Talked to my Mom

I called my Mom today. Since she has gone back to Iran I talk to her 2 to 3 times a week and it make me feel really good. We keep each other updated on news and gossips! She has decided to move to US. She is planning to rent a place and start a new life here, which will be great for her and me both. I love to have her here but she should be independent and have her own privacy in this way she will never feel that she is extra person in my house or my brother’s house and she will save her pride and respect. When I see my mother-in-law and how she has been disrespected I feel truly sorry for he. She is although %100 responsible for that. She can buy or rent a place here and be independent as well but she wants to be at her sons houses so she can observe things and interfere, … Any way this is a good lesson for all of us at least for me that never live a life to be dependent on my son and never expect too much from him. I think that’s a weak part of our (Iranian) culture that when we get old we expect too much from our kids, regardless of their life style and situation. It is very nice to take care of parents as much as we can but bottom line is every one needs privacy and independency! I do not agree to put parents in nursery or any thing like that when they get old but it is good for them to live by their own in their own place as far as they can handle it, but I don’t like to put my Mom or even my mother-in-law in nursery so I get rid of them I think that is cruel, although some old people in US or Europe prefer that but it’s too much for our culture! I think any one should have plan for retirement time, unfortunately most of Iranians do not have such a plan and they end of living with their own kids even if they can be on their own and after a while every one gets frustrated and a bad situation comes up. I really wish I can live as far as I can take care of myself and be on my own!!

Try to be Posotive again!

I was upset and down in last weekend because my son was not feeling good and was nagging a lot and was crying almost all day Saturday. I was frustrated and did not know what to do, but today I feel better because I thought with myself that I should be stronger than that, I should not let that these little things make me mad that easy. There are people in the world that have sick kids with serious problems and they are strong and hopeful so why I get that much upset with a little thing like a cold or allergy for my son. Part of it is because he is my first and only child and I do not have much experience as a mother and part of it is because I am too fussy and weak about these kinds of things. I need to be stronger. I am thinking that I should spend some time just for myself and do things that make me feel better, going to Gym again was a good step but I need to do more for
Myself. I heard that one on our friends who has recently moved to US from Europe is teaching a meditation class, may be I need to take that class and learn to be more calm and relax. Life is too short. Unfortunately I forget that easily. I should be grateful for what I have today because may be I won’t have it tomorrow! This morning my husband woke up and said that “I had a bad dream, I dreamed that I was dead” I said honey it was just a dream, don’t think about it, but it made me thinking that my god we should be happy that we have each other, what if god forbids such a thing happens to me! I cannot even think about it but it was a lesson for me. I need to work on myself more and more. I need to practice to be more patient in life just focus on good and positive things and let the negative thoughts go, that was my new year’s resolution, which I forget easily!!

Gym

I had stopped exercising for over two months, since my Mom was leaving and we used to go together, lately she was busy with her preparation to go back and every time we wanted to go to gym I had to hear all of my husband’s nags about how he would keep the baby pre-occupied and this and that! I myself felt guilty to leave the baby home when I could stay with him and play with him. Poor thing had already missed me during day so I should be there for him in the evening. Any way all these issues made me stop going gym and now I had a bad feeling that I had stopped exercising and it would be bad for my body and health. I was thinking to find a good solution until yesterday that two of my
Co-workers/friends told me about their new membership with the gym that I was member of and it is 5 minutes walk from our office. I needed to upgrade my membership since this facility is more advanced and the monthly charge is higher. I said I come with you and check on upgrading my membership. Any way I started going from today at my lunch break and I feel so good. This way I won’t need to leave the baby alone in the evening and hear my husband’s nag and I exercise as well! Yeeeeeeeeeee!!

Vacation

I did not write for a while because we went for vacation. I liked to drop few lines before going for vacation but did not really have a chance.
We went on Cruise to Mexico last Sunday for one week, it was great. We needed a break and being alone just 3 of us. It was kind of challenging with baby especially when we found out that he cannot join the kids club because he is not still 2 years old. He was 2 months young but deep in my heart I really wanted to be with him full time in this vacation. He was such a good boy and we went to seated dinner every night and it would take at least 2 hours but he would sit with us withought crying or screaming!! Of course we would amuse him and people sitting at our table were all very nice and understanding people and they liked him a lot. We visited 3 cities, Cabas San Lucas, La Paz and Mazaltan and they were all nice and interesting.

The ship had so much fun facilities although we could not take part in every show and fun stuff but we went to all night shows and they were fun.
Now we are back again and I should go to work tomorrow and work on a very heavy-duty project! but I feel rested and fresh!

Vacation

Today my husband called me at work that he is feeling sick and he would go home early to rest so I would pick up the baby. When I got home my Mother-in-law had gone already and it was such a relief. I started to make soup for my husband and dinner for my son and me. We usually take our own lunch to work. Although it is lots of work but it's healthier and cheaper. Some times I think when I am cooking I don't have quality time with my son and feel guilty about it but at least he sees me and plays around me.

