Weak "I" OR Strong "I"?

-I have not been in a very good mood for last couple of weeks. After big try of practicing A New Earth tips and advises I just ran out of motivation and my pain body started to be in control again. (The books say that we all have pain body, which gets created and developed from very early childhood and every negativity, pain and suffer in our life just makes it grow faster. This pain body brings negativity to our mind and controls our mind and thoughts, and then we lose the conscious and get drawn in to the past or future and just miss the present moment which is the true life. The writer says when you become aware of the pain body and understand when pain body starts its work and gets your control that is a step towards awareness!) I knew that my pain body was in control but I was not really fighting it! Some little fights here and there with my husband and some emails from my son’s teacher about his mis-behaving made me feel down and upset, I felt that I had failed in choosing the right partner of my life and I had failed in raising a very good child. Few days ago I just got over myself and decided to push a way the pain body which I know it as negativity. The thing about negativity is that when you get in to it is like trying to swim in the mud and any movement just sinks you more!! Any way although I try hard to be present and be in control of my mind but sometimes I just give in and become very weak. This weakness have been with me on and off in my whole life but I am fighting it. The issues that I try to magnify and make it big for me are not really big issues. I know my husband has some faults, who doesn’t? I have plenty faults myself too, if we have some differences that shows up every once in a while does not mean that he is not the right person for me! If my son misbehaves sometimes which is not sever and in some cultures or countries they don’t even consider talkatively for a child as a misbehavior, that does not mean that I have failed as a parent. We are all in learning process for every subject in every single day of our lives and we all make mistakes. At least I am working on my mistakes. Any way last few days I have been trying to get back to the present mode. The positive mode and push a way my weak “I”. I need my strong “I”!!!!!! I don’t know how many people see their both side of their personalities. But recently I see my both sides very clearly and try to empower the strong side rather than the weak side. Life is too short and I should not really waste it with negative thoughts!
-I and my husband watched Religulous, the new movie of Bill Maher. It is a documentary movie about religions. It is good and I recommend it.
-I already mailed my ballot for election. I accidentally and chose mail ballot option for this year and I saw they have sent my ballot in mail. I thought why not I vote by mail this time. I sent it last week and I voted for Obama. I truly wish he wins.

Election And Economy

The most important subjects in US these days are economy and election. There is no secret that Bush messed up really bad, even republicans are mad at him too!
Any way the election is close and I cannot believe that there are more than 45% people who want to vote for McCain. I believe if someone has an average IQ should realize that McCain is another version of Bush. He is not going to do any better and he is too old for this position any way! I don’t want to even talk about his selected vice president which is another disaster!!!!
I have been watching all the debates so far and following all the election campaigns’ news so far, it is very obvious to me that Obama is a smarter person with better plans and he is clear about what he wants to do. I believe lots of these people who want to vote for McCain have racial issues. They don’t want to vote for Obama because he is half black and his father was a Muslim.
I have a co-worker that is personally a nice person and is very smart but he is republican and wants to vote for McCain , when I asked him what don’t you like about Obama he could not answer clearly and said I think he will push the country towards socialism and then communism!!!!! I said if he wants everyone to have a basic health care is that too bad? Do you know what is socialism is about? It is about a more comfortable and affordable life for middle class and lower class. What is bad about it?? I said do you know how many people end up becoming homeless when they lose their job because there is no support from government? Do you like your family not having health care if you lose your job?
Unfortunately at least half of American people (and majority of people in the world!!) are so shallow and just repeat what they hear from politicians of their party. They don’t think, they don’t read news of the world! Today my coworker was saying again that Iraq war was a good decision and it was good for Iraqis too!!!!! I said do you know how many Iraqis are killed in this war and how many kids are orphan because of this war? Do you think US has right to go anywhere that decides and cause all that problem?? I said Iraq is in a lot worse situation than when Sadam was there!! He said are you sure ? I said go read news from Iraq and Iraqis blog to know what is going on there!!!
I think I have to keep my mouth shut!! If someone does not want to get it, he won’t get it any way.
I wish we all (human beings) would be more thoughtful and would not think that is all about us not others!
I will vote for Obama and I pray for him to win. That would be a great lesson for all that red neck racist people too!!!!!

Upset!

I am just a little bit sad these days. My son as usual is challenging me a lot. He is again in a non-listener mode! He was fine for a while but recently he is more jealous towards his little brother and at school does not listen to the teacher very well. His teacher called me and said “He is talking all the time!!”
I am trying everything that kid’s psychologists recommend like talking to him and giving him all sorts of examples so he understands that he should listen better to making Happy face chart and give him one happy face each day that he is behaving well. When he gets 10 happy faces he will have a prize! We try not to give too much attention to the little one in front of him (poor thing) but still not getting the good result yet, it seems that he goes through phases and now is the bad phase again. My problem is that I am too sensitive about my kid and his behavior and may be my sensitivity makes things worse. Some parents don’t just care that much and they say “he is just a kid! Whatever!!” I wish I could have that attitude! The thing that is he is a difficult child, very smart but difficult and dealing with him is not that easy. I think if my husband and I had married a calmer person, our kid would become calmer as well. We both have short temper; we are both not very patient and also stubborn. My advice to all the single people who read this post is, get married with someone who is calmer than yourself, unless you are very calm yourself. When two short temper, energetic people like us get married not only the conflicts are more but also it affects kids genetically and behavior wise as well.
I guess no one really knows what can be the best choice for marriage until they are already in marriage!! When it is kind of too late any way especially when you already have kids!!
Last night I was upset and sad and I said a cruel thing to my husband, I said “If I would go back to 9 years ago I would not marry you!!”. I really don’t know if I really think so or not, it is hard to say. He is good in lot of ways but can easily go on my nerve too! I guess I am same way as well. Who is perfect any way! No one really!
Sorry for too much nagging! I already feel better though. My blog is my best trapist!!!!