Glance of future

My husband and me had couple of arguments in last couple of days and as usual they all had been over stupid things. I know all the marriages have up and down! Some times every thing is mellow and sweet and sometimes is all about bitterness! Any way the wartime is not fun and makes me very tired! I know it is temporary but I think to myself what is the use of getting married, when you are single for sure you have less headache and it just you to worry about but when you are married and especially when you have kid, you yourself, are not that important any more it's all about compromise and sacrifice. Sometime I feel I don't even have that much choice for watching TV, except very few shows that we both like, most of the time I don't like to watch what my husband likes to watch! but I am tired of keep mentioning that!
Ok I am nagging a lot these days I know!
You know what would be great that we could have a glance of our future based on different choices in early young ages, for instance when I was 20 I could pick three different men and see my future with any of them in a glance ( there was a movie like that, Family Man!) and then I would decide what would be the best choice or pick 3 different job and would have a glance of my future with each job and then decide what would be my career! Don’t you think that's a cool idea!!I know realistically no, it is not a good idea because if we knew what would be our future like, life would be even more boring!!

New post!

Ok, I am over some of the stupid useless thoughts and memories. Fortunately I am back to my normal path again.
It’s amazing how our brain works, some times goes out of our control and leads us to some obsessions that we really want to avoid! When we deeply look into human being’s nature and structure we see how complicated it is and for me that is a big sing of god’s
Hand in our life and creature!

My Mother-in-law is back from Iran , she left two months ago and she is back now.
She is staying with my younger brother-in-law for now! Any way she has brought two Cartoon DVDs from Iran, “Madreseh Mooshha” and “Shangool & mangool” ( famous Iranian cartoons, more like theater type of cartoon, that I used to watch when I was a kid and I think there are still popular) for my son. He loves them so much, actually my son’s Farsi is better than his English, may be because we talk to him in Farsi all the time, so he does not have any problem understanding them and he enjoys it a lot.
I was so excited yesterday when I saw him enjoying the cartoons that I was watching all the time when I was a kid. I hope he keeps his interest in Iranian culture and language when he becomes an adult too. Most of the kids that are born and raised here talk Farsi when they are kid but as soon as they become a teenager they rather speak just in English! And they become all American! I think that is great to absorb both cultures strong points and values and be able to talk perfectly in both languages! I will try my best to keep him interested in Iranian culture as much as possible!!

Not pleasant memory

Life is going on, there is not much highlights in my life these days, just routine days. I already miss vacationing! We spent so much on the last one so we should wait for a while. For some reason, I flash back to some unpleasant memories of my life these days without any special reason. Actually I read an unpleasant email that was written to me few years a go and has a long story, I had archived that email but accidentally read it again and from that moment some bad memories related to the letter and some other ones came back to my mind, You know some time your mind just goes to negative path and something going on, in the back of your mind without you wanting it there! I know I sound weird but I just think back and think about things that I don't like or there is no use in thinking about them any more. Stuff that are way past and have nothing to do with today! May be I am going crazy! I believe that thinking about past is useless and we should focus on now and plan for future but back of my mind is not united with me now. I know that I will go back to normal path very soon! Any way some times we become vulnerable and sensitive but that will pass, we should just try to put a stop on negative thoughts!! I have always tried to lead a decent, honest life but like any one else I have made some personal mistakes. There are some mistakes that if I would go back I would definitely not make them again. But I guess that is part of life, you make mistake and you learn from it! Sorry for my nonsense post but writing about it helps me get over the bothering feelings!!

Politics

I usually try to avoid writing about politics and talk more about myself but there are two things just on my mind that I cannot avoid talking about them today.
A Shariff University (The best Technical university of Iran that just very smart students can get in) student has written about her 24 hours stay in US along with some of her classmates. Who had came to take part in a reunion with other classmates that live in US at San Francisco University and they all had valid visa.
I had heard in news that they deported some Iranians with visa back to Iran and Europe in last couple of weeks but I did not know the details. In this student?s letter which has been published in some newspapers, I read more terrible details that made me strongly upset. The immigration officers took them to the immigration section at the San Francisco airport and explained to them that they had order to revoke their visas and they could not enter US. Although they had valid visa but according to international law even if you have valid visa an immigration officer every where in the world can stop you from entering to his country based on some facts like security issues or other things and they can deport you but the very sad part of the Shariff?s students deportation is that since there was no flight back to Iran right a way and officers said they could not keep them in the airport at night, they checked them in to jail!! This part was awful; they treated them like criminals and kept them in jail for one night until the next day that they could fly back to Iran!
I felt so bad that they treated some intelligent, innocent people like that! It seems security has pushed all the humanitarian borders these days! They could just keep them in the airport over night but sending them to jail was way too much to me! Any way I am so sorry for what has happened to these groups of students and I hope it will never happen to any body from any country again.
Of course they can decide who enters to the country and who not but they should treat them respectfully not as a criminal! By the way I heard that the Iranian lawyers association and some Iranian professors are following up on this and they even sent letter to the secretary of state!

The other thing was the interview that CBS journalist had with President Ahmadinejad,
I watched the whole interview and I could not believe how Mr. President answered most of questions with another question from the reporter, it was like he was playing a game with him! And the funniest part was the part that he started counting US problems, like how many illiterate US has, how many percentage of unemployment, etc.
He talked like he is the president of Switzerland with a great peaceful country and no problem at all! How a president from a country full of economical problems, oppositions, unemployment, high rate of prostitution, drug addiction etc can sit and judge other countries like that!!!

For sure we need god's help with these interesting leaders that are ruling the world these days!!