I hope my husband gets well soon because we have plan to go for a one week cruise to Mexican Riviera starting from Sunday. I am so much looking forward to it. I really need a break and one week free to spend the whole time with my son. I am just praying that every thing goes well. It will be a very new experience with baby on a ship! I hope he won't get sick or any thing like that.

My god, I am such a worry person I should work more on my New Year's resolution!!

Today my husband called me at work that he is feeling sick and he would go home early to rest so I would pick up the baby. When I got home my Mother-in-law had gone already and it was such a relief. I started to make soup for my husband and dinner for my son and me. We usually take our own lunch to work. Although it is lots of work but it's healthier and cheaper. Some times I think when I am cooking I don't have quality time with my son and feel guilty about it but at least he sees me and plays around me.

I hope my husband gets well soon because we have plan to go for a one week cruise to Mexican Riviera starting from Sunday. I am so much looking forward to it. I really need a break and one week free to spend the whole time with my son. I am just praying that every thing goes well. It will be a very new experience with baby on a ship! I hope he won't get sick or any thing like that.
My god, I am such a worry person I should work more on my New Year's resolution!!

Today my husband called me at work that he is feeling sick and he would go home early to rest so I would pick up the baby. When I got home my Mother-in-law had gone already and it was such a relief. I started to make soup for my husband and dinner for my son and me. We usually take our own lunch to work. Although it is lots of work but it's healthier and cheaper. Some times I think when I am cooking I don't have quality time with my son and feel guilty about it but at least he sees me and plays around me.

I hope my husband gets well soon because we have plan to go for a one week cruise to Mexican Riviera starting from Sunday. I am so much looking forward to it. I really need a break and one week free to spend the whole time with my son. I am just praying that every thing goes well. It will be a very new experience with baby on a ship! I hope he won't get sick or any thing like that.
My god, I am such a worry person I should work more on my New Year's resolution!!

Rest of in-laws story

After thinking a lot with myself I thought I should straight things up once and forever with my in-laws (I doubt about for ever!). So I practiced with myself about what should I say, so it would be effective and at the same time polite.

Yesterday after I went back home from work I talked to my mother-in-law. I said:” I respect you as mother of my husband and you are welcome to be at your son’s house but since they are three brothers and every one should have same share for having you over. I think I would like to invite you to come over every three weeks to stay for one week as long as you are here. The other two weeks is the other brother’s share, they can figure out how they want to do it among themselves, but I like to have some plans and regulations for my own house. In this way I know my plans a head and you know yours as well.” She was kind of surprised and said but what if they have guests or some events going on and they do not want me there. I said they can arrange things around this, they can have guests or events when you are here and if it is not predictable that would of course be fine, if you like to come here, but I hope it won’t happen every week-end!!” I explained: “as you know every body needs her own privacy, even yourself, I am sure back in Iran you prefer to be alone and have your own privacy and independency”. I told her that my husband was not that comfortable when my Mom was here, although she was here to help us with the baby and every thing!! At the end I said:” Please don’t be upset with me. I respect you and don’t mind having you here but I prefer to plan things and avoid any misunderstanding and complications between brothers in future. In this way no one owes any thing to the other one, at least we don’t (because his brothers are the type that always want to say that we do more thing for our Mom and stuff like that. I know it sounds ridiculous!)

At the end she said: “ you are right, we will follow your plan!” I don’t know how much this will work but at least I took it off of my chest and I stood for myself. Although my husband was not too happy about it, he said: “you want to show me you are in power! That’s so typical Iranian man! Typical chauvinist! He is not always a chauvinist but he some times is!! Most of Iranian men may be %99.9 of them don’t like to hear about rules from their wives, especially if it is about their own family! I am sure we have a long way until even well educated ones accept that standing up for ourselves does not mean that we want to be in power or if there is any power to abuse it! And it necessarily brings them down!!

In- Laws

I am very upset tonight. My mother in law is with us since 2 weeks a go and she has extended her staying at our place for couple more days. They are three brothers but they are always too clever about thses kind of things whenever is a weekend, holiday or any kind of occasion they just pass her here. I tell my husband every thing should be equal she should stay at any one's house for one week and by the plan no surprise but he gets upset and says she is just an old lady, whay you are mean! I don't know since when being fair means mean. God, I wish I did not have any in-laws. Since we are married I have always suffered because of his family, they are very rude, very much expectant and they do not do Sh... for you. Just expecting and expecting. My Mother in law knows she is not welcome in any son's house but she really does not care she thinks it is our duty to serve her any way! she is so rich back in Iran she can buy a place here easyliy but her problem is that she does not want to touch her money! I am amazed that this woman does not have any pride!

I just want my husband to understand me more. He said tonight that your Mom was here too. Poor my Mom she satyed here to take care of my baby so I could go back to work. She was helping us like a maid. This is so un fair. Some times I just want to get a way from all this shit. If I did not have my son I would.