Marriage

There is a 24 hours Persian radio station broadcasting from LA, which has some interesting programs like a psychological program that is performed by a very famous Persian psychologist who is very respectful among Iranian community not just in US but all around the world. I believe one of the reasons that this Persian station KIRN 670 am that can be accessed through Internet and satellite is this program. His name is
Dr. Holakooi, I myself respect him a lot and I think he is a genius. Any way he has program between 3:00 pm to 5:00 pm every afternoon, so when I get out of the work around 3:30 pm I listen to his program on my way home. It is very interesting program, people call him and talk about all sorts of problems that they have, some family issues, some child raising issues, etc.

I myself have learned a lot from him, although I hardly ever have had time to listen to a full session. Yesterday an Iranian Lady who lives in Canada called and said that she was 33 years old and divorced and she has just met some one through Internet, they sent pictures for each other and talked on the phone. She was saying that the guy started telling her from the second day that he loves her and he knows she is the one!!
Now it is about a week that they talk on the phone and chat through Internet and the guy wants her to travel to US (where the guy lives) and be her guest, he is willing to pay for the flight, hotel and every thing.
Her question was is it OK to travel to US and meet the guy! Dr Holakooie said “how come he fell in love with you so quick, it must be some thing wrong with him, no body can fall in love from long distance so quick. You need to get to know him more before traveling to US and meeting him. You need to at least wait 2 more months and get more information about his life, job, etc”
The lady said I am 33 years old and alone; I really want to get married and start a family!! Dr said but you can wait two more months to have a baby!!! Which sounded really funny.

Any way I felt bad for that lady.Why most of us (women) are so desperate to get married and have kids. I myself was the same way, I really did not care that much about getting married before 25 but as soon as I turned 25, I got concerned which was really stupid, part of it was because of people around me like my own family and relatives. Specially in Iran people keep asking you after certain age why don’t you get married, when we come to your wedding? and stupid things like that. This makes some girls really nervous.

I moved to US at 25 and met my husband when I was 26, he is a good husband although he has his own faults like me and every body else but he can be categorized as a good man. I am glad I have family of my own but we can be alone and still have a happy life, a good marriage is very good but jumping in to a marriage just because we want to be married and have kids is really wrong. When I was in Iran I used to think that western girls are not that much concern about getting married but since I moved here I found out even American girls like to get married and start family by 30, which makes sense, since naturally is better for women to have kids under 35 or maximum 40, but should we really ruin our life and future and jump to a marriage because natural clock says that? Is every one material of marriage?

I think we should really learn how to be happy and take wise ways to make our life happier not just listen to people that really do not care that much about our life. I know men are concerned about getting married and start family too, but women show a lot more fuss about it. I know some women that they really do not like kids and they cannot be good mothers but they get married and get pregnant because of people around them don’t say “oh that girl is torshide”(some woman that is old and not married yet). I think if in all societies people marry for right reasons not just because of what other say or just because they are getting older, the divorce rates will go down effectively.

Another reason that some women get married fast or in early age is financial support, they need a man to support them and make them feel secure. I think this is the time that we should really try to become as independent as we can. Getting married for financial reasons can be very destructive in a woman life. What if some thing happens to the man or they get divorce? Some women even end up becoming prostitute because they lose their man’s support and they are so dependent that cannot do any thing but being a prostitute specially in poor countries and we see it or hear about it in Iran these days here and there.

I really wish for the day that people (Women and men) get married for right reason!

Ocean

To work or Not to work!

They moved us to 12th floor today that are the floor that our director, chief and head of HR are located, so we can be observed by them all the time. Worse than that, our director will be on the top of my head any minute! Now I should be very careful when I check my Yahoo email account or open some web logs to read. I really wish I would win the lotto and could stay at home and not to work. Although I like my job but still it is working for someone else, and it makes me separated from my son.

May be we should have kept our life simpler, we could live in an ordinary neighborhood in a 3-bedroom house so I would stay home and take care of my son. The bad thing about my major is, if I don’t work for 2 to 3 years nobody wants to hire me any more. I will get so behind of technology!

Sometimes I really do not know what is more important in life, having a career, so if god forbids something happens to my husband or like some couples after certain years we get divorce, at least I have a career that can take care of me and my son or staying home be with a full time Momy. I don’t know I am one of those ones that want to have every thing at the same time “ ham khoda ro mikham ham khorma”. I want to have a nice house, live in good neighborhood, have career and spend lots of time with my baby, with my husband’s salary alone which is not really low, still we can not afford it. The problem is we both like fancy things!!

Deep in my heart I know being with my son full time is the most important thing but I should be careful for future too, I have seen women that do not work and depend on their husbands and then when something happens to the man they really can not manage their lives, or when the man chits on them or do all sorts of cruel things to them, they can not get divorce because they can not afford it, specially in Iran, at least here you can make the man to give you half of the belongings and get some alimony, but even here if the guy is very clever and gets a good lawyer, the woman can not do much. So may be the conclusion is to continue to work and be thankful for having a job! Or may be god listens to me one of these days and I win the lotto!!!