Friendship

Today I want to talk about my friends and friendship. Some thing that has been on my mind recently.
In last ten years, all of my close friends have moved out of IRAN. Fortunately my best friend that I know her since we were 10 years old lives just one hour a way from me in Orange County and another close friend of mine lives in same area as well, I have other friends in Canada, Germany and Italy! I am very good at keeping in touch with friends and I always try to send email, or sometimes call especially on their Birthdays so I won?t loose contact with them. I have made some new friends here too, but the friends that you know from school time and grow with you are different.

However, I wish I had all my friends here in my town and close to me like long time ago in Iran. I really care for friendship but these days I feel that true meaning of friendship is changed to lots of people, or may be the busy life style of today life has changed it?s meaning!
For instance I and my best friend that lives one hour a way have been always very close. She always was there for me whenever I needed her and I was always there for her too but lots of things changed in her life in last couple of years that I believe those events changed her as well. She moved to US before me and got married here. She was not happy in her marriage life from the beginning although she got married because of love. Her and her husband would not get a long well and they had lots of differences, any way long story short after five years of constant struggle, she got divorced and it was a nasty divorce! Any way after her divorce, she started to hang out with single people mainly divorced girls and her life style was single life style. I was happy for her to be able to get back on her own and become happy again, She met a guy that from the beginning I knew it was not right for her and I told her but she did not listen (after two years of relationship they broke up.), any way she would spend most of her free time hanging out with her single friends or her boy friend which I completely understand. We would see each other less often, I know that I have a busy life and since I have a little kid my schedule is tight but I always have time to see my friend for couple hours and have a coffee and chit chat. Any way My friend is dating some one else now and they are very serious and I hope this guy is the right guy for her and they end up getting married since that?s what she wants, but we don?t see each other as much, we have not seen each other for 4 months now. She rather spends all her free time with her new boy friend. I understand her situation and if that makes her happy, I am happy for her too but I think we can always set aside some time for our friends too. When I was engaged with my husband and she was married I always set aside time to see her and be in contact with her. Although we don?t see each other often I always care a lot about her and love her as a sister but I have come to conclusion that when you are married and have your own family your husband and your kid are your best friends, other friendships become relative and especially if you have single friends they rather hangout with singles because it is more fun and they can be more available and they are more flexible!

So over the years people change because of the different changes in their lives and that definitely affect their personalities and their relationships, they still remain your friends but your friendship changes for sure! And this is another fact of life that you learn by time! Some thing else that I have learned and I should confess is that men in general or at least the men that I know around me, are better in keeping balance with their friendships and their girl friend, fianc鬠etc. They don?t keep distant with their old friends because they are in relationship with a woman. Girls, especially Iranian girls sacrifice every thing else around them because they are in love or involved with a guy! Again I am talking about the girls that I know I am sure not every one is like that.
Any way I love my friends and I care for them but I think my true friends are my family
My husband, my son and my mother now!

Blog Anniversary

Two days a go my blog became 2 years old. I cannot believe that it is two years that I am blogging. It?s like my second child! I have written about my sadness, worries, happiness and every thing that has been thought provoking to me in my blog. It?s been like talking to a psychologist for me.
Whenever I have been sad or upset writing about my feelings helped me to get over the emotions at the moment. Plus I have enjoyed the few reader?s comments that I usually get. Jan has been the first reader of my blog and always supportive. I have used his advises in my real life. I have had more readers since last year which makes me happy to see other people are interested in reading my thoughts, opinions and feelings and give me comments and advises.
Anyway I really like to continue blogging as long as I am alive and may be someday will share it with my son. I am sure that it would be interesting for him to know more about inner me!

Thank you all for reading my blog, I know that sometimes is boring but I am so happy to have you as my virtual friends!!

Crazy Thoughts

My son likes his new pre-school a lot! Thank god!
The only thing is that I should prepare his next day lunch every day. I am very picky about his food so I want to make fresh, nutritious food which takes time to make. Imagine the scene that I have come back from work tired, he wants my attention and I want to make something ready for dinner and cook his next day lunch as well! Some times I think being a working Mom is not fair to the Mom and neither to the child! Although I try my best to spend all my time when I am not at work with him but I always have the guilt feeling that I am not with him, as much as he wants and I want. The thing is I could not be a stay home Mom either! I like to work and be productive, and more important than that I love my job. I really enjoy doing it! But I wish I could make it part time so I had my job and more free time for my son and house work. My husband tries to help but he needs to be pushed for helping, I should always remind him that I need help.

Last night when I was tired and overwhelmed, a stupid thought came to my mind.
I had few good rich ?khastegars?( the men that wanted to marry me in traditional way in Iran) in Iran, but I did not like any of them and they were not my type, on the other side I wanted to move out of Iran and come here!! I was thinking to myself last night(I know I sound very stupid by writing my thoughts, but I feel free to write any thing I feel in my blog) may be I should have married a rich khastegar and had easy life in Iran, may be living like this in country like US was not the right choice!!
I don?t believe in those thoughts at all it was just a thought jumping to my head in a moment of exustsion! I could not be just a wife to a rich guy and limit my life to inside the walls! I love to be equal, produce and be challenged! May be I could be a stay home mom here too, but we would have a more limited life and I would be bored to death! Any way these were my crazy thoughts! By the way I respect any body that likes to be a stay home Mom or choose to get married with a rich guy and don?t bother to work! I did not mean to offend any one here!
However my husband is not rich but has a decent income! My expectation of life is higher than that and the life style in US makes every one men and women work, so I work to have extra money and satisfy my own pride!!

I should say that if I win the lotto though, I won?t work and I will forget about being productive and contribute to the society, may be I do some volunteer work in orphanage or hospital to keep remembering the real world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!