Obama Won!!!!

2008-11-05T18:33:00.000-08:00

Yes! Obama won!!
I was so excited and at the same time worried yesterday. Although I knew in my heart that he would win but I was scared that things would change at the end. I was following up news all the time yesterday and when CNN reporter announced that Obama is the elected president I cried like lots of Americans. He well deserves it and it proved to me that this country is indeed a unique country and everything is possible in this land of opportunity. This was a great lesson for the whole world and showed people can step over racism, prejudice etc and make the right choice. When John McCain congratulated Obama and wished him luck and said “you are my president now” I was so impressed and that showed me the dept of democracy in this country. This is so valuable. People are united and everyone is back to normal life including democrats, republicans and independents. The thing that matters now is the plans that president follows and efforts that he will make to get things done.
I got chilled several times yesterday during the news announcements and one of the chills was when they were showing Kenya and how they were celebrating. Tomorrow they have a national holiday to celebrate this victory for a man that has roots in their country!
Another shivering moment was Obama’s speech and when he pointed that the 106 years black old lady from Atlanta voted. She remembered the days that black did not even have the rights to vote and now people were voting for a black person.
Congratulations to everyone who wanted Obama to win!
Good luck to him and good luck to the whole world!!!!!!!!

Weak "I" OR Strong "I"?

2008-10-22T18:10:00.000-07:00

-I have not been in a very good mood for last couple of weeks. After big try of practicing A New Earth tips and advises I just ran out of motivation and my pain body started to be in control again. (The books say that we all have pain body, which gets created and developed from very early childhood and every negativity, pain and suffer in our life just makes it grow faster. This pain body brings negativity to our mind and controls our mind and thoughts, and then we lose the conscious and get drawn in to the past or future and just miss the present moment which is the true life. The writer says when you become aware of the pain body and understand when pain body starts its work and gets your control that is a step towards awareness!) I knew that my pain body was in control but I was not really fighting it! Some little fights here and there with my husband and some emails from my son’s teacher about his mis-behaving made me feel down and upset, I felt that I had failed in choosing the right partner of my life and I had failed in raising a very good child. Few days ago I just got over myself and decided to push a way the pain body which I know it as negativity. The thing about negativity is that when you get in to it is like trying to swim in the mud and any movement just sinks you more!! Any way although I try hard to be present and be in control of my mind but sometimes I just give in and become very weak. This weakness have been with me on and off in my whole life but I am fighting it. The issues that I try to magnify and make it big for me are not really big issues. I know my husband has some faults, who doesn’t? I have plenty faults myself too, if we have some differences that shows up every once in a while does not mean that he is not the right person for me! If my son misbehaves sometimes which is not sever and in some cultures or countries they don’t even consider talkatively for a child as a misbehavior, that does not mean that I have failed as a parent. We are all in learning process for every subject in every single day of our lives and we all make mistakes. At least I am working on my mistakes. Any way last few days I have been trying to get back to the present mode. The positive mode and push a way my weak “I”. I need my strong “I”!!!!!! I don’t know how many people see their both side of their personalities. But recently I see my both sides very clearly and try to empower the strong side rather than the weak side. Life is too short and I should not really waste it with negative thoughts!
-I and my husband watched Religulous, the new movie of Bill Maher. It is a documentary movie about religions. It is good and I recommend it.
-I already mailed my ballot for election. I accidentally and chose mail ballot option for this year and I saw they have sent my ballot in mail. I thought why not I vote by mail this time. I sent it last week and I voted for Obama. I truly wish he wins.

Election And Economy

2008-10-08T19:09:00.000-07:00

The most important subjects in US these days are economy and election. There is no secret that Bush messed up really bad, even republicans are mad at him too!
Any way the election is close and I cannot believe that there are more than 45% people who want to vote for McCain. I believe if someone has an average IQ should realize that McCain is another version of Bush. He is not going to do any better and he is too old for this position any way! I don’t want to even talk about his selected vice president which is another disaster!!!!
I have been watching all the debates so far and following all the election campaigns’ news so far, it is very obvious to me that Obama is a smarter person with better plans and he is clear about what he wants to do. I believe lots of these people who want to vote for McCain have racial issues. They don’t want to vote for Obama because he is half black and his father was a Muslim.
I have a co-worker that is personally a nice person and is very smart but he is republican and wants to vote for McCain , when I asked him what don’t you like about Obama he could not answer clearly and said I think he will push the country towards socialism and then communism!!!!! I said if he wants everyone to have a basic health care is that too bad? Do you know what is socialism is about? It is about a more comfortable and affordable life for middle class and lower class. What is bad about it?? I said do you know how many people end up becoming homeless when they lose their job because there is no support from government? Do you like your family not having health care if you lose your job?
Unfortunately at least half of American people (and majority of people in the world!!) are so shallow and just repeat what they hear from politicians of their party. They don’t think, they don’t read news of the world! Today my coworker was saying again that Iraq war was a good decision and it was good for Iraqis too!!!!! I said do you know how many Iraqis are killed in this war and how many kids are orphan because of this war? Do you think US has right to go anywhere that decides and cause all that problem?? I said Iraq is in a lot worse situation than when Sadam was there!! He said are you sure ? I said go read news from Iraq and Iraqis blog to know what is going on there!!!
I think I have to keep my mouth shut!! If someone does not want to get it, he won’t get it any way.
I wish we all (human beings) would be more thoughtful and would not think that is all about us not others!
I will vote for Obama and I pray for him to win. That would be a great lesson for all that red neck racist people too!!!!!

Upset!

