Marriage

There is a 24 hours Persian radio station broadcasting from LA, which has some interesting programs like a psychological program that is performed by a very famous Persian psychologist who is very respectful among Iranian community not just in US but all around the world. I believe one of the reasons that this Persian station KIRN 670 am that can be accessed through Internet and satellite is this program. His name is
Dr. Holakooi, I myself respect him a lot and I think he is a genius. Any way he has program between 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm every afternoon, so when I get out of the work around 3:30 pm I listen to his program on my way home. It is very interesting program, people call him and talk about all sorts of problems that they have, some family issues, some child raising issues, etc.

I myself have learned a lot from him, although I hardly ever have had time to listen to a full session. Yesterday an Iranian Lady who lives in Canada called and said that she was 33 years old and divorced and she has just met some one through Internet, they sent pictures for each other and talked on the phone. She was saying that the guy started telling her from the second day that he loves her and he knows she is the one!!
Now it is about a week that they talk on the phone and chat through Internet and the guy wants her to travel to US (where the guy lives) and be her guest, he is willing to pay for the flight, hotel and every thing.
Her question was is it OK to travel to US and meet the guy! Dr Holakooie said “how come he fell in love with you so quick, it must be some thing wrong with him, no body can fall in love from long distance so quick. You need to get to know him more before traveling to US and meeting him. You need to at least wait 2 more months and get more information about his life, job, etc”
The lady said I am 33 years old and alone; I really want to get married and start a family!! Dr said but you can wait two more months to have a baby!!! Which sounded really funny.

Any way I felt bad for that lady.Why most of us (women) are so desperate to get married and have kids. I myself was the same way, I really did not care that much about getting married before 25 but as soon as I turned 25, I got concerned which was really stupid, part of it was because of people around me like my own family and relatives. Specially in Iran people keep asking you after certain age why don’t you get married, when we come to your wedding? and stupid things like that. This makes some girls really nervous.

I moved to US at 25 and met my husband when I was 26, he is a good husband although he has his own faults like me and every body else but he can be categorized as a good man. I am glad I have family of my own but we can be alone and still have a happy life, a good marriage is very good but jumping in to a marriage just because we want to be married and have kids is really wrong. When I was in Iran I used to think that western girls are not that much concern about getting married but since I moved here I found out even American girls like to get married and start family by 30, which makes sense, since naturally is better for women to have kids under 35 or maximum 40, but should we really ruin our life and future and jump to a marriage because natural clock says that? Is every one material of marriage?

I think we should really learn how to be happy and take wise ways to make our life happier not just listen to people that really do not care that much about our life. I know men are concerned about getting married and start family too, but women show a lot more fuss about it. I know some women that they really do not like kids and they cannot be good mothers but they get married and get pregnant because of people around them don’t say “oh that girl is torshide”(some woman that is old and not married yet). I think if in all societies people marry for right reasons not just because of what other say or just because they are getting older, the divorce rates will go down effectively.

Another reason that some women get married fast or in early age is financial support, they need a man to support them and make them feel secure. I think this is the time that we should really try to become as independent as we can. Getting married for financial reasons can be very destructive in a woman life. What if some thing happens to the man or they get divorce? Some women even end up becoming prostitute because they lose their man’s support and they are so dependent that cannot do any thing but being a prostitute specially in poor countries and we see it or hear about it in Iran these days here and there.

I really wish for the day that people (Women and men) get married for right reason!

Ocean