Lottory

I bought Lotto ticket today again, it is Wednesday and the lotto’s value is $73,000,000. Just imagine how much money it is. As usual I started dreaming what will I do if I win the lotto, I feel, even thinking about it is enjoyable. I promised my self to do some volunteer works every now and then, like working in hospital and definitely help poor people specially women as much as I can. “shotor dar khab binad panbeh daneh, gahi lop lop khorad gah daneh daneh”!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sad Interview

I was watching Apadana channel, one of the Iraninan stations on Satelite on Sunday night.
It was showing interviews with prostitutes and drug addicts in Iran, I felt so bad; I could not stop thinking about it after the program for couple of hours. Some of these girls were so pretty and young, one of them was saying that she was betrayed by her love and then she decided to suicide and finally ran a way from home and end up being a prostitute. I know some young people do not care about being virgin any more or even some men in Iran, of course young generations may care less about a girl’s virginity, but I think one of the big issues that helps girls to end up being a prostitute besides the poverty is virginity issue. Some of these girls or most of them wanted or unwanted lose their virginity and they are so scared from their parents, brothers, … and they think the best solution is running a way. When they run a way there is no job, no shelter and they end up in the street in the big cities and when they are hungry with no roof on their head they have no other choice. But in west even if a girl loses her virginity, it is not a big deal she can move on, get a job or continue education and she does not need to pay for one time mistake for the rest of her life!

Please do not get me wrong I am not encouraging non-virginity and am not an anti virgin woman but that should be a personal choice even in free societies like U.S some girls decide to stay virgin until they get married which is very respectful but making it this big deal that loosing it ruins someone’s life is so stupid. Why men should not be virgin, even if we are following religion, men should stay virgin too so the problem is our chauvinist culture that every thing is fine for men but a big sin for women.

I believe we need a big change in our culture, women should be equal with men but unfortunately some young women think being equal means sleep around with whoever and using drugs so they feel equal, No I think when we can become equal that we try our best to educate ourselves, fight for our rights and be strong in dealing with different kind of problems that society creates for us. Why loose up in sex or drug, try harder to get better jobs, entering universities, become a writer, lawyer, etc…
I know some people will laugh at me and say “nafasesh az jaye garm boland mishe” but we had lots of well educated people coming from poor families, if there is a will every thing is possible, it is more difficult to reach high goals in societies like Iran but it is not impossible!

One day Vaction

Hi,

It was a while that I had felt that I needed a break from home, my baby and every thing, just having one night good sleep without bing waken up at least two times. I told my husband what about having a one day vacation, my Mom will take care of the baby and he agreed. I found a very nice resort in Dana point and we took off the Friday, we headed towards the Dana point and got there around 3:30 pm, it was the first time after 14 months that we were getting a way without our baby, all the way along we were talking about him and remebering his new cute little actions and stuff. We wanted to go by the beach but decided to just lie down by the pool and have two clod drinks, it was like a blessing just to lie down and do nothing and not running after the little devil!

I missed him though but still enjoying my free time like those days that we did not have any kid and were free to go any were and do any thing.

we went to Laguna beach for the dinner, we were looking for an Italian resturaunt but the one we chose was not that great but we had a great time. we watched the Olympic strat show and enjoyed it alot, when it was Iran turn I got upset that I saw oly one woman in the group but I got really happy to see women from Afganistan I felt so good that they do not suffer from Tliban any more I really wish all women in midle east and the whole world reach the real freedom some day which is not just being uncovered, no it is a lot more than that, it is the feeling of being equal to men, the feeling of bing respected as a human being not the second citizen. I really pray for that day.

Any way after dinner we decided to go back to the hotel although we were invited by a freind to go to a bar, we both felt we needed the rest, we were not acting young, having kids make you act like retired people sometime!

We had a great lunch at Caspian (chelo kabab) and headed back home. I really missed my son. it was a good short vacation.

Why I start a weblog

Hi,
It is very interesting why I decided to start writing a web log. About two weeks a go I did not really have that much to do at work and usually on Friday afternoons nobody feels like working here (in US), I started surfing internet and went on I think it was gooya.com and I saw a link to WomeninIran, I clicked on it and I saw a big list of Iranian women web logs, I started from the first one, Khorshid Khanoom and it sounded interesting to me I read some of her archive ones and I felt I could relate to it a lot. Especially because I used to live in Ekbatan when I was in elementary school and middle school and she is living in US now and I live here too, I have been here about six years now. Any way I read Zeitoon and Neda web logs too and enjoyed them, specially Zeitoon. I thought with myself that I always loved to write why not now, I can start with a web log, I was thinking to write in Farsi first but I thought with Farsi fonts and stuff, it would be hassle. Any way I just have started. This is my second time writing and I have already asked WomeninIran web site if they can put my link in their web site since it is in English I do not know if they are really interested in doing that.

First Day

Hi,

This is the first time that I have started to write my web log. Actullay the thing that ncouraged me to this was that I read some Iranin women web log and enjoyed them a lot. I always liked to write, but never had enough time and courage for it. I decided just start with my own web log
and see how can I manage it. Just writing my own thoughts and share it with others.

I will come back with more talks soon.