2008-10-02T20:06:00.000-07:00

I am just a little bit sad these days. My son as usual is challenging me a lot. He is again in a non-listener mode! He was fine for a while but recently he is more jealous towards his little brother and at school does not listen to the teacher very well. His teacher called me and said “He is talking all the time!!”
I am trying everything that kid’s psychologists recommend like talking to him and giving him all sorts of examples so he understands that he should listen better to making Happy face chart and give him one happy face each day that he is behaving well. When he gets 10 happy faces he will have a prize! We try not to give too much attention to the little one in front of him (poor thing) but still not getting the good result yet, it seems that he goes through phases and now is the bad phase again. My problem is that I am too sensitive about my kid and his behavior and may be my sensitivity makes things worse. Some parents don’t just care that much and they say “he is just a kid! Whatever!!” I wish I could have that attitude! The thing that is he is a difficult child, very smart but difficult and dealing with him is not that easy. I think if my husband and I had married a calmer person, our kid would become calmer as well. We both have short temper; we are both not very patient and also stubborn. My advice to all the single people who read this post is, get married with someone who is calmer than yourself, unless you are very calm yourself. When two short temper, energetic people like us get married not only the conflicts are more but also it affects kids genetically and behavior wise as well.
I guess no one really knows what can be the best choice for marriage until they are already in marriage!! When it is kind of too late any way especially when you already have kids!!
Last night I was upset and sad and I said a cruel thing to my husband, I said “If I would go back to 9 years ago I would not marry you!!”. I really don’t know if I really think so or not, it is hard to say. He is good in lot of ways but can easily go on my nerve too! I guess I am same way as well. Who is perfect any way! No one really!
Sorry for too much nagging! I already feel better though. My blog is my best trapist!!!!

Persepolis

2008-09-25T19:53:00.000-07:00

I and my husband both read the book “Persepolis” and we both could relate to it a lot. Especially me, because the writer is a woman just a little bit older than me and her experiences are very close to mine. Any way Marjan Satrapi that may be most of you already know has written this book originally in French and I read the one translated to English. I read number one and two but unfortunately 3 and 4 are not translated to English yet. Although I know a little bit French but I prefer to read it in English whenever is translated so I can completely understand it.
Any way my husband rented the movie that was based on the book and it was such an interesting animated movie. The movie has won some Prizes like Kan festival Prize. Watching the movie took me back to the time that I was just 5 years old and the revolution happened in Iran and then war! It is amazing that our generation saw revolution and war just back to back and we passed through it!! Some of Marjan’s experiences were very similar to mine and I am sure that is similar to lots of Iranian young people from our generation. We stayed there we survived the revolution, war, Concur, etc but some day just thought it was no place to live anymore and we had enough. I myself came to US in 1996 but did not stay at that time and thought that I could live and work in Iran but two years later I decided that I could not bear with lack of freedom, so much discrimination towards women, etc and just moved out. Whoever has immigrated abroad knows that living your own home land is not easy at all and for lots of people is the last choice. Any way the movie made me sad and I thought why all these bad things happened to our generation? How would be our life if there were no revolution and war in our country? What would be our life like if we had a real democratic regime?
Any way I am happy that my immigration did not turn out bad and I have a decent comfortable life here. Hopefully Obama goes to the office and US situation won’t get worse!! The funny thing is even now the country that I live in has war with IRAQ!!!!! Although we just feel the economic pressure not any bomb or missile but war is bad anywhere and for any reason!!!!!

Election!

2008-09-12T21:19:00.001-07:00

The hottest subject of these days is election! Since McCain introduced Sara Palin as his Vice President, things have changed. Lots of women want to vote for him just because of her and their reasoning is that because she is a mother and she is from a small town and is anti-abortion we can relate to her!!!! That is the biggest Bull Shit!! Excuse my language!! Since when being a mom and having a Down syndrome kid and a pregnant teenager makes a woman qualified for becoming Vice President of United States!! To me she does not seem honest at all and seems that is using everything to get votes. These people do not come to their senses and just follow some stupid emotional advertisements. Unfortunately the number of shallow people is not low in this country and media can easily change people’s mind. Country is in a bad situation, economically, politically etc but people want to vote for someone who follows the same path!! I truly hope that Obama wins. Not even US need that but also the whole world needs it too!!

Different things

2008-08-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that I want to write about today. May be I should summarize them as much as possible:
-Our vacation last week was fun. We went to Disneyland last Wednesday and were in the theme park from 10:30 am to 10:30 pm. We went to at least 15 rides. My son was not scared this time at all and except Indiana Jones (which is one of the greatest but not OK for his age) he came to all the rides with us. I truly enjoyed it!! Disneyland is one of the most fun places that I have ever been too!!!!!!!!!!!
I and my husband went to Bill Maher show on Sunday night and it was absolutely fantastic. I have never seen anybody as out spoken as him in my whole life!!!!!! We laughed for good 1.5 hour and enjoyed it a lot. Here is two links of his shows on TV just watch and see what I mean:
http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=UiLdc79f_iU&NR=1

http://jp.youtube.com/watch?v=RlP09x2kxrU&feature=related

-On Monday I had an accident, a guy with a huge truck hit my car in the back and obviously was his fault. I am ok but the bumper and the back left light were smashed! My car is in auto shop and I have a rental car now!

-My ex-sister-in law whom I wrote about here before, who hurt me a lot emotionally when I moved to US and I had written about it and said that was one of the people that I would not forgive and finally I forgave her in my heart, brings her daughter who in my niece too (she is not in contact with us, because her mom does not let her to see his dad’s family) to my son’s school! Poor girl is at sixth grade but because of her bad behavior has changed schools five times already. Now she comes to same school as my son. I saw them and I said hi to my niece but they just ignored me which was not surprising at all!! Any way this is a good practice for me to see a person that has been really bad to me and my family every day but stay cool and forgiving towards her!!!!!!!!
Life is all about tests, here and there!!!!!!!

-Finally my favorite subjects these days! ELECTIONS.
I have been watching democratic convention last couple of days and it was great. Hillary and Bill Clinton were so good. This show how civilized they are and how these people can become united when it is necessary. A lesson that lots of countries in the world should learn from them. Until month ago Hillary and Obama were competent, now they are friends and united. This is amazing!! Al Gore’s speech was fantastic too, every time I see this guy I feel heartbroken that he did not become US president!!!!! I read in news this morning that McCain has selected Alaska’s governor who is a woman (44 years old ) as his Vice president! This was surprising and shows how republican are desperate to defeat Obama, they want to show we are minority supporters too!!!!! But if McCain becomes president we will have same problems as last 8 years!
I hope American people have got their lesson and vote for Obama! This will be a very exciting election for sure!!!!!!!!!!!

