New year's resolutions

My New Year resolutions:

I am thinking these days that what should be my new year resolution and the first thing that comes to my mind is being less worry, be more laid back and just take it more easy in life. I always have been a worry person, I usually picture the worst case scenario and think too much about out come of every thing, but recently I have been working on myself to think more positive and get worry when something bad really happens.
The other thing that should be in the list of my new year’s resolution is do my prayers more regularly. I have been really lazy about my prayers. Praying makes me feel so good and strong I should do it as I used to do before.

Last Thursday me and my husband took a break from home and went for a dinner and movie. We went to watch Meet the Fockers, the continuation of Meet the parents, it was so funny but behind the funny scenes and funny words there was a deep message: ”Take it easy and enjoy the life”. If you had read the stress piece that I wrote last week you know that I was really over-stressed but I really felt better after watching that movie.
I told myself “I really should be less worry and more happy”. I got another sad lesson when I saw the news about South Asia earth quake I truly feel sorry for all the people who are suffering from this disaster.
When I look deep into it I see that every moment is precious and god knows what happens next. We should live the moment and don’t suffer in advance. I wish all those poor people to be helped and comforted as soon as possible. God Bless them.

Ocean

Stress

I am stressed out and there are bunch of reasons for that. The first reason is My Mother- in-law, she has come from Iran and she is planning to stay for seven Months! Yes Seven months. They are three brothers and she will be more with my younger brother-in-law and us. The thing is whenever she comes she goes on my nerve. She always has comments and opinions about every thing! She is very lazy, always wants to be served and lots of other thing!!
God know how I will deal with this situation for next 7 months!!

The other thing is my job, they are talking to out-source us to contractors, which is not finalized and approved yet. My boss believes it won’t happen, but if it happens I will feel as a big looser, because I had a great job before this job, I was paid more and it was a more growing job, but since this was a government job, my husband and every one around me encouraged me to quit the pervious one and accept the offer, they all believed the government job is more secure!! Yeah right!!

And finally I should put my baby in Day Care/pre School. Since my mom is going back to Iran I should put him earlier so he can get used to it, I do not want him to face two big change at the same time ( my mom’s absence and pre-school) and the pre- schools or day cares have long waiting list I cannot miss the chance now, may be they won’t have room for him later. I feel sad about it, I hope he can adjust fast. I know it is good for him, especially because English is not our native language, he needs to learn that in school.

I don’t know, some times I think I wish I had the chance to stay home with him until he becomes 5 years old! But I need to work, may be we should have chosen a more simple life so we did not need my income! But what would happen to my career??

I don’t know, I have mixed feelings these days and I am stressed! I am actually over whelmed.

Motherhood

Last night I did not sleep well because my son was kind of fussy. He had the 18 months shot the day before and I think it was the body reaction that made him fussy.
Recently he does not sleep in his crib because it is too small for him, not that the crib is small it suppose to be good even till 3 years old but my son just moves around so mush so he wakes up a lot if he sleeps in his crib so I put a mattress on the ground and fill around it with pillows and blankets so if he moves around he won’t be on the ground.

Sometime he sleeps from 8:00 pm to 5:00 am, he wakes up at 5 to have some milk and then go back to sleep. Sometimes like last night is not that easy, he woke up around 2:00 pm and I woke up as soon as I heard him crying I tried to calm him down and it took me one hour to put him back to sleep he was trying to be as close as possible to me and I could feel he feels a lot better when he is in my arms. Some books say you should just let kids cry until they fall asleep, so they will be independent! I can not really get it, when your kid needs you, you should be there for him, when you can make him feel comfortable and secure of course you should not hesitate to do that. I do not agree with parents that bring their kids to their own bedroom and share the bed with them but when your kid needs you, you can go to his room and sleep next to him to make him feel comfortable.

Motherhood is such a amazing thing, before I became mother I was so fussy about my sleep time, if my husband would wake up to go to bathroom and he made noises I would become mad that why he was not careful enough and woke me up, or if someone called late and woke me up I would become very mad, but now my son wakes me up even 3 times a night sometimes and I run to his room with love and adoring words and try to give him as much love as I can and make him sure that I am there for him. Motherhood has changed me a lot!! I love the feeling of love that I have for my son, it is not comparable to any other kind of love!! I really enjoy every bit of it although being mother is sometimes very tiring but a smile from him pays it off!!

