Cultural Differences!
-When kids pass age 2 , 3 or more here, parents arrange some play dates for them. That means parents of the kids that are closer at school or get along better invite their kid’s friend to their house so they play together. The other day I saw a note in my son’s lunch box from mother of his friend that had asked me to call her so we could arrange a play date for my son and hers. Any way although I really rather have my time with him and my husband over the weekend and we do our own family things I though I should call her back and arrange the play date. I called and we met for Saturday at 3:00. Like most of Iranians that go to somebody’s house for the first time, I felt obligated to take something with me so I bought a book and puzzle for my son’s friend, which was a total surprise to the MOM! Any way she took us to the back yard and said that she was planting and we should wait until she finished!! It was kind of chilly and windy!! Kids played a little in the back yard while the other mom was running around planting but it was getting cold and kids wanted to go inside and play!! My son’s friend had a younger brother whom was complaining to the mom because he needed a dipper change and Mommy wanted to finish her planting no matter what!! Any way we were in the back yard for more than 1 hour and then she took us inside to the kids room so they could play!
I was really hit by her actions, which is normal here! People do whatever works for them and most of Americans are concerned more about themselves than others, if she felt she should finish her planting she did not care that we were waiting in the backyard chilled for her! This is the big difference between our cultures and westerners ( I talk more about Americans here because I don’t have that much of experience with Europeans). If we invite someone to our house, we make sure we serve them nicely and we do every thing to make sure that our guest is comfortable! But here people always consider themselves first! Mentality of majority of people is I should care for myself and my feelings first and every one else including their kids and their family comes second! On the other side majority of us, are more concerned about any one else rather than ourselves. Some times we make ourselves so miserable and uncomfortable just to make some one else happy which is not really healthy either! I think something in the middle would be nice. We should care about ourselves and our comfort but at the same time consider other people around us and make sure that our comfort does not have a bad impact on them!
Any way I think we are living in the world that selfishness is becoming people’s culture every where and that make us human beings more and more distant from each other and lead us to wars, ruin each other’s lives and …
When I left my son’s friends house I thought to myself, that thank god we have Iranian friends and family around us! What if we had to just have relationship with Americans!!
I should say that Americans in general have lots of great cultural characteristics too, like they are very honest people (most of them, may be some politicians are excluded!!!!)
They are polite (I know some people in other countries think opposite but Americans are the most polite people in my personal experience) and they are nice and usually smile at you!! But we as first immigrant generation here still should struggle to digest the cultural differences! I am sure it is a lot easier for the second generations!
_Nowruz is near and I can smell the flower in the air already, I always feel home sick ( if I still can name it home, although it will always be the original home but my current home is here with all the cultural differences!!) at this time of the year! Although Iranians try their best to have Nowruz parties and every thing but it is not same as Iran! I loved to go Tajrish bazzar in the last day of the year and watch people running around and buying New Year’s stuff! You know some times I wish, I could have all these opportunities, freedom and comfort in my original country! But this is our destiny and I am not complaining about it! I am just opening up my inner feelings! And I just do it here in my blog!
posted by Ocean at 5:10 PM
8 Comments:
This was certainly rude of her. We do have a lot of non-Iranian friends. Every single one of them, the first time that visited us, brought us gifts (much better gifts than what we got from Iranian friends!). Even in their second and third visit they brought something (a drink, a cake, choclate). When we met them in their homes, they have acted very politely and have done anything in their hands to make us feel home. Some of them, even brough us sovoniers from their trips. So, I would say there was something wrong with this particular lady!
Well, of course, the level of "taarof" is much less, but I have never had an experience even comparable with this story. To be honest, I would have left her home and would not let my kid go to their home. I forgot to say, I am living in Canada (which I would say has an American culture)
1:12 PM
I should really add here that I did not mean all Americans are that rude or selfish but my general experience with them has showed me that in overall they are more selfish that us (people from east)! Of course there are lots nice and caring people among them as well! I myself have good American friends. but they usually consider their comfort first then other people!
6:09 PM
You can not feel it is near Norooz here, no goldfish yet, and people mostly talk about possibility of war… however, khane takani is not forgotten!
10:27 PM
Maybe we cannot call it selfishness, maybe she has been "too honest" to unconciously show her selfishness!I haven't lived in the US but I have read about north american culture in books and I think its really better than the middle eastern and south american culture. Actually they are less likely to pretend they are caring and nice to others, but nowadays many Iranians always try to pretend that they are kind to others( I have seen that in tehran more than other cities).
12:21 AM
Did you ever visit this link http://iraniandoughter.blogspot.com
I found it googling on "khane takani"
"The "spring cleaning" (khane takani), done before the New Year, is more than just a cleaning operation. A new life is dawning and the house must be symbolically purified and thoroughly cleansed as if it were a human body, by being carefully washed and by its inhabitants wearing new clothes. On the last Wednesday of the year, "Ember Wednesday" (Chaharshambe-souri), a bonfire is lit over which men, women, old and young leap over the flames shouting "Fire that burns! Fire! Fire! May your red come to me and my yellow to You!" People do this with the desire to leave behind all their bad luck and misfortune to the fire and start a fresh new year of happiness."
Being cultural: In North Germany and in the North east part of Holland we also have huge bonfires in March. It is a habit which goes back thousands of years. It means fertility and a prosperous new year.
9:31 AM
Hi ocean
thank you so much for your comment.
fara residan norooz 1386
ra be shoma va khanevadeh tabrik
gofteh arezoy khoshi movafaghieat
va kamyabi minemayam.
dar zemn agar dar weblog man white colour ra khandi
comment yadat bashe.
good luck
Ashkavand
5:08 AM
This your nice boy has different and story for himself .I hope you 'll be lucky :)
1:13 AM
I sincerely hope you did not get into the habit of setting up play dates with this woman. Her behavior was totally atypical, in my opinion, for any mother. Based on your description of that day: While it is true her children would learn pleasant things while visiting at your house, your son would not be learning pleasant things from her family. She sounded incredibly thoughtless.
7:59 PM
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