My Kids

2008-08-18T16:03:00.000-07:00

-Today is my older son’s last day at his preschool. He will start Kindergarten on next Monday. Here in US, Kindergarten is the grade before the first grade and is mandatory. Kids start Kindergarten at 5 years old. I remember at our time most of the kids would go just straight to first grade without any preschool or Kindergarten participation, I had gone to preschool and I remember it very well, it was a French school in Isphahan (we used to live in Isphahan for few years because of my dad’s job). Any way kids are a lot more knowledgeable these days. My son can read all the alphabets and some words already, he can write his own name, my name and his dad’s name. He can count to 100 and can read all the numbers!! He already knows about basic scientific subjects like animal’s categories, volcanoes, etc. If these kids don’t get wasted, they can reach really high levels of education! I hope that he will stay in right track! We are taking off the rest of the week to spend time with him so he has some fun before starting school. We are planning to go to Disneyland on Wednesday, just three of us and will leave the baby home with my Mom. I am as excited as my son. I love Disneyland!!!!!!!!!

-Baby is getting bigger now, he is teething and sometimes is very uneasy and frustrated, poor thing! He is so cute though, when I took him for his six months check up last week, as soon as his doctor saw him, he said” Are you the most handsome? You should become a movie star”!!

-Bill Maher (a very famous comedian that I have written about him here before) is coming to San Diego on Sunday night and I bought (pricy!!) tickets to go to his show. I am a big fan of him and am so excited to go to his show. I will write about it here.
I wish every one’s life as fun and happy as Disneyland!!!!!!!!!!!!

Four years of blogging

2008-08-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

-My mother-in-law flew back to Iran yesterday. She stayed with us six weeks besides some weekends and holidays that she stayed with us during her long visit that lasted for 10 months. I was very patient with her and I should say that she was her best this time. May be when we try to be more patient and easy going our positive attitude makes other people to be more moderate and easy going as well. When I was first married to my husband she was interfering all the time but now she is a lot better. She still gives her opinion a lot but I can bear with it more and she tries to be less intrusive. Any way this period passed and last night I was happy to have my privacy back. I think the most important thing in life is freedom and privacy then health and prosperity.
-I have downloaded the 10 web cast sessions that Oprah has with Eckhart Tolle the writer of the New earth (the book that has had a great impact on me) and I listen to it whenever I can. If you can download it, go to Oprah.com and download all the sessions. It is well worth it to listen. No preach or religious lessons have ever impacted me this much that these sessions have. I truly sink in to the whole session and try to practice the points in my mind! It is hard to remember them all the time but I am keep trying it.
I am reading another good spiritual book named “Secret” recently that I know that has been translated to Farsi as “Raaz”. I recommend that too. I think in today’s world with all these mechanical and technical influences we all need spiritual advises to stay moderate and don’t get drown all the way to materialism!!

-Last but not least, today is 4 years that I am blogging. I think this is one of the best things that I have done for myself! I am so happy to be able to talk about any thing that I want here and have some great virtual friends!!!!!

Sad news && Persepolis

2008-07-25T16:32:00.001-07:00

-The first news that I saw this Morning on MSN.com was the death of Randy Pausch! He was a computer science professor who gave an amazing speech “last lecture” to his students last year and millions of people worldwide watched it on Internet. “A dying man gave speech about how to live”.
He appeared on some TV shows like Oprah and there is a book named last speech about him as well. He was diagnosed with cancer and doctors had told him he would live up to six months before he gave this speech. He was a father of three kids. May be most of you already watched and listened to his speech and I am sure that you were amazed by that. How one person can be so smart, positive and wise at the same time and it is so sad that he had such a short life. Reading the news of his death broke my heart. I truly wish blessing and patience for his family. It must be very hard for his wife and his kids to get over such a loss! I think no man ever can replace him for his wife. If you have not watched his speech here is a link to it:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
In part of his speech he says: “We can’t change the cards but we should see how we can play it right” (may be this is not the same exact sentence but meaning is right).
-My husband was scheduled for some checkups and procedures (he is fine just wanted to do some extra checkups) that needed him to be unconscious for an hour this morning. After waking up from the sedation he could not drive so I took off from work and accompanied him to the Clinique. The first magazine that caught both of us eyes was this month’s National geographic with the cover of Persepolis pictures and article about Iran. My husband said: “we have to buy the magazine and keep it”. I read the whole article while I was waiting for my husband. I got shiver several times when the article was describing about glorious days of Iran and how Persia was the first super power of the world. The Article describes how great Cyrus started the kingdom with peace and eliminated discrimination and freed all the Jews who were captivated as slaves. It says also how we were the first civilization who believed in only one god and when Arabs attacked Iran they were forcing us to believe in what we already had believed for more than one thousand year!!!!!!!! It talks about how Arabs, Mongols and others occupy Iran and how we saved our language and some of our culture through all these attacks. I was emotional and sad. No matter how happy and successful you are as an immigrant you always miss your roots and origins. The land that you left behind always attracts you and anything about it makes you concerned and gives you shiver unless you have completely cut the cord from your past and deny your true identity! I never read such a good article about Iran in any western magazine before. Iranians really need this. Iran is not just a third world country with an idiot president who does not know Sh??t about anything! There is a 2500 civilization behind it that is like a fire under the ash and a good wind can blow to the fire and bring it up again. I pray for that day.
Any way after finishing the article and looking at the beautiful pictures I thought that I have to buy the magazine as my husband said. When I went back to the office I got an email from my ex-colleague and always sweet friend that she had seen the magazine and thought of me so she bought it for me and now she needed my office address to send it to me!!!!!!!!!! Isn’t it something amazing? She is so sweet and I really appreciate her friendship. She is the only person that knows me in person and I gave her my blog address so she could read it! I think our souls are somehow connected!

Mother-in-law!

