Tough time again!

It’s been a year or so that every now and then I get very sensitive, negative and disappointed in life. Whoever has been reading my blog frequently can notice that. The whole summer I was Ok but since two weeks ago I am on and off down and depressed. I had some big arguments with my husband recently and my older son as usual is a big source of stress for both of us. Thank god, he is doing fine so far in school but at home he is very challenging. He challenges us for everything from doing home work to brushing his teeth. Sometimes I think to myself that I always was a very good child to my parents why should I get such a challenging kid? Any way the negative feelings push me on and off these days and sometimes I do not fight it and just give in! May be I am in mid life crisis mode! But it is kind of too early for that! I guess.
My husband became so unbearable last week by the comments that he gave me left and right. He expects to go to sport every day, watch TV since he gets home and I take care of kids, house work, etc all by myself. If he helps, he will nag that he is doing everything and he blames me for not letting him go to gym, soccer or volleyball every day. He goes to gym, Soccer and volleyball games, two to three times a week but he wants to go every day!
Saturday he started by nagging again and I exploded really badly. It was a long time that I had not become this angry. I could not stop yelling! I felt that I had enough of him, I left home and drove around for one hour, he called me at least 10 times but I did not answer. I did not want to go back home again, but it was around lunch time and I could not leave kids without lunch. So I went back home, he tried to apologize and said: “I was just kidding you”. Can you believe it? Someone nags you all the time for not letting him be free and pushes you to the edge and then say I was just kidding. Any way we had another argument again and I even said: “enough is enough, I have to get separated from you, so you can go sleep at gym and exercise every day and have the all fun that you miss now. The biggest mistake that I made was fighting in front of kids, I know how bad it is, but I could not control my anger any more. Any way I tried to calm down and he is trying to be all nice again but I am still mad. Last night he asked me if I still love him, I did not have any answer to that. I am so confused these days. How much do I really love him? I know that I am used to him and I still care for him but I feel so un- appreciated. I work 8 hours a day. I have two young kids to take care of. I have my Mom who is a great help for me but I have to take of her needs as well and then I have a husband that blames me and thinks that I am pressuring him and he is not free enough. Who is really pressured in this life? Me or him? I don’t even have one hour for myself. I exercise in my lunch breaks at work, at most twice a week. I f I want to do for example my nails I have to do it in my lunch break too because I want to spend all my “free” time with my kids and family!
Any way the only solution that I could come up with is going to an Iranian female psychologist, maybe she can understand me and help me out. If that works I will take my husband too. I think we both need counseling! I am going tomorrow. Wish me luck!!!