Wednesday, March 30, 2005

My Son is feeling a lot better now and I feel good too. My happiness or sadness depends on his health and appetite a lot. It's amazing that a little creature can change and effect some one's life that much.

Eid (New year holidays) will end in Iran soon. I remember after the first week we would always become upset because the end of holiday was near and we should go back to school.

There was a ceremony in house of Iran in a big park in our city about Persian New Year on last Sunday. They have it every year to make other people familiar with our culture. There are some Iranians that put lots of effort and time on this ceremony. The interesting thing was they had the popular note of big Cyrus, the one that they have it in UN and talks about human rights and equality! Written on stone with a very nice design this year. The mayor of our city un-veiled it.
It is sad that we were so advanced and civilized some day and now our people our suffering because they do not have very basic and simple human rights. Some people believe the history and power rotates in world, May be some time soon it comes back to us again but I doubt it!!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

New year

I don’t want to be complainer or nagger but I should confess that I have not started a very pleasant new year!
Saturday and Sunday was very busy and tiring I tried to take care of every thing at home along with taking care of baby and attending New Year parties! My Mother-In-Law called and invited herself to our place for two weeks. I knew she would come but I needed some time alone after my Mom left. That kind of bothered me but I could not say any thing then my Son got very sick since Sunday night. He never got this sick before.
He has had fever on and off and I stayed two days at home with him. Yesterday I took him to the Dr and when we came back home I felt so lonely and absence of my Mom really hit me! I started crying and my son was so surprised to see me crying may be in his little mind, adults should not cry and crying is just for the babies. I realized something though, that I could not be a housewife, I would get depressed easily! I hope he gets better fast and I get recovered from my mild depression.
The only New Year that I was depressed was 7 years ago when I had a really bad
break up with some one that I used to love back in Iran. I remember that new year. That was about time that I decided to move to United States! I decided to have a new start and I did it!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

My Mom left yesterday. My husband took her to Los Angeles since she was flying from there. We could not both go with her because we couldn’t be both out of town, in case some thing would happen for my son at day care. I picked the baby up and then when we got home we both went to her room first. I felt so sad, it seemed that a part of the house was missing. I tried to make myself busy with the baby and house stuff but was choking in my throat! House seemed to be too big just for three of us last night.

I know that’s the way life is, we need to be on our own and I need to take over every thing and discipline myself more. Our new year is coming just in 3 days and I wish I could be in Iran. I remember those years in Iran when we were so excited for New Year to come so we would go to north by Caspian Sea and we had so much fun!
We will celebrate New Year with family and friends here but I miss my Mom this year, she was with us last year!

I am a big girl with a little fragile heart!

Saturday, March 12, 2005

My Mom is leaving

My Mom is leaving next week on Wednesday and I already feel very sad. She was such a great help and more important than that I had her all this time to talk to. She was such a good ear for all my complaints, opinions, gossips, and …
My son is so attached to my Mom too, actually my mom raised him and she did a very good job. No one is like a caring and loving Mom! The other thing is that our National new year (Nowrouz ) is around the corner I would love to have her here for Nowrouz but she is right, she better go and use the holiday time to visit her relatives in Shiraz.
Usually around this time of year I miss Iran a lot. The excitement of New Year, and you can smell the spring everywhere. All the stores are full of people shopping for New Year and kids are so happy to have some time off from school plus all the presents they receive. The presents are usually cash, which I think is even better!
I used to go to Tajrish Square with my Mom the day before New Year for all sorts of grocery shopping. It was absolutely beautiful the way the stores would set up the fruit, fish, vegetable,.. I used to enjoy the colors and people excitement. Here in US Iranians celebrate Nowrouz enthusiastically and we have all sorts of events going on especially in Southern California, but the big difference is although we have all these celebrations but it just does not feel like Iran, you cannot smell the spring the way you do it there!
Oh I am becoming home sick now.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Today's Marriage life