2008-07-17T13:37:00.001-07:00

My Mother-in-law is still with us, she finally got her swearing letter and is scheduled to take part in citizenship swearing ceremony on July 23rd. Her ticket is for August 4th.
I have been married for 8 years now and every year my mother-in-law has been in US from 3 months to 11 months and she has always been at our place for a while during her visitation. She never really wanted to get a place for her own!
My other sister-in-law treated her really bad while she was at her place for 2 months recently but I decided to be nice and welcoming more than ever for couple of reasons:
First of all I am more mature now and have become a lot more patient recently. Part of it is because of reading the book New Earth and practicing its advises, Second: I thought, when she will be a citizen she won’t have excuse to come and stay long here and most probably this will be her last long visit so I have to bear with it one more time. Third reason is I thought to myself, If I need to go and stay in one of my son’s places for a while in future (which I really avoid!!)Do I like to be treated not nicely by their wives? Any way I am putting up with some comments that I don’t like and lack of privacy! This too will pass. That is a sentence in New Earth book! It is good to remember that every situation will pass in its own time, if we keep our patience we can pass through it and we will be fine!
I have to confess that I am getting wiser and I am glad that I have chosen to work on myself and my inner self. I know I still need to work more, definitely by the day of my death. Everyone needs that!

Single or Married?

2008-07-07T19:17:00.001-07:00

-I have a friend that I have written about her here before. She is my best friend. I don’t know that we are still best friends or just old friends. We know each other from 5th grade and we were so close when we were both in Iran, she was the first one to move to US and then I moved two years later. She got married first also. She lives one hour away from San Diego in Orange County. When I moved to US we were both very happy and kept our friendship close. When I got married we tried to make our husbands friends so we could hang out more. My husband is pretty friendly so we could hang out as couples as well but after five years of marriage she got divorced about five years ago and after that she had a single life style and found new single friends so she could have fun with them. I have been happy for her to be able to run her life happily after divorce. Obviously we don’t see each other as much because I am married and have two kids and am very busy and worst of all we live one hour away from each other. Even this one hour trip makes it harder to see each other but we are always in touch and see each other whenever we can.
In these last 5 years she has been dating different guys but none of those relationships ended to marriage. I was talking to her the other day and she was telling me that she is very happy as a single person and does not feel like getting married. She goes out with her single friends almost every weekend and they are going to south France in August.
I have to confess that I was jealous. I was thinking to myself that when was the last time that I went out to party and have fun. Recently we just go out as a family and with two kids it can be very challenging! I feel like I don’t have personal fun. I enjoy my kids a lot and am happy to have them and spend time with them but I miss going out and having fun. I know you say so why don’t you go out sometime? Because I get so tired of the outside work and home work that by the time that is Saturday night don’t have energy to go out. For example we wanted to go out for a dinner or movie last Saturday but I had tons of laundry and other works to do so by the time that was evening I was so tired that I did not feel like going out. My husband is not as helpful as he can be. I need to remind him all the time to help more! And sometimes I get tired of these reminding!! Any way Sometimes I think may be staying single and live the life all on our own is more fun and is a lot easier. I get lots of love from my kids and don’t trade them for the world but what about me and my young days that are passing by so fast? My mom says you have family and kids, when you get older you have two sons and that will be joyful, imagine if you be only when you are old! But in a world like US they will leave the house and will go to other states for education or work and I will see them may be once or twice a year, they won’t fill my loneliness when I am old! If we will end up being alone when we are old, isn’t it better to at least be single and enjoy our life when we are young without too much responsibility and hard work?
I know that I don’t like to be single and personally I am a family person so I should be happy to have my own family and try to have fun every now and then and don’t compare myself with my single friend! But sometimes especially when I am tired I cannot stop that kind of comparison!!!!!!!!!!
-By the way my mother-in-law is staying with us since last week until at least mid August! She is in process of becoming US citizen and is waiting for her swearing ceremony! I am very patient about it; she is more helpful than before and is appreciating me more because my other sister-in-law treated her really bad when she stayed with them for a while. I feel sorry for her. She has been waiting for her citizenship process in last few months and she has been back and forth to her son’s houses. She could rent a place temporarily but she is a little bit stingy for that!! But I am trying my best to be nice and understanding.

Bill Gates

2008-06-28T21:53:00.000-07:00

I read in news today that Bill Gates is stepping down from being Microsoft Chairman and wants to work full time on his charitable projects. He mainly wants to work on healthcare. I remember that couple of years ago I saw his picture along with his wife among an African tribe in Africa. They had traveled there to help poor people. That picture made me amazed and I admired him so much, although I was not a Microsoft fan at that time and the technologies that used for my job were not mainly Microsoft product but I thought what a great person!!
I really admire him, although there have been lots of critics towards him and his company over the years but he is a genius. He definitely changed the world of Information Technology and as an IT person I give him lot of credits. Some of the products are just for business and making more money but some f their tools are excellent and make a programmer’s life like myself a lot easier ( now I work for a place that is a Microsoft shop, we use lots of their products). Besides being a smart business man he is good human being. There are lots of rich people all over the world that have never done what he is doing! May be you have heard that he is just giving each of his kids $10,000,000 and the rest of his wealth will go to charity after his death!! I admire him a lot. I wish I could be rich and help poor people. I think one of the greatest joys in life is to be able to help poor and sick people, especially kids.
You know that I believe hell and heaven is this world and we keep coming and living in the hell or heaven that we built in our pervious life, if we were a good person in past life the world will be a more heaven like place for us and if we were bad people in pervious life the world will be a hell for us. We just keep coming until we are completely purified and can go to the next level of life. This is my theory and understanding from hell and heaven and that is the only explanation that I can have for all the injustice that we see in the world for me!!
Any way I think Bill Gates has been a great person in his past life so the world has been a heaven for him and has given him enough opportunities to be at the point that he is at now! Good for him and god bless him.

8th Anniversary

2008-06-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our 8th anniversary, Time flew. The best part of our marriage is having our sons that we both love them to death.
My husband got me my favorite flower which is red roses but we did not go out because it was a week day and we were both tired.

It is amazing that how I have got used to be married and having family that now that I look back is hard to believe that I was single some day without any responsibility. To me it’s like I have had this family forever!
Sometimes I miss my single time but on the other hand I cannot live without my kids even for one day!!
I think parenthood with all of it’s responsibilities and troubles is a very special chapter in every body’s life and to me it is worth the trouble!

