Rest of in-laws story

After thinking a lot with myself I thought I should straight things up once and forever with my in-laws (I doubt about for ever!). So I practiced with myself about what should I say, so it would be effective and at the same time polite.

Yesterday after I went back home from work I talked to my mother-in-law. I said:” I respect you as mother of my husband and you are welcome to be at your son’s house but since they are three brothers and every one should have same share for having you over. I think I would like to invite you to come over every three weeks to stay for one week as long as you are here. The other two weeks is the other brother’s share, they can figure out how they want to do it among themselves, but I like to have some plans and regulations for my own house. In this way I know my plans a head and you know yours as well.” She was kind of surprised and said but what if they have guests or some events going on and they do not want me there. I said they can arrange things around this, they can have guests or events when you are here and if it is not predictable that would of course be fine, if you like to come here, but I hope it won’t happen every week-end!!” I explained: “as you know every body needs her own privacy, even yourself, I am sure back in Iran you prefer to be alone and have your own privacy and independency”. I told her that my husband was not that comfortable when my Mom was here, although she was here to help us with the baby and every thing!! At the end I said:” Please don’t be upset with me. I respect you and don’t mind having you here but I prefer to plan things and avoid any misunderstanding and complications between brothers in future. In this way no one owes any thing to the other one, at least we don’t (because his brothers are the type that always want to say that we do more thing for our Mom and stuff like that. I know it sounds ridiculous!)

At the end she said: “ you are right, we will follow your plan!” I don’t know how much this will work but at least I took it off of my chest and I stood for myself. Although my husband was not too happy about it, he said: “you want to show me you are in power! That’s so typical Iranian man! Typical chauvinist! He is not always a chauvinist but he some times is!! Most of Iranian men may be %99.9 of them don’t like to hear about rules from their wives, especially if it is about their own family! I am sure we have a long way until even well educated ones accept that standing up for ourselves does not mean that we want to be in power or if there is any power to abuse it! And it necessarily brings them down!!