I met a very nice girl through one of the relatives last year around this time and I really liked her to be a new friend of mine especially that she is as old as me and has a little son who is just one month younger than mine. I met her husband at my son’s birthday party and he seemed to be a very cool guy same age as my husband. I was happy to find a friend with same family condition. Since I have moved to US I have found couple of new friends but none of them were exactly my match. I was lucky to have my two best friends from Iran living here just one hour away. Any way we invited each other’s over any now and then along with our families, but I always felt although she looks to be a good match with her husband but she is not happy deep inside. She called me yesterday and said that they want to sell their house, I said: ”there is a house in our street for sale. That would be great if you move to our neighborhood” and then she said we are separating, I know it sounds shocking but I have thought a lot and I can not live with my husband any more. She was saying that her husband is a very nice and respectful man but is not the husband she wants! I said: “What about your son? Have you thought about him and his future?” she said: “I have thought about it. I think it is better for us to split especially now that he is so young and he can adjust himself fast.” She said: “ I do not want to stay in a marriage that I am not happy in and when I become 50 years old, regret it that why I lost all my good years”.
I could not take off my mind from what she said and am still thinking about it. I understand that there are lots of issues and problems that no one can know except the husband and wife themselves and it is very hard to judge the situation but what a but the little kid?
When we make such a big decision we are not just deciding for ourselves, we are making decision for an innocent person that if he could decide for himself most probably he would not approve our choice. I hear people get divorce a lot recently while they have kids and you can tell that those kids are not happy. Isn’t that selfish? What people are looking for? A perfect life? Does such a thing exist anywhere?
I don’t know much about my friend’s case but I am guessing that she is bored with her marriage and she is looking for a more exciting and happening life. I hope I am wrong but if this is the case, she is making a big mistake. It crosses every couple or most couples to split when they are mad at each other or having a though time but when we have kids we should compromise more, try to look at the good points of our marriage and be more realistic. I myself sometime have struggled with my marriage and I am sure I will struggle in future too but I always imagine my son’s beautiful face with that gorges smile and re-think and calm myself down.
Lots of people that I know around myself and have got divorce (I am talking about ones that they apparently do not have very big issues such as cheating, drug addiction, … and their problems are mostly personal problems) get divorce because they picture a perfect life after separation for themselves, they think they will live freely and will meet new people, will do new things, will go to new places, …
Anyway I really do not know what is the best, sacrificing for kids or saving us. May be it is different for every case!I met a very nice girl through one of the relatives last year around this time and I really liked her to be a new friend of mine especially that she is as old as me and has a little son who is just one month younger than mine. I met her husband at my son’s birthday party and he seemed to be a very cool guy same age as my husband. I was happy to find a friend with same family condition. Since I have moved to US I have found couple of new friends but none of them were exactly my match. I was lucky to have my two best friends from Iran living here just one hour away. Any way we invited each other’s over any now and then along with our families, but I always felt although she looks to be a good match with her husband but she is not happy deep inside. She called me yesterday and said that they want to sell their house, I said: ”there is a house in our street for sale. That would be great if you move to our neighborhood” and then she said we are separating, I know it sounds shocking but I have thought a lot and I can not live with my husband any more. She was saying that her husband is a very nice and respectful man but is not the husband she wants! I said: “What about your son? Have you thought about him and his future?” she said: “I have thought about it. I think it is better for us to split especially now that he is so young and he can adjust himself fast.” She said: “ I do not want to stay in a marriage that I am not happy in and when I become 50 years old, regret it that why I lost all my good years”.
I could not take off my mind from what she said and am still thinking about it. I understand that there are lots of issues and problems that no one can know except the husband and wife themselves and it is very hard to judge the situation but what a but the little kid?
When we make such a big decision we are not just deciding for ourselves, we are making decision for an innocent person that if he could decide for himself most probably he would not approve our choice. I hear people get divorce a lot recently while they have kids and you can tell that those kids are not happy. Isn’t that selfish? What people are looking for? A perfect life? Does such a thing exist anywhere?
I don’t know much about my friend’s case but I am guessing that she is bored with her marriage and she is looking for a more exciting and happening life. I hope I am wrong but if this is the case, she is making a big mistake. It crosses every couple or most couples to split when they are mad at each other or having a though time but when we have kids we should compromise more, try to look at the good points of our marriage and be more realistic. I myself sometime have struggled with my marriage and I am sure I will struggle in future too but I always imagine my son’s beautiful face with that gorges smile and re-think and calm myself down.
Lots of people that I know around myself and have got divorce (I am talking about ones that they apparently do not have very big issues such as cheating, drug addiction, … and their problems are mostly personal problems) get divorce because they picture a perfect life after separation for themselves, they think they will live freely and will meet new people, will do new things, will go to new places, …
Anyway I really do not know what is the best, sacrificing for kids or saving us. May be it is different for every case!