A New Post

2008-06-05T19:22:00.001-07:00

-It’s been a little bit stressful in the last couple of days for me.
My Mom got very sick and we took her to emergency room over the weekend, thank god she is better now.
We have upgraded all of our applications on our Internet web site to new servers at work and that was pretty much hectic too, especially because my boss went on a 4 weeks vacation!! Since Monday and we just went live with new upgrades on last Friday!! Most of the pressure was on me and my other co-worker. Things were smoother at work today. On the other hand I have two boys to take care when I go home and I miss them when I am at work. My Mother-In-Law is staying with us now (she goes back and forth to my other in-laws house). She was telling me the other day, that I would better stay home with kids and quit my job. She was comparing me (like all the time) with my other sister-in-law who does not work and is home with her child. She was telling me that her daughter is lucky to have Mom around!!
Although I know that she does not have bad intention by saying that and she just says whatever she thinks, but I was upset. Whoever is a working Mom knows what I say, when you work and have kids at home you always feel guilty for not being with them all the time and when people around you make comments like that, that really bothers!
Any way I know that although I feel guilty I am not going to quit my job, there will be lots of negative points to it for us and my hours at work are not really that bad.
Any way every time that she comes and stays with us she says things that bothers me but I try to stay cool and do whatever I feel that is right for me and my family. I guess we cannot change people and we should not bother to do that, we should just stay calm!
-Barak Obama is the candidate for Democratic party now, I will vote for him but was sad for Hillary too, she tried very hard. I think media was really hard on her. Her husband’s issue with that Monica Lewinsky affected her election too. People in us can become very shallow when it comes to these kind of things.
Now , another important thing is who Obama will choose as his vice president, this will have a very vital impact on his election, some people say he may choose Hillary which will make an interesting combination! We will see. I truly hope that he wins for various reasons, first of all I am a democrat and I want a democrat president goes to white house, second I think he has good plans and finally I think if a black person becomes president of US that will have a great positive impact on racial issues in this country and even other countries. It is time for the whole world to change and accept that color, nationality, race and religion does not matter and we are all human beings with equal rights!!!!!
Good luck to Obama!

Little boy

2008-05-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

-My little boy is getting cuter and cuter every day. He is a good baby and smiles most of the time. His older brother loves him more these days but still gets upset if we hold the baby a lot or show him attention, the good thing is when I ask him are you mad that I hold the baby he says yes and talks about it. Psychologically that is good, because he does not keep the anger inside himself. Any way it is challenging but is not as bad as I thought when I was pregnant!!

-I am busy at work but some days I can go home for lunch and spend a little bit time with the little one. My boss let me work from home on Wednesday afternoons temporarily! Hopefully I can stretch this schedule as long as possible.

_ I finished the book new earth and I learned a lot from it. I am practicing the advises and techniques. The most important point of the book is to try to live in the moment and enjoy now, this exact second that I am in it and do not get lost in thoughts so we just pass by the moments without living them!! I feel that I am making progress but I have to keep it in mind all the time.

-For those of you who read my blog regularly, have read in my one or maybe more than one post that I mentioned that two people heart me the most in my life, my ex-boyfriend in Iran and my ex sister-in-law. I had mentioned that I cannot forgive these two people! Guess what, I have forgiven them in my heart and I can tell that there is no one that I dislike these days except some politicians that lots of people don’t like them so that does not really count!!!!!!! I feel that I am growing in my heart and my mind and that makes me happy. I hope I can grow more and more and purify my soul and my heart as much as possible.

Go Back to work and getting older

2008-05-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

-Yesterday was my first day going back to work after 14 weeks off. Time flew so fast.
I had a mixed feeling this morning when I was driving to work. I was happy to go back to work and be productive and on the other side sad to leave my son at home. It is funny that I missed the exit! 3.5 months off made me forget about direction to work.
My office is close to home so I went home for my lunch break and saw the baby.
I am going to talk to my boss in next couple of days to see if they let me work from home one day or at least half a day during the week. If they don’t I will try to go home for lunches couple times a week.

-Today I turned 35! I cannot belive that I am this old now. I still picture myself as a little girl who was always jumping around. Now I have two boys, full time job and a demanding husband to take care of! Life has changed so much in last decade of my life!

New stuff

2008-04-23T19:08:00.000-07:00

-It’s been 3 days that I am sick; I have a very bad sore throat. I try not to hold baby too much so he does not get sick. These days I want to hold him more because in 10 days I would be back to work, so I want to enjoy him and my time with him as much as I can! Thinking about being separated from him makes me sad and I try not to think about it!

-The New earth book is having great impact on me and I am practicing it’s advices a lot. I feel more present and happier I just need to keep it this way. I highly recommend this book.

-Hillary Clinton won in Pennsylvania, but still is behind from Obama. I liked Hillary to win but now I am kind of disappointed by her, she lied about her Bosnia experience and have been playing different roles! I want a Democrat to go to white house either Hilary or Obama. Republican’s administration is destroying this country.
-I was watching Oprah show ( I am learning a lot from her shows) yesterday and it was about keeping earth green, which was very informative. I think Americans are way behind about fighting global warming in comparison with Europeans. But this kind of programs that these days are shown by famouse people like Operah is very eye opener. I myself have become a lot more careful with recycling these days. I have a separate garbage bag for plastic and papers in my kitchen and recycle every thing I can. I have thought my son to throw papers, plastics in that bag too. Any way one of Operah's guests was Al gore who you know has won Nobel peace prize for his efforts about global warming. Every time I see this man I feel so upset that he was not elected as president of US!! If he was elected the history of the world would be different, there would not be any war with Iraq, Afghanistan, etc!!
I hope people have got their lesson and make the right decision this time.
-Do you know Bill Maher? He is very left handed comedian whose show is very political and he is against Bush big time. If he was in Iran and would attack the regime the way he attacks Bush Administration he would be executed 10 times. His show is on HBO on Friday nights. I think you can download it from HBO.com too. I love him and his show a lot. He has excellent point of views and he has big guts!!

