Sick and upset!!

I have been very sick since Friday, My son got it first and then he passed all the germs to me. I can tell that I have not been this sick for a long time. Any way I still don’t feel very well and have soar throat and cough.
On top of sickness I am sad and frustrated too which can be related to my sickness as well.
-I am sad because today is my father’s memorial. It is 15 years now that he is not with us!
I always miss him but what can I do! This is life and we all have moved on with our daily lives!

-I am very frustrated by my husband these days I feel that he is getting lazier every day. I work as hard as him out of the home and most of the house work is on my shoulder, although he does not admit it and he thinks he is very helpful but I know that he tries to get away with house work as much as he can and pass things to me! He was not like that when we got married first, he was very helpful but since my mom moved to US he changed, because my mom always helps and I believe that he thinks to himself that her mom is here and helps why should I bother! Anyway I know every marriage has up and downs, mine is in down time for sure now!
Every thing related to him makes me frustrated. I cannot stand his mom and his family either! They are takers, stingy and very annoying! Last night I was so upset that I wished I could just walk out the door and never come back! At the moment I could understand people that just walk out on every thing and leave! They reach to the edge that they cannot go forward, but I am not that brave and not that selfish either. May be if it was not because of my son I would walk out but I don’t want to destroy his little world! God, I know I am bitter and frustrated but I feel trapped. I wish it was like girl friend, boy friend time, you could break up any time and you go back together again. But when you are married and especially have kid things are very complicated!! I remember that my brother in Iran used to tell me that marriage is like a mysterious castle, whoever is inside wants to get out and the ones that are outside want to get in! It did not make any sense to me when he said it but now I understand what he really meant!!

I don’t like myself when I am negative like this but there is nowhere else that I could just explode like this! At least I can be honest and say what I feel here! I hope I can get over myself and go back to normal mood soon!