Now I understand this sentence that I have heard a lot that says” A woman becomes complete when she becomes mother”!! (no offense to women who are not yet mothers or decided not be one).

Christmas

I cannot believe this year is very close to end. This was the fastest year ever for me.
I guess when we get older (specially after 30), years pass faster and faster, like time is in a constant competition with us all the time. Sometimes I can not believe that I am 31 years old woman who is wife, mother and has social roles as well. I feel it was just yesterday that I was a little girl who was so eager to see his father because he always had something very unique and interesting for her. My dad used to go to lots of business trips and every time he came back he would surprise me with a new toy, something that none of my friends would have even my very rich cousins. I used to be so proud of it.

My dad passed a way when I was 18 years old, I think I became adult when I faced that my first real disaster of life. It was so sudden and shocking. I always miss him in my heart. I did not mean to write about him today, I just wanted to write about time and holiday season but something leaded me to that direction. That thing is my missing feeling for him, that’s funny I still envy people that their fathers are alive! I wish mine was alive too.I think we need our parents and their love and attention as long as we live.

Ok, let’s stop crying and continue the main subject. I love Christmas, although it is not our custom but I really enjoy this holiday season and all of its lights, colors and happiness. The only thing is I feel bad for poor people and lonely people. This season should be very painful for them.

There was a station to collect toys for little kids this morning in front of my office building. I went to the toys store in front of our office at my lunch break and bought a Barbe doll and a red truck for a girl and a boy. I gave it to the nice and polite soldiers that were collecting the toys. I hope that brings smile to two little faces!

I don’t like to show off or talk about something may be good that I have done but I look at my weblog as my online diary and my only reader is Jan, who I assume as a friend of mine! Who won’t judge me for it!

Anniversary of...

Last Sunday was the anniversary of my migration to US. I remember when I moved to US in November 1998 and I was not even sure that it was the best decision; I remember that my Mom tried her best to stop me. I had a good job in Iran and lots of friends who have mostly left Iran in last 6 years. I had visited US once in 1996 and that time was just for vacation, although my brother insisted that I should stay but I had just graduated from university and I was willing to work for my own country! Plus I was so attached to my Mom. After 2 years working in my own country and have some not pleasant experiences
In my social life and personal life I came to conclusion that I needed to live more freely, I needed to have all human rights that are very simple but was kept away from me. My brother on the other hand was encouraging me to move to US and I made my final decision although my heart was still not that happy with my decision. It is very hard to move, moving from your own root, memories and … but I knew I should take my chance I thought to myself if I DON’T DO IT NOW MAY BE I REGRET IT WHEN I AM 40 YEARS OLD AND THAT WOULD BE TOO LATE!

Any way I was lucky to obtain the visa and I moved here, I had such a hard time in first year, living with my brother and his family was more difficult than I had thought plus not being permanent resident made it very hard to find job. I remember that almost every week I decided to go back to Iran and when I wrote email to my friends in Iran and nag about my situation they all told me you are crazy if you come back and I would change my mind again, this situation continued until I could find a company who sponsored me for work and I met my husband every thing changed for me so fast I got my own apartment and shortly after got engaged!! It is six years now and my life has changed a lot. I used to miss Iran a lot in the beginning, I still do but day by day I got more used to my life here I got more used to my freedom. I started appreciating all human rights that this society was offering to me. I started enjoying my equal opportunities at work. I learned that they want you if you are smart and hard worker it does not really matter if you have a little bit of accent or your hair color is dark. Of course I was very lucky to start in a very civilized state and city, not everywhere in US is as civilized and open minded as California!

Here has it’s own faults and problems too, of course no where is perfect, some thing that we as eastern people miss in western societies is the closeness we have between us (although this too much closeness is sometimes pain in the neck!!) the passion for helping each other and the care and love we have for each other, people here are more self centered they spend time for you if they feel like it and if they are free, they hardly sacrifice their own comfort for others but we Iranian mostly (of course we have self centered people too) sacrifice our own comfort and time for a friend, family or a total stranger and feel so good about it! Being emotional is a plus and at the same time barrier for us. I wish we could mix all good characteristics of all societies and create a perfect one! But life would be less challenging!! I love challenges my self!