Good book

2008-04-15T16:20:00.000-07:00

- I am going back to work on May 5th! I am happy and sad! Some how I miss working, being at home although I keep myself busy with the baby and other stuff makes me depressed sometimes. But on the other side I miss being with my baby. We always miss something in life no matter what we choose. My husband told me that if i want to quit my job he is going to support my decision we just need to limit ourselves financially but I like my job and if I quit it now, that would almost be impossible to find such a good job in 2 or 3 years again, so I am going back to work but will try to talk to my boss so I can cut some hours at work and work from home sometimes. I should see what happenes.

-I am reading a new book, New earth, which is an Oprah book club recommended book, and Oprah has live sessions about it on her web site. That is such an interesting book, I am enjoying it a lot. As she says it herself it can change you if you are ready for a change! It can change our perspective of life, but the thing with these kind of books is that we change temporarily but after a while we forget about the lesson and we go back to our bad habits. I think I myself need lot of practice. I have to make myself remembering the valued points like living in present all the time!!

New things!

2008-04-03T15:34:00.001-07:00

-My little one is growing so fast, his big brother is less jealous these days. Last night he wanted to play, his dad played with him a little, then Dad said that he was tired and needed a break, my son was upset and said, I wish my baby brother was born in June (same month that he was born) and he was my age so I could play with him. I was so touched by his words and played with him myself, I told my husband I wish I had not waited this long to have another child.
If you have one kid and want to have second one, don't wait too long, best age difference is two years I guess, but since I had a hard time with my son, because he was not a good sleeper and in general he is a challenging boy I did not want to have a second child but now I think I should have had the second one earlier. I thank god any way that they are healthy and I did not wait longer than this!

-I have a friend who lives in Canada, she was a classmate of university back in Iran, and most of my classmates have immigrated to Canada. We were not very close friends but we kept in touch, any way she emailed me and said that she was coming to CA for visiting and she liked to visit me also. I said, sure I would like to see you too. She called me last week on Tuesday and said that she was in LA and could come to San Diego on Wednesday. I told her that she could stay over night and mentioned that my mom had an important Doctor appointment on Thursday afternoon that I needed to take her, but I could be with her all day Wednesday and Thursday Morning. Any way long story short, she came on Wednesday by train, I picked her up and took her to La Jolla one of the most beautiful places in San Diego or even in CA. I invited her to lunch in a very nice restaurant and showed her around. I had left the baby home with my Mom. For evening My mom had made a very good meal that I served her. She told me she wanted to leave next day by train at 4:30; My mom appointment was 2:30. I explained that there was not enough time for me to give her ride to train station and she could go earlier or later. But in my surprise she said no, I have to go at 4:30 because I want to go to Orange County to visit a friend and she cannot pick me up earlier than 5:30 and next train would be too late! She said could you change your mother’s appointment!!!!! I called my brother and asked him to take my mom but I could not believe it that she was so inconsiderate! And too comfortable to ask me that.
Any way I took her out again next morning to show her more places and gave her ride to the train station in the afternoon. She just called me after one week today. Apparantly she stayed two days in Orange county and one more day in LA and had lots of fun, now that she is back to Canada, it was snowing!! she likes to move here!! Any way, I felt that she expected me to keep her here couple more days. It seems like some people expect too much from their friends. I myself am very careful with other people and sometimes too considerate. May be the way she is is the right way!!

-I talked to my best friend the other day, who is divorced, she is having lots of fun going to parties, clubs, etc.
She was telling me that she is usded to this life style a lot! I was thinking when was the last time that I was to a club! is it better to be single and party all the time or be married have kids and busy with them all the time? what would I prefer? I thought about it and I think at this age I like to have my family and I enjoy them! My husband said for our age range in 30's and 40's having family is the normal way of life!( Please don't get offended if you are single and have passed 40!). I think it really depends on people's personality we should see what makes us happier in life and where we can find true happiness!!

Happy New year

2008-03-17T17:31:00.000-07:00

- I am Ok these days, baby is growing fast. The bad news of these days is that my mom had an accident and it was her fault it was a very weird accident, when she was living our house last Saturday she bumped to a car parking on our street which was parked on the other side of street but fortunately no one was in the car. She could not remember what exactly happened, she said that she could not control the car and I think she hit the pedal instead of hitting the brake when she bumped the other car and created lots of damage especially to her own car . My Mom has high blood pressure and my guess was that her blood pressure went high and for a moment her brain was blocked but couple days later she told me that now she remembers that she had poured herself tea to drink in the car and when she was turning the car the glass was dropped and she looked down to see what happened and that is the moment that she lost the control of her car! Any way I and my husband though that may be she better not to drive any more, if she needs ride we will give her ride and take her any where she wants. But there are issues like when I am going back to work I want my mom to come and take care of baby at our house so we won’t take him out early in the morning and it is better for the babies to stay in same environment so we will need to take her home every night and drive her back in the morning ( she wants to sleep in her own bed and have evening to herself which I completely understand), although her house is close but in long run that would be difficult. On the other hand she feels stuck at home without car. People that live in CA know what I am talking about, it is very hard not to have a car in CA, there not much good public transportation services here and every one needs car. Any way I don’t know if it is right for her to buy another car. Her old one was damaged badly and she gave it away.
- Iranian New Year is on Wednesday, we are invited to my husband’s cousin like ever year to celebrate with family and friends. Tomorrow is Charshanbeh souri, the last Tuesday night of Persian year that people celebrate and jump over the fire. As usual the celebration is by the beach and I think I won’t go because it will be cold at night with baby!! I like to go though!!
- They have announced that there is budget cut for state of Ca and they want to lay off teachers! Can you believe it they spend so much money on the damned war with Iraq then they are short in budget and lay off poor teachers? What a teacher supposed to do if she/he is not teaching?? Flipping hamburger. I am sick of this republican administration. God helps people and send a democrat to the white house. Actually people should help them themselves by choosing the right thing!!
- Last but not least my baby is doing great, he is a lot more quite than his brother!! But I am very busy with him and hardly get chance to blog or read other blogs!!
- My older son is still jealous and sometimes acts out. Our biggest problem with him is that he is not a good listener and we should always repeat things with him, since the new baby has come his listening problem has got worse. Any way we met with a psychologist today to get some advises. The biggest tip from her was we should stay calm as much as possible when he misbehaves and avoid any yelling!! Sometimes it is hard not to yell!! We just tell him calmly but he does not listen and pushes us to the edge. We are practicing to be very very calm, hopefully he gets better! I can tell that biggest challenge of my life has been dealing with my son!!!!!!!!!!!
He is good smart kid but he is challenging some times.

Happy new year and have fun, especially those in Iran, I wish I was there and would go to shomal (North of Iran) for Nowruz like when I was living in Iran. Sometimes I really miss those days when my only responsibility in life was studding and getting prepared for exams!!!!!!!!

Just a new post!

2008-03-03T16:06:00.001-08:00

-I have been busy with baby a lot recently; I am not even able to keep up with my emails. I had forgotten how much work is it to have a little baby. I am not very lucky with breast-feeding this time. He took my breast for the first 3 weeks but I felt that he does not get full and started giving him formula on the side since last week , now he does not want to take my breast any more. I still try to breast feed him couple times a day but he surely prefers formula!! He is growing fast and looks very cute these days!
Because of sleepless nights I have been in bad moods in last few days but today when my mother- in-law was here for visiting I was just looking at her and thinking to myself that she is 70 years old, her husband is long gone and her kids are grown ups and busy with their lives, She must be liking to go back in time be my age have her family around her! So I have to appreciate these days that I have my kids living with me and my husband is alive and is with us! I felt that I have to go back to positive mood and bear with tiredness!! That is so true that we do not appreciate our moments and just looking forward to future, forgetting that this moment is the life and god knows what happens tomorrow! I myself need to remind it to myself a lot!!

-These days Presidential election is a hot topic in US. I like Hillary Clinton to be elected but she has a challenging competition with Obama. I think Obama is good too but Hillary is more experienced and there is nothing about her that people don’t know so republicans cannot make up new things for her but Obama is a new target if he becomes the final democrat candidate, republicans will bring up new things against him and will use his race to put him down as much as they can. Plus I think some Americans are not still ready for a non-white president I can tell that they are not ready for a woman president either!! That is not very clear that people are more sexist or racist!!!! I truly wish a democrat goes to the white house and I will be very upset if another republican will go to the office to destroy this country and other countries more!!

New Challenges!

2008-02-17T17:00:00.000-08:00

I am very busy and actually overwhelmed these days by new baby! The hardest part is lack of sleep. Waking up two times a night for breast-feeding is not the most fun thing!! On the other hand we should give lot of attention to my older son. Obviously he is jealous but I and my husband both are trying our best to give him enough attention. We cannot leave him even one minute alone with baby, he wants to hug him hard and sometimes press him, we should just keep reminding him not to push baby and be very careful with him. Any way it is a challenging situation and I think it will be this way for a while. I can tell that my older son is doing better than the first couple of days but still needs lot of care and attention!

Days pass so fast. I try to read while I am breast-feeding so time passes by faster. I already finished two books!! One is nothing lasts for ever (Written by Sydney Sheldon) the other was tell me about your dreams again written by Sydney Sheldon. Both are interesting entertaining books.
Some people that have two kids already had warned me that having two kids is not doubling the work, it will be multiplying the work and I see they were very right! Thank god my Mom is here and she is very helpful!

Baby is born!

2008-02-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

Baby was born on last Wed at 1:53 PM. The delivery was smooth and we are both fine.He was 8.8 lb (almost 4 KG) and 20 inches (51 cm) tall, thank god he is healthy. I still feel some pain but it is not that bad. The challenging part is dealing with my older son. He is jealous and is acting out, the first couple of days that I came home from hospital was hard, since yesterday he is better. We are trying our best to spend more time with him, I try to follow the routine like reading books and playing with him but still I can see anger in him!
Some times he wants to hug the baby and I see that he is pressing him, then I should remind him that he is too little and he should be more careful. Any way I am overwelmed, I hope things get smoother by time.
Baby is a cute baby and he is a good eater. I breast feed him as long as possible.

I will keep you posted soon.

Still hanging there!

2008-01-22T16:36:00.001-08:00

-I am fine and still hanging there. My last day at work is this Thursday and I am scheduled to have cesarean on next Wednesday. It is pretty close. The baby’s room is ready and I think is very cute. We got new furniture for my son too. His room looks very nice as well. It was time for him to have a bigger bed and new stuff, we wanted him to feel that his getting new nice stuff too.
These days I keep thinking how the new one will look like, is he going to be as cute as his older brother? Of course his health is the most important thing. Although my ultrasound and the 16th week test were all normal but I think like all the mothers I have the fear that what if some thing is wrong with the baby? I hope he will be a healthy happy kid.
I should stay 4 nights at the hospital; I think that would be difficult for my son because he has never been home at night without me. I hope he can cope with the new situation well.
I already have asked my husband and all the close family to give all the attention to my son not the new borne. It must be challenging for kids to have a new siblings. I did not face that challenge myself because I was the last child and I had 2 older brothers one 9 years and the other 11 years older than me. So I was the center of attention whole my childhood with o competition!

-It is election time again; we will have the primary election for California on Feb 5th. I hope I can go and vote, I will try my best. I am voting for Hillary Clinton. She is smart and has been in the white house for 8 years. Obama has good plans too but he needs more experience and if he becomes the final candidate for democrats then democrats will have less chance to win, although Hillary is a woman but she has more chance than an African-American (black) guy. There are states (especially the southern ones) and people that still are not ready to have a non-white president. Who ever comes to the board will have a hard time fixing all the mess that current Mr. President has caused. I hope ending Iraq war will be one of the first actions. I really get frustrated when I hear all the money that has been going to this useless, un-humanitarian war! They could help all those poor Africans with all this money and eliminate poverty from that part of the world with the money they spent on this war and also help the US economy!!
I hope by the time that my kids become adults we have better, more responsible leaders in the world!!!!!!
Wish me Luck!

What is best?

2008-01-10T13:21:00.000-08:00

-Doctor has scheduled Jan 30th for my caesarean. I am planning to work until Jan 25th!!
It will depend on how I feel; I am more tired these days but can still come to work.
I hope I can go by my plans and baby does not come earlier. We are all getting ready now.
Yesterday Our CIO (the top management of our division) passed by my Cubicle and said: â€œ are you still working? I thought you must be on leave now! I said I would come to work until 25th. He asked me if I will come back to work! I said Be honest with you, If I was working for private company or was not happy with my job I would not come back, but I like my job and I want to keep it he said I am happy to hear that!!
When you are a woman and get pregnant, the first thing comes to managers mind is that: is she coming back to work??
I should confess that the thought of quitting job has come to my mind few times already. The only thing is that we should change our life style if I decide to be stay home mom, we have to sell our house buy a smaller one and cut on some expenses which we will get used to I guess but the other thing would be my carrier, I like my current job, it is a high pay job, very good benefit and a good future. I will have a good retirement and I will grow in this job well. I am already a well known employee in my division. So considering all these will I regret it if I quit this job? If I stay home it will be better for my kids. I myself was raised with a mom always working and being out of home I was never happy about it and always envied my friends that had stay home mom. If I work I will spend less time with my children but I can provide a better life for them and for their future and education I can be more helpful. Which one is more important to a kid. Deep inside I think spending more time with kids is more important than a more expensive life style for them. What about myself? I am not really type of person that can spend all day home and not being productive, I know being a mom is the most productive thing but my job fulfills my pride and dignity a lot, will I be depressed if I lose this? I think so, if I am a depressed, down mom who does not feel good about herself, is it going to be good for my kids? If they see me less hours but when I am with them I am happy and positive is more important or just being with them? There are so many questions in this matter and I dont have all the answers yet! Overall quitting my job is a huge risk for me because getting this job back wont be easy at all and most probably impossible! I dont want to do something that I regret it for ever!
For now the plan is that my Mom takes care of the little one when I come back to work up to two years. I will try to cut few hours at work if they accept. I am not really sure about that. I dont want to bring it up now. I want to come back from leave and then mention it. Any way being mom and a carrier woman in today world is not easy at all.
May be women in old times were happier to be just mom may be not!!

Getting bigger!

2007-12-27T16:04:00.000-08:00

-We had a quite relaxing Christmas holiday. We have a nice tree and my son was expecting Santa clause to come at Christmas Eve and leave him presents. I already had bought some gifts for him and put it under the tree at night. When he woke up in the morning he asked me and dad if Santa had come the night before. We told him letâ€™s go downstairs and see if he has come! He was happy to see his presents and was busy playing with each one for few hours.

-My tummy has grown very big and I am more tired these days, I still come to work because I rather take all my time off after delivery so I spend more time with baby. I will take 14 weeks off, but it is not enough! when we compare maternity benefits with European countries, ours is really bad. My work wonâ€™t pay me any thing except my vacation time and sick leave time which is about 8 weeks ( I have been saving my vacation and sick leave whole last year). I cannot get any thing from government because it will be a short term disability due to pregnancy and since the short term disability is not deducted from my paycheck due to my high classification at my work organization, I am not eligible to receive it. My cousin who lives in Norway is pregnant too; she will deliver her baby just three weeks earlier than me. She is staying home since the 6th month of her pregnancy and she can stay home 10 months after delivery fully paid!!!!! It is very obvious that we are living in total imperialism society!!
On the other hand US is a big country with 300,000,000 population, including different races and nationalities if they offer the benefits that is offered in some European countries here is US some certain groups and races want to bring child every year!!!!! But I believe that government could arrange benefits in a way that not every one could abuse it and deserved people could receive it!!
Any way US is a country of opportunities and you can grow here very fast but on the other hand you have to work hard and donâ€™t expect free money from government!!!!!!!
They have more other important plans to cover like war and â€¦

-We have just few more days to New Year. I wish every one a very happy 2008 full of health, joy and success!

Misc

2007-12-11T14:13:00.000-08:00

-My Baby Shower party was last Saturday and it turned out nice. My husbandâ€™s cousin who threw party for me did a great job. She is a great host and has a big house with all the facilities to have a great party. My friends and some family showed up and I got lots of cute gifts.
Just two days before the party I and my brother had a big argument with our mom, My mom is a wise woman but sometimes does things that looks so unwise. She became friend with a woman younger than her age who is a big looser. Apparently her dad was passed a way in Iran and they were not in touch for a long time and now she wanted to hire a lawyer in Iran to get her inheritance. My mom knows some one and introduced her to him when he was here on a trip to visit his daughter, they signed an agreement but for the money my mom accepted the responsibility to get money from her friend and send it to him and gave her receipt. She did not discuss this with us. Long story short, this woman seems to be very abnormal and now she is regretting payment to the lawyer and knows my mom responsible for that and have sent a letter to my mom that she will sue my mom unless she pays her back the money and has written lot of lies and accusations towards all of us in that letter.
I and my brother were both blaming her that why she did not consult with us and why she accepted the responsibility in first place. The woman could just send the money directly to lawyer, why my mom got herself involved. Any way she was mad at us because we were blaming her!! The whole argument was not fun at all and my brother brought up other things from his young hood and some family issues! I felt like the whole
Argument is going to a wrong way and tried to stop it! Any way I asked the lawyer to send the agreement and proof of receiving money from my mom so I could send it to that idiot woman and I did. Some thing that in this whole matter was bothering me was that my brother has some anger towards our mom because some issues of the past and whenever he is mad at her for something he just drops every thing on her. I hope I will never have such a situation with my own kids in future!!

-I am getting bigger these days and I try to imagine how will be things when we have our second child. I wonder how I can divide my love and attention between both of them and how I will handle every thing. It must be very challenging. Thinking about it makes me nervous some times!! He will come in less than two months, I better be ready!!

-I have got another recognition award at work for a project that I completed few months a go. The users of project especially the one that ordered the project to our division was very demanding but I was very patient and thorough with what they needed. The funny thing is that I am a lot more patient and calm at work comparing home. It seems that I use all my patience at work and live very little dosage for home. Any way that made me happy. It is good to be recognized and appreciated, it happened especially when I was doubting again that If I should really continue to work when I have the second child. I know my job is a big dignity in life for me and if I quit it I will regret it sooner or